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01101101's avatar

Is this considered cheating?

Asked by 01101101 (252points) November 30th, 2015

You are in a relationship but things between you and your partner aren’t good. Your partner had several sexual partners before you and this bothered you so much it created self-issues because you were a virgin when you met her. You can’t accept the fact that the past is where it should be, and you want to hurt your partner’s feelings because you feel extremely insecure about her past, so…

You decided to fuck a hooker. Your asshole friends know places and they invited you to come with them and encourage you to fuck a hooker without your partner’s knowledge. Even if you know it’s wrong, you still went with them because you want to take revenge so bad.

At the scene, you realize you love your girlfriend so much you can’t fuck the hooker anymore. So, you decided to talk to the hooker to pass the time. After that, the hooker was fond of you so she gave you her number. Nothing really happened between the both of you but talk. You think this event is insignificant so you decided not to talk to your girlfriend about it and keep it to your grave.

One time your partner’s using your phone and she sees a very strange name in your phonebook, so she asked you who that was. You try to tell her that you weren’t really a virgin when you met her… Y’know, you’ve slept before… even if you didn’t. You told her the hooker’s name and she doesn’t even know that this is a hooker. So, it was fine with her but was kind of pissed you have to lie about it.

Months passed, you forgot about the hooker already and suddenly your girlfriend found out about you going to the brothel with your friends, and the girl that you told her was a hooker. You tried to lie but you’re already caught so you just tell the truth, but the damage has been done and she can’t trust you anymore. To this day, you still convince her that nothing happened between you and the hooker and you try so hard to win your partner’s trust back because you realize how much you love her.

Would you call yourself a cheater? Would this be considered cheating?

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14 Answers

Seek's avatar

Nah. Makes you a really bad liar, though.

“Oh, Cinnamon? Old school friend, she transferred before the end of Senior year. Everyone used to make fun of her name, but she was nice enough.”

Would that have been so hard?

And then with the brothel thing, “Yeah, crazy drunken night. I chickened out and came home. My friends are idiots.”

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

No. You came close to cheating, but you didn’t. This is a good opportunity for an honest talk with your girlfriend. A time when you can learn about each other. Where things go from there will be determined by what you learn.

Coloma's avatar

You went to the brothel with the intent to cheat, and while you did not go through with it, your motive was revenge, which is always a bad thing. Your insecurities are your own to deal with and anytime we attempt to create jealously in a partner that is a red flag, and not about anything related to true love. Your girlfriend gave you the opportunity to come clean and you lied, now the cat, er, hooker, is, out of the bag and your girl friend mistrusts you, rightfully so. Had you told her the day this event unfolded she might not have been happy about it, but, you would have, at least earned major points for honesty.

You’ve learned a valuable lesson about weaving a tangled web via the intent to deceive.
When you screw up you own up to it asap, and be prepared to face the consequences.
Sounds like both you and your girl friend have some growing up to do, big boys don’t sneak around seeking revenge for the, none of their business, sexual pasts of their girl friends and big girls don’t snoop in their boyfriends/husbands phone books and friends don’t encourage friends to go to hookers.Your girl friend is also, probably feeling humiliated that your “friends” knew about this little plan and angry that they encouraged you.

You all sound like you need to grow the F up! haha

Darth_Algar's avatar

Cheating depends on the boundaries of your relationship. However that you felt the need to lie about the whole thing I’d say that’s probably cheating in your relationship. Beyond that your reasons for doing so suggest a deeply problematic relationship to begin with. It may be best for the two of you to simply cut your losses while you can and be on your own way.

elbanditoroso's avatar

No, not technically. But you have lots of other problems.

@Coloma is right, you went there to cheat, so in you heart, you were ready to, you had crossed that bridge. Whether you consummated isn’t relevant.

Judi's avatar

You’re screwed. The problem happened because you couldn’t stop obsessing about her past. The problem was that you were an asshole about things she couldn’t change. She deserves better and you need to get an attitude adjustment before you get into another relationship. Whether it was cheating or lying, you proved yourself to be dishonest. She has zero reason to trust you. The only possible chance for a healthy reconciliation would be months and months of therapy both individual and couples. It still looks like your relationship started with you not accepting who she was when you met so why would she be expected to accept the ugliness you became?

Apparently_Im_The_Grumpy_One's avatar

It’s not cheating. But that doesn’t mean it’s good. It’s certainly not healthy. This story reconfirms everything I was taught about relationships:
1. Marry as two virgins (nothing can beat the beauty and solidity of such a relationship so long as you are able to maintain it by not cheating).
2. Honesty is the best policy.

You are in a very difficult spot. It’s tough to have that knowledge of your partner’s past relationships. What you need to concentrate on, though, is that she isn’t with them anymore. She is with you. Jealousy won’t get you anywhere. I’ve been down that road. It leads nowhere.

zenvelo's avatar

It’s not cheating, but you have cratered any trust your girlfriend had in you.

And anyone dating over the age of 18 has most likely had sex, to hold that against someone to the point you would even contemplate a revenge fuck with a hooker is a lot worse than cheating.

Your girlfriend needs to dump you now. You are not emotionally mature enough to have a relationship.

filmfann's avatar

At the scene, you realize you love your girlfriend so much you can’t fuck the hooker anymore

So did you begin to fuck her? Your wording indicates you did.

ibstubro's avatar

No, you didn’t cheat.

So you went out drinking with your asshole friends, you all ended up at a whorehouse, and you declined to avail yourself.
You’ve stood the test of fire, as far as fidelity is concerned.

So has your girlfriend.
I get the impression you’re judging your girlfriend ‘unfaithful’ because she wasn’t a virgin when you met. Get over it, or move on.

You don’t present any information that shows anyone has been unfaithful to anyone.

Are you sure you’re not writing the new “Pretty Woman”?

01101101's avatar

@filmfann Was about to, but didn’t.

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