General Question

Sayd_Whater's avatar

Sex without love?

Asked by Sayd_Whater (439points) March 20th, 2019

Hey guys,
I have been recently out of a long relationship.
Now a great friend of mine has been giving me some hints, but there is a catch.
We have always been great online friends and then we met in real life. Despite his sometimes weird social ways which I have never had a problem with since he has been nothing but kind to me I can only feel grateful for his friendship.
The other day, without asking me, he gave me a pc so that we could play together again since I left my bf… I immediatly said “No!” and got really angry and mad at him, because I felt I could not accept such an expensive gift, plus due to my situation I didnt want to be in debt with him! But then he started crying… Made me fell terrible!
I ended up accepting it against my will but thought it might help me to be happier in my current situation or at least to get distracted.
Of course this was a big thing in my community and rumours of him being love start arising.
His shyness has prevented him from ever asking if I liked him or saying that he likes me. I’d say I don’t if he asks. He asked me if I liked anyone and I said no one at the moment.
In a convo among a group of friend the sex subject came up, having I mentioning that I was short on that area and that it was hard joking saying something like “I could f#ck anything..” which is obviously not true. If anything I just became more picky.
So… That was my mistake, I think, because ever since then, he has been hinting me with what I think are the most sad sex hints ever.
He told me he was a virgin, which is weird cause he is older than me and nothing seems to be wrong with him.
He might be weird but he is not stupid. I feel like he is trying to make me feel bad or sorry for him.
The most stupid thing is that I actually feel bad and sorry for him.
Im actually enternaining the idea in my mind instead of resorting to tinder or something, but feel terrible cause it would b str8 up pitty sex. And if he has feelings they were surely be broken. I don’t think I will do it for any reason other than “why not” if I ever feel like it and for feeling sorry, ahh and also cause I do like him as friend and truly am grateful for his kindness.
Am I terrible person?

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8 Answers

gorillapaws's avatar

First, please don’t use txt speak such as “str8.” It’s one of the rules of the site.

Second, DON’T DO IT!!! Pity sex is a REALLY bad idea.

You should only have sex with people you WANT to have sex with. If you do it, he’s going to fall for you hard and then get weird/clingy/possessive etc. Just be straight with him, that’s the best thing you can do: “I like you as a friend, but I don’t have romantic feelings for you.”

If you want to help this guy out, set him up with a friend.

Dutchess_lll's avatar

Some men get the weird idea that if you have sex with them they own you. I kind of get the feeling he might be that kind of guy.
Don’t do it. He’s already obsessing.
In fact I’d break ties with him.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Wait. Did you say he gave you a PC? I would be very leery of using a PC already set up by someone else – especially someone who wants you.
It might have all kinds of spyware loaded on it.
Run some really good virus scans. Better yet, reload the operating system. Do this before you start loading it up.
In the meantime,cover your camera immediately and change your account passwords from another computer. Set up 2 step authentication for your important email accounts.

joeschmo's avatar

What he said.

alanz's avatar

No, it’s just your choice

Dutchess_lll's avatar

I’d take @LuckyGuy‘s comments seriously. That was a real good catch.

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