General Question

dopeguru's avatar

Why can't I ever have a happy relationship?

Asked by dopeguru (1917points) December 8th, 2015

Happiness in relationships almost seems boring. I’ve never been in a stable, relaxed, long-term relationship. My partners say I “create conflict” and am all over the place. I think Im being reasonable… I would always question and doubt things. Isn’t that normal, though? How can I blindly trust and avoid what bothers me. There’s always something that does bother me, which may mean I’m insatiable and neurotic—but I’m not sure.

Is it normal not to feel confined in a content relationship and be erratic, problem-creating, doubting at most times? In a scenario where you are in a relationship, it seems impossible to relax and avoid the issues you might have. And believe me, if you look, you can find millions of issues.

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11 Answers

janbb's avatar

What does your therapist say to you about this? From all your posts, you seem to have issues far beyond our ability to help you.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

Is it normal not to feel confined in a content relationship and be erratic, problem-creating, doubting at most times? No, this is not normal behaviour.

Why can’t I ever have a happy relationship? You need to keep seeing your therapist to answer this question.

dopeguru's avatar

Ok, I’ll ask my therapist.

Buttonstc's avatar

If someone is comfortable in their own skin, it’s amazing how many minor issues are overlooked as a matter of course.

Just keep persevering with therapy and eventually that sentence will make sense to you.

And by all means, don’t hesitate to ask your therapist the same question you posed here. He/she knows you far better than any of us.

It’s a valid question but is far better asked in a therapist’s office than the Internet.

Darth_Algar's avatar

“Why can’t I ever have a happy relationship?”

Because you clearly have some deep-seeded issues that you need to work on before you should even attempt a relationship.

kendallhadid123's avatar

Just enjoy having a relationship. Don’t overthink.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Normal? Because there are a lot of people who behave that way, sure. Healthy, on the other hand? Absolutely not. I think you’re confusing happiness with monotony, for who knows what reason. Happiness in a relationship is far from boring. It’s rewarding, rich, and multifaceted.

LostInParadise's avatar

It would be boring if you and your partner were in perfect agreement about everything, knew the same things and had the same opinions. The good news is that this is simply not possible. Get to know your partner. As has been said so many times to the point of being a cliche, but is nevertheless true, communication is essential.

One of my favorite descriptions of relations is in Scott Peck’s book The Road Less Traveled. What he says is that relationships take effort. He mentions the importance of just listening to your partner, interrupting only to ask for clarification, which is not nearly as easy as it may at first seem.

CWOTUS's avatar

Wrong question. Ask instead, “How can I have a happy relationship?”

Trying to answer the question you have set for yourself will lead you down a spiraling rat hole of unhappiness and misery as you attempt to answer the never-ending question of “What is wrong with me?” (It’s a never-ending question for everyone, not just you.) And it won’t get you any closer to the thing that you want, a happy relationship.

Ask a question that has positive answers that lead to positive actions, no matter how trivial they may seem individually, and which will lead you to a better outcome.

crazyandbeautiful's avatar

I would spend more time on yourself than worrying about making a relationship work. Spend time with family and friends, do things that make you happy, try new things, travel, meet new people. When the time is right it will happen. Maybe down the line. Don’t rush it. It will find you.

Enjoy the holidays. Smile more and laugh more.

Kardamom's avatar

And yet you bitched us all out (in 2019) when we pointed out that all of your relationships have gone to shit, because of your wildly unrealistic expectations, and your erratic behavior, and your never ending, conveniently changed circumstances when questioned.

That’s why the cat ran away.

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