How do I break up with a girlfriend who needs me?
Advice in dealing with her is the reason I joined Fluther about two years ago.
I coaxed this woman out of her shell and did what it takes to get her to fall in love with me, which she did. Even though I was on disability myself, I helped her through homelessness until we finally got a fairly nice apartment together.
I have issues of my own, and am greatly in need of financial solvency again. I am disorganized and unemployed and have done some pretty crazy, radical, unorthodox, and even criminal things (which I am not proud and have regrets) to support myself and her. She has some mental issues—I guess I put up with this for some time because I love her extremely.
She needs me for financial reasons to help pay for a place to live. She needs transportation and me to drive. She even needs me physically and expresses love this way. But after 22 months I am getting my head bit off several times a week and it is becoming evident that this is all the future we have.
I spend every dime I have on her—down to the loose change in my car seats, and provide everything she wants, needs, or craves. She expects me to pay for everything like in a high-end dating relationship whereas I know I have to live poor and find solutions as for how to get by with little or no money. and when I run out of money two weeks before getting paid, she blames ME for not being able to manage money (it all goes to her—I often beg, steal, eat very unorthodox things). I get no benefit from the apartment which I am paying more than 80% for for. I am not allowed to be myself around her because she seems to comprehend only surfacy, mechanical stuff and rebuff my tastes and dreams. She DOES help me stay organized and finds me physically very attractive but that’s about all I get from this relationship.
Leaving is hard because I do love her extremely. But sometimes love isn’t enough. And maybe I’ve even run out of it.
I walked out tonight—after several hours of cold treatment which erupted when it was discovered that I was out of money and will spend the next two weeks penniless (scary, yes)— she is used to ME being the one to pick up the pieces somewhere and by some miracle we get by.
She blames me for a lack of faith and an inability to handle money—again, I spend nothing on myself. And when I start to leave, she faults me for giving up on her and fears being abandoned
She is dependent on me for a car and to help with expenses. But I have no resources and it is just too obvious that she has mental issues and won’t take her meds. I’m unable to continue being rebuffed and trying to live my life alone without her because she can never get ready in time or leave the apartment. She is also completely alone in the world if I leave—she knows NO ONE—absolutely not a soul. But I can’t deal with the shortness and aggression between the few good times. She will be devastated and so will I—but I cannot take any more of this non-relationship and must get out of it. On a pragmatic side, however, she is dependent on me for money and to fulfill my end on contracts (for which she is the only beneficiary), and for transportation.
Though never really moving out of my young adult years, I am what most would consider middle aged. It may hurt the rest of my life and I may never find love again. But I need to get my life and career on the right track. Still remaining, also, is what do I do about her financial and transportation needs if/when I move on ???
This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.