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MooCows's avatar

Anyone married to a partner that makes you feel like you can never do anything quite right?

Asked by MooCows (3190points) October 7th, 2016

I am married and my husband makes me feel
like I can never please him..can never do anything
quite right. Even his siblings do not see how I have
stayed married to him for this long. I finally stopped
blaming myself and realized it was HIS problem not
mine..insecure maybe…OC for sure. For the longest
time I tried to win his love and saw that it was fruitless.
Our sons have moved off because they got tired of
being put down….now I am getting tired of it. Why are
people like this and is anyone else been in this boat?

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12 Answers

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

I had a gf who was smacking my hand against hers and I told her to stop. She said that I wasn’t hurting her and I said “that’s because you have more padding than me” she got offended and stormed away. I stupidly followed her and apologized to her when it was her fault. We broke up 17 times in university until I had enough and rejected her completely. Everything was my fault with her. She abused me because it was my first relationship I put up with it. Another good friend told me to get help when I told her that I loved her, and I told her to f off online. She dumped me to the curb shortly.

janbb's avatar

I was and now I’m not. Splitting was his idea but I am a better person now that I am single.

snowberry's avatar

I used to be married to a guy like that, but he changed. Here’s the thing. You teach people how to treat you. To do that, you have to change first, then he’ll have to change, or he’ll leave.

In our case, he changed overnight. PM me if you want to know the details.

Call_Me_Jay's avatar

My parents had a relationship like that. My mom still cringes a lot at her own “stupidity”, more than 10 years after my dad died.

Both really smart people. They gave us kids a great start on life. But my dad was always eager to say “No! You’re wrong!”

I loved my dad until the end, and I am very proud of the work he did and the values he instilled. But he wasn’t good at personal relations.

I know what I would say to Dad today. I would take him aside and plainly ask him to take it easy and back off. And he would have appreciated the advice.

But I didn’t do that and I did not see that as an option at the time. Hindsight is 20/20.

I commiserate and wish you luck.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

Yes. We got divorced. I’ve married again and I’m very happy now.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

Not any more !

YARNLADY's avatar

My former husband was like that. I was worried when I lost him, because I no longer had someone to tell me what to wear and what to do, but I got over it. My current husband is nothing like that.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

The opposite thank God. I always feel I cannot do anything right while he encourages me keeps boosting my morale. The poor man, I wonder how he copes with me!

Darth_Algar's avatar

No. Such a marriage would not last long with me. In fact, such a person would never get close to marriage with me. I have an extremely low tolerance for bullshit.

olivier5's avatar

My wife is like that. She’s aware of the problem, which is already something.

jca's avatar

@MooCows: I’ve never been married but I just read the details in your question and I guess the question for you is what are you going to do about your husband? If your kids have left because they can’t take it, it must be hard to tolerate. I am wondering if you have low self esteem.

Are you going to counseling, either solo or partners? Are you considering separation?

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