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TheSpiderWeb's avatar

How do I ever get over my insecurities?

Asked by TheSpiderWeb (138points) 1 month ago

I really like this girl but her exes all seem to be good looking and it makes me feel useless and jealous. I hate these feelings!

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7 Answers

Mimishu1995's avatar

By caring less about appearance.

Not all girls care that much about appearance. A good-looking guy who acts like a dick will turn girls off.

Focus on how to be a decent guy instead.

Yellowdog's avatar

What matters the most to girls is (in this order, best to least):

(1) A good personality— attractiveness really does come from within

(2) this also means confidence—at least pretend to be in charge or in control.

(3) A good voice helps more than good looks

(4) Decent grooming don’t look half put-together

(5) Lots of girls/women tell me its what’s in his eyes. If you can bear it, always maintain eye contact. Sounds hard to do if you are insecure, but its easy if you try

(6) A subtle colongne with pheromones really works— something like REALM— no musks but pheromones. Once attracted you won’t always need it.

marinelife's avatar

Stop comparing yourself to others. Learn to like yourself as you are. Be compassionate with yourself.

Try standing in front of a mirror and saying affirmations out loud. Every day. Whether you believe them at first or not.

Say I like myself.
I am a likable person.
I look fine just the way I am.
I have a good sense of humor (or whatever positive trait fits you).
I am smart.

Keep doing it every day. OUT LOUD!

CWOTUS's avatar

Join the club!

If you never feel insecure then you could be a psycho or sociopath. So the fact that you’re insecure “to some degree” actually says good things about you. It shows that you care about how others think and feel. Can that be taken to extremes, too? Of course. Someone who has zero self-confidence comes across as an object of pity, and you don’t want to be that guy, either.

Another way to look at this – to consider the object of your affection, anyway – is to recognize that she has at least had high standards for attractiveness in her companions. Okay, but now look at other aspects of those previous companions. Are they decent people overall? Kind, intelligent, patient, good-humored and other inward-generated aspects of “attractive”? If they are, then you should at least consider that your inamorata has so far demonstrated good judgment in her choices. So if you’re in her circle – at all – then you would seem to meet at leat the minimum standards for inclusion. (Depending on your assessment of the personalities of those exes, though… that may also be a low bar, or evidence of bad judgment on her part. And if guys with high standards reject her, or if she rejects guys who seem to have sterling qualities all around – then this may not be a good sign about her judgment or treatment of them. Keep these things in mind.)

You can’t change much about your physical attractiveness, but “accepting that” can go a long way toward a kind of psychic “comfort in who you are”. (You can work on fitness, and that is something that you should maintain and develop if you can – and it will help to improve and maintain your attractiveness, or what there is of it – for the rest of your life.) You can always work on the rest. (Maybe not intelligence, so much, but you can learn to emphasize the kinds of intelligence that you do have.)

You can always be better-read, interesting to talk to, friendly, personable, humorous, patient, forgiving, kind, thoughtful, hard-working, persistent (to a point) and self-deprecating (to a point) – y’dig? These are things that are only up to you. And to the degree that you can develop those qualities in yourself (and in others) you will be attractive.

Oh, and young. You should always be young, too.

Inspired_2write's avatar

“I really like this girl but her exes ..”
Yeah that tells a lot…all those handsome men are now EXES!
Everyone has an initial attraction priority.
Attractiveness goes away with age.
She seems like a shallow person?
Do you really want that in your life?
Is a “Flag” or warning signal..so understand yourself better and hold yourself accountable to display the best of your uniqueness.

Make note of What is really important to attract,and last in a relationship for it to be the best loving,union for you, and adhere to that criteria. and you can’t go wrong in your choices.

I think that if you land this girl that you would become just another EX to her eventually?

It all depends on your attitude..do you want to go through a lot of women , to learn?
Or are you ready to be serious in relationships?
It all depends on where you are in life?
Young and impetuous wanting to experiment with different types of women?
Or done that and now wish to be more mature and serious?

You chose your experiences and thus are held accountable to yourself for its ups and downs.

Understanding Human Behaviour will go a long way to understanding yourself, therefore making wise choices now determines your happiness in the long term.

Yellowdog's avatar

There are several articles on the internet about how to get a girl to like you. They are helpful.
Don’t go with the answers by teens on Q&A sites, but go with WikiHow and articles written by psychologists and professional dating sites.

Patty_Melt's avatar

Loyalty counts.
You have a lot of good advice here.
Do you care about this girl, REALLY like her?
Assuming you care about her more than just her looks, or popularity, let her know. Let her know that what she cares about matters to you.
Romance is something all girls desire, but loyalty trumps all.
If it is not for real a girl will see through it, and the guy will be added to her list of exes.
Stand straight, and proud, and let her know you. Let her know you care about her.

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