General Question

Aethelwine's avatar

Does a person you care about deserve a private message or phone call if you are upset with them?

Asked by Aethelwine (42732points) December 13th, 2017

I’m trying to understand why someone who claims to care about me would confront me on social media instead of messaging me or calling me.

Something I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older is that quality over quantity is most important when it comes to friendship.

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10 Answers

Call_Me_Jay's avatar

A phone call is best.

In business and family life, I learned long ago that some questions which spur endless typing back and forth can be resolved easily with a 2 minute phone call.

At work I have the rule that if I can’t type out the question in a minute, I should call instead.

Even if the question is extremely complicated this works. I call and say, “Hi, this is my question and this is what I want. I will email you more details. Thanks, bye.”

Mimishu1995's avatar

Depends on how they confront me. If they use social media to tell me what bothers them then I’m good. I don’t like it when they vaguebook, like posting a status that clearly say someone is bothering them but refuse to say who it is, and gears all the pity toward themselves.

canidmajor's avatar

I think the mentality may be similar to the idea of saying something in public so you can’t make a scene? I think it’s cowardly to call someone out in public on social media, as it invites comments and reactions from everyone who sees it.

basstrom188's avatar

Why not do something old fashioned like writing them a letter. Pop it in an envelope and put it in the post.

janbb's avatar

Of course they deserve a private communication of some sort.

linguaphile's avatar

I think some people use social media to pull in an audience, feeling like the audience adds justification or validity to a complaint. Pulling in an audience is also a way to reduce the likelihood of a balanced response—not many people are going to take on a fight in public.

It makes me think about high school fights—it’s like a group of kids following the fight-starter while he/she goes to start a fight with another person. The fight-starter brings a group to increase the intimidation power, and the group goes for entertainment value. The target is often surprised, caught off guard—not a fair fight.

I back away from these types of problem-solvers. If they’re a friend, then they’re re-zoned to a more superficial friend-zone.

Privacy shows respect and maturity.

BellaB's avatar

Are they confronting me or warning/advising others? Generally, I’d go with a personal, direct approach but sometimes public advisories are needed. Saw it recently in regard to a racist comment someone made – they were called out for it publicly – it was appreciated by the larger community.

BellaB's avatar

I have trouble with the ‘deserve’ part of the question, so couldn’t really address it within the guidelines.

Aethelwine's avatar

Thank you for your answers.

Judy15's avatar

Of course it is better to speak to them directly. However we don’t know much context about what has gone on. If they think you are upset with them, maybe they are scared to ring you for fear of how you react, or maybe they think that you might not actually want to hear from them.
If you are close to them then write back and open up communication with them.

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