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Franki's avatar

Why does my husband check out girls who look nothing like me?

Asked by Franki (9points) 1 month ago from iPhone

Me and my husband are of difference races. We have been together almost 15 years and married for two, and are in our mid thirties. The thing is he’s always had eyes for woman of my race, the porn he watched features girls that looked like me, his celebrity crushes where of my race and online pictures of girls he looked at looked like me. However almost a year ago he had an affair with a girl at his work, she was of my race however she and my husband shared a language. The affair is over, I made sure of it and though they still work together there is no way in hell of it restarting as I made sure they both knew exactly what would happen. He’s since cut all contact with her. But the thing that has me concern is that going back 7 months now, I’ve noticed (from snooping in his phone) that he watches videos of girls on YouTube who are of his race and body wise look the opposite of me (fake boobs and bums and lip). But our sex life has gotten better then it’s been before he cheated. I’m just confused and would appreciate some insight please.

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8 Answers

Kardamom's avatar

Most men are attracted to more than one “type” of woman. That’s normal.

People who cheat on their spouses, usually cheat more than once. I hope that your and your husband got couples counseling to figure out what was, or may still be wrong in your marriage, and were given tools on how to strengthen your marriage, and how to avoid getting into situations where cheating seems like a good option.

I’m not sure what you meant when you said you told him exactly what would happen if he continued the affair. Did you threaten to harm him or the other woman? Did you threaten to embarrass either of them publicly? Did you threaten to divorce him?

I don’t think threats work very often, in situations of the heart. Expectations need to be made known, sincere apologies need to be made, behavior has to change, trust needs to be demonstrated.

If it were me, I would expect for the cheater to either change jobs, or stay, but only if the “other woman” left that company. Proximity to a person that one has already cheated with means that they are still “involved” although it may just be in passing in the hallway, but it is likely more, especially if one of the cheaters was more invested in the illicit relationship.

Men like to look at women. Even though your husband may have appeared to only enjoy looking at women of your same race, or what you thought was his “type” it’s likely that he was, and is, doing a lot more looking than you’d think. That will only be a problem if his looking, or looking at porn, or engaging in affairs, becomes too much for you to take. Only you can make that decision.

I wish you the best of luck.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

So he can nsfw to their image later. If you want you could dress like the girls women that he likes, and see what happens.

kritiper's avatar

He knows he has the best. He’s just looking at what all the other guys are stuck going after!

Caravanfan's avatar

I recommend a couples counselor.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Men are often more visual than women, it stimulates them like romance does for many women.

I had a guy who was an artist that loved to look at women. In the end, he was not satisfied with one woman, and still is not, as a married man. Everyone is different but cheating is a whole other level.

seawulf575's avatar

I look at other women. I can appreciate beauty where I see it. I can’t see cheating, though. I love my wife and have too much respect for her. I also try to not check out women when I am with my wife. Porn is porn. It’s fantasies. I have found most fantasies are not as exciting as I thought they might be.

ucme's avatar

“Window shopping” is perfectly okay & very common practice.
Just don’t get caught with your hand in the till.

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