General Question

elynn's avatar

Is it ok for your boyfriend to make female friends?

Asked by elynn (13points) February 7th, 2019

We’ve been together for 2 years and it’s not so much that I dont trust him its I dont really trust them. And I would understand if they were friends long before we started dating but these are girls that he just recently met. And I’m not saying you can never talk to girls I just think there should be boundaries like don’t bring them into your personal life if you met her at school keep it at school if you met her at work keep it at work she doesn’t have to be texting you about how her day is going and you guys don’t have to be doing stuff together cuz that’s what I’m here for . And I feel like if he see this is bothering me so much why not just let it go and make the sacrifice to keep our relationship stable and not put use in situations like this cause yeah it might be just talking now but anything can happen.

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10 Answers

anniereborn's avatar

Only “anything can happen” if HE lets it happen.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

I would take it case by case. I would tell your bf what your concerns are. You can negotiate what ever you want in your relationship.

LadyMarissa's avatar

So, you really DON’T trust him??? There’s nothing wrong with him having female friends. Still I can understand why you don’t trust the girls & I feel it’s rightfully so!!! The truth is that IF he loves you, those girls don’t mean anything to him & he won’t allow them to take him away from you. IF he leaves you for one of them, he doesn’t really love you & that is unlikely to change. Of course, being jealous & controlling can push him into their arms; so, DON’T lose your self confidence with your relationship with him. Although it’s NEVER easy to be cheated on, it’s better to have it happen BEFORE you get married rather than after you’re married & pregnant!!!

seawulf575's avatar

I have had female friends and I am married. Some started at work and ended up coming into our personal life as in we would do things together. But that was never just the girl and I. Her husband or my wife or both would be there. No hanky-panky…just good friends. I did have an old girlfriend that wanted to continue to be part of my life after I got married and I felt she would want to go too far so I cut her out of the picture. It really does come down to a case-by-case basis.

kritiper's avatar

It should be OK. In my book, you don’t have sex with just “friends,” so as long as everybody heeds the rule, there shouldn’t be any problem.
No kissing or other stuff like that. For example, I am a guy and I don’t hug or kiss or anything else like that with my male friends. So the same applies to my female friends.
I’m very strict on this rule!

chelle21689's avatar

Honestly, I’m a pretty jealous person so I would question or be alert if any new female friends were made with my boyfriend. I could see how it is different with long term female friends before me that are like his sister. I think if he sees them as a sister or someone he can’t date then it’s okay. If there is any kind of attraction, I feel like why put that in your relationship? Maybe you can maintain the attraction by some boundary but it would have to be very distinct such as no emotional confiding as in investing all your emotions and time into them instead of you. You should be the one he spends most time talking to and spending time with on that kind of intimacy, and avoid being alone. Not because he would cheat but it is just that kind of temptation if there is any inkling of attraction to entertain the thought or fantasy. I think the wife/girlfriend should also meet the friend.

My boyfriend doesn’t have any female friends, a ton of guy friends so it would be out of his character for me if he all of a sudden had one. My ex had a ton of female friends, some I was okay with but some…he just did NOT have any boundaries. He would spend the night because they were both military and their practice was by her house, they spent every day together, and it was weird to me.

Darth_Algar's avatar

If you trust him then there should be no issue.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Oh honey, you are in for a rough life if you have to control your man over jealousy.

My husband is the nicest guy in the world (imo) and has lots of gal pals, just like I have many male friends.

The only thing you have to do is establish ground rules if it becomes an issue that makes you uncomfortable. If you think a man won’t cheat because he has you there, or you tell him not to do something, you’ll make each other miserable.

Be proud he’s social and fun, roll with it. It’s part of growing up, losing that immature jealousy. Just remember, if he wants to cheat, he will, you can’t control another adult and trying will make you nuts, and look like a real beeyotch.

Zaku's avatar

How about if you see if she wants to be friends with you too, do things with you as part of it, etc?

Otherwise, whether you mind is about how much you trust him and your relationship. You might also want to flip the perspective and consider whether or not you’d really want to be in a serious relationship with someone you can’t trust to make female friends. You might also consider if you met a non-romantic male person you were interested in being friends with, how you’d feel if your partner was not ok with that.

Inspired_2write's avatar

As long as he and you as well are aware of appropriate boundaries, since too much personal sharing sets the stage for intimacy.
“There is irrational jealousy then there is rational jealousy, as sometimes jealousy is a valid healthy reaction to valid suspicions.”
I have read this book which outlines in detail as to how “Just Friends” turned into full blown cheating.
Title of this eye opening revealing book is: Not “Just Friends” by Shirley P/Glass,PhD
A very rational enlightening book. Page 74 is a list of signposts for realistic suspicions. it outline patterns of unusual behaviors, a change from the norm…etc”

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