Social Question

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Why does having kids from another person sometimes hinder the new relationship?

Asked by RedDeerGuy1 (13220points) July 11th, 2018

Why Is it a turn-off for some people? Is it a turn-off for you? Is it different for men and women?

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10 Answers

snowberry's avatar

For starters the new person in the relationship is not bonded with the children, and it’s very difficult to discipline them because either the parent of the kids or the kids themselves resist the discipline. If you’re a step parent, sometimes you’ve got to discipline your spouse’s kids, and not wait until they come home to do it.

LadyMarissa's avatar

When there are children from a previous relationship, you are basically bonded for life…even when you don’t like the person anymore, you will still have a connection through the kids. Often people new to the relationship feel threatened by the connection…at least until they get to know the kids & can see the connection firsthand!!!

It has NEVER been a turn-off for me as I automatically love most children; however, I have seen it to be more of a problem with males as they fear taking on the rersponsibility of another man’s children IF the relationship becomes serious. So, I’d definitely say it is different for men & women….although NOT ALL men & women!!!

kritiper's avatar

It’s tough going out with another that has kids because you may get the feeling that this other person is looking for a meal ticket.

LostInParadise's avatar

Perhaps there is a genetic component, a natural resistance to devoting resources to raising children who do not share your genes. The first thing that a lion does when taking over a harem is to kill all the cubs. This type of infanticide is common among animals.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Baggage, more is not better.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Many people seem to have poor relationships with ex’s, so that constant friction often places the ‘new’ person in the middle or an awkward situation.

I know my ex had one child, but the ex insisted he take her other child every other weekend, too. Every time she wanted to go party, she’d call us at the last minute and we were basically unpaid babysitters for her other child. His parents also kissed her butt no matter how she acted so she wouldn’t keep the grandkid away from them.

It was difficult to say the least, never did it again.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

Why wouldn’t it? It’s silly to try to make something unnatural natural. Having kids is baggage.

LadyMarissa's avatar

I didn’t find my ex’s daughter to be baggage. I loved her just like she was my own!!! It was my ex that ended up being the baggage!!!

Aster's avatar

Why does it sometimes hinder the relationship? If it doesn’t hinder it they are very fortunate. There are just too many lurking, possible problems like you don’t care for the kids, they hate you, they’re jealous of you, your s/o spoils them too much…possible problems are unlimited.
I’d stay away from that situation unless I absolutely adored the new guy. But I’m very happy right where I am , his sons are grown and gone and so are mine. (shivers at this question)

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