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pinkbees333's avatar

Can this ever work?

Asked by pinkbees333 (4points) 2 months ago

We met when he was back home visiting during Christmas break and instantly hit it off. We both agreed to do long distance, and talked everyday. We both just turned 30 and have been doing long distance for a year. But I’m not sure if I’m being stupid. He started his own business in France, but wants to eventually work in France and here in Canada. He is an amazing boyfriend and great at communicating, but his goal is to split his time evenly between both countries (working there and here) Can this ever work? Eventually he said he would spend more time in Canada and do short visits for business in France. I’ve read a lot about how an end date is important, but what if the plan is to not have an end date, and he wants to live in both countries.

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4 Answers

Zaku's avatar

People are different, and you left out your half of the situation, and whether it can work for you is up to you.

Some people would see no problem or even good things about that arrangement.

Other people would have difficulty with it.

You’ve “read a lot about how an end date is important”? What?

The most concerning thing to me is that you don’t seem to have a clear picture of what you want and need in a relationship, and are looking to reading others’ relationship theories and opinions.

If you want book guidance, I would look at the book How To Be An Adult In Relationships by David Richo. It’s designed with exercises to help you discover your own actual needs.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Zaku is right, we know nothing about what you want (marriage, children, staying in Canada) and we know nothing about his life goals either. Do you get lonely, does he? Are you faithful, is he?

Statistically long-distance relationships don’t last, that doesn’t mean yours can’t with good communication and common goals.

LadyMarissa's avatar

As pointed out above, what YOU want or need is a MAJOR factor in ALL of this!!! My husband & I met online & assumed that it would NEVER work because of what others told us. Yet, the love grew & grew over time. I had moved back home to be able to take care of my aging parents so I was NOT willing to leave a sure thing in order to gamble on what “might” happen as my track record had not been great when it came to love. Still the love continued to grow. Fortunately, for me, life lined up our lives to where things could work out. In the end, he moved here & we eventually got married. We had a WONDERFUL life together. So, I say DON’T listen to what others tell you that you should do…listen to your HEART & do what feels RIGHT!!!

In my opinion, the ONLY “end date” that’s important is the date that is important to the TWO of you!!! From what you’ve said, he sounds like he’s adjusting his plans so he can be in Canada most of the time. How would you react IF he can’t be there as much as he plans??? Are you willing to adjust your plans to be with him??? When 2 people truly love each other, they work together toward an end result!!! Are the 2 of you working together or each worrying about their own plans??? Has he even asked you to marry him or are you simply hoping to get married???

Can a long distance relationship work??? For me, the answer was a resounding YES!!! Can it work for you??? ONLY you & he can know the answer to that one!!!

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