What is the best question to ask someone when you want to get to know them better?

In university we pre-judged others by what major they were in. Bad idea but common practice.

Something oblique.

I think when you ask direct questions that people expect, there’s a certain element of identity performance.

I think the best way to get to know someone is by asking people questions that interest them, but where the stakes are low and their guard is down.

I think that’s why Fluther is very interesting. Over time all these random answers create some pretty compelling portraits.

Maybe ask about their siblings?

Brings in a element of their upbringing. A dash of personal dynamics. An opening for nostalgia. Catharsis of a confessional.

“ Suppose you have a day off, and could be anywhere, how would you enjoy the day?”

“where’d you get those shoes?”

For those who’ve removed their shoes— “do you have a favorite bakery?”

“Tell me about yourself.”

Where are you from originally?

“Do you do you?”

I like to ask about people’s hobbies and interests. There’s nothing I love more than listening to someone gush about their love for some obscure craft or genre.

Well, “Where are you from?” Then, as they talk, find a way to ask new questions.

I love that so many people say “where are you from?” I use this too. My BIL hates being asked that, he thinks it’s prying and the person is trying to judge you, or prejudge you. I don’t think that at all, I think Americans ask it with positive intentions and pure curiosity, and sometimes something to bond over.

My BIL is Mexican. When I lived in TN there was almost a complete absence of this question regarding national background if you seemed to be “very American” by how you looked and sounded. It was very odd to me. Very American meaning no foreign accent, basic white or black persons who didn’t seem foreign born.

In college we did a skit once, that included this interchange:

Boy: What’s your major? Where’re you from?
Girl: Undeclared. We moved around a lot.

Just this mornings guy said, “I’m from nowhere, we moved arounda lot.” I told him, “then you’re from many places.” I just see it completely opposite of what he does maybe.

I wasn’t think of nationality. I was thinking of different geographical areas. It’s to bad that your BIL views it like a slight insult, when it’s not. It’s just innocent curiosity.

Tell me what you’re passionate about. That’s where you learn the good stuff.

I never ask where someone is from.
I don’t get the importance of it.
I ask how they are.

Like, that’s going to tell you a lot @rebbel!
“How are you?”
“I’m fine, thank you.” No matter what is happening, if they don’t know you, that will be their response.
If they actually started unloading on you you would think they were weird.

“Where are you from,” does depend on the context.
When I had the shop this youngish, grungy, malnourished looking dude came in. It was close to Christmas time. He and I got to chatting and he said, “I’m goin’ back east to see mah family for Christmas.”
I had already taken in his long, unwashed hair, baseball cap, beard, flannel shirt, dirty jeans.
“Where are you from?” I asked.
“Arkansas,” he said.
I about lost it!!! But to this day I do not know if he was serious so I fought down the impulse to burst out laughing. But, geographically he is correct. Arkansas is a tad bit east (and south) of Kansas. Pretty state, too.

Maybe it’s the way I ask it?
Maybe it’s not a feigned interest question I ask?
Maybe (I generalize here, shame on me) the American “how are you” is different from mine.
I don’t say that by asking that, they’ll tell me their whole life.