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embiddonovan's avatar

I don't understand what is going on with my teacher, does she have any sexual feelings towards me?

Asked by embiddonovan (11points) April 29th, 2019

I am a 17 year old boy currently in 11th grade in high school. So I have this really hot English teacher and I can’t stop thinking about her, and all these weird events keep happening between us, but I can’t tell if it means something or its just my feelings that are altering my thoughts.
So back in December, this teacher saw that I looked sad in class. She came up to me and asked if I wanted to talk after school. I said ok and I came by at the end of the day to talk. We ended up talking for 2 hours and 30 minutes about personal things. I told her about my drug habits and how I smoke weed very often. I even told her the times I have been high in front of her and in her class. I told her about my family problems and whats on my mind. She responded with her own thoughts and revealed to me that she still smokes weed and that she went through very similar experiences in her childhood. She said that everything said in the room would stay in the room. That week she told me that she talked to her husband about me and that he said not to be friends with students but she was ok with it. So she told me she was going to stop smoking weed all of winter for me. Then she said she was going to see a therapist that afternoon. The next day she told me that she doesn’t think we should continue talking about drugs but we can about other topics regarding my family and personal problems. I felt sad so the next week I told her how much trust I have in her, and how it would only be beneficial if we could continue having the talks. She said yes. She told me that she spoke to her therapist about me… Then I told her my SAT scores were bad so she offered to help tutor me in the math section. I also come in to volunteer for her. It was all going good from there, I talked to her about my juul addiction too and how I wanted to stop. Her beauty motivated me. One other day I was in her room with her and I got a text that my cat died. I began crying and she cried with me too, as we shared an intimate moment.
Then I made a huge mistake. I sent her an email with questions and at the end I put, “I really really messed up on Tuesday”. If the school got access to this email they could have questioned her and she could have lost her job. It was supposed to be private but I made physical evidence of it. The next day she said that we couldn’t talk about the drugs anymore “because it would be good for the both of us”. She told me she talked to the guidance counselor so that I could go talk to her about other family issues.
After that it was slightly awkward for a few weeks. Eventually I started coming to her after school for the SAT help and volunteering to help her grade. We got intimate in a different way. She told me about her family, childhood and her interests. She showed me in google maps satellite the block that she lived on. I told her to get Citibike and a week later she told me that she got an annual membership. I told her about this book I think she should read on psychology. Inside I had notes written down and lines underlined. She read it in a couple days and had written her own notes and highlighted other sentences in the text. She remembered my birthday and everything.
Sorry this is long, its almost over promise.
Now the only reason I am doubtful is because I am usually the one who has to engage in our communication. Inside class we often make quick eye contact and look away but we don’t communicate much. At the end of class I usually ask if I can come in after school the next day and she says ok with a smile. And when I come after school she is talkative and happy to see me. But I am always the one who has to engage in those meetings. She is also talkative with other students and laughs with them but nothing as personal as this.
Weve walked to the train multiple times together. We even citibiked together one day to her train stop. One Friday night we engaged in 18 emails sent back and forth about this application I was filling out. I just feel like I might be forcing it or she is just doing all of this to be nice. Am I wrong to be making these assumptions? I don’t understand what is going on and it is blurring my mind.

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12 Answers

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Your writing is a pleasure to read.

Maybe she is just grateful that you are a proficient writer?

After all she is an English teacher.

She is married, best hold off until after you finish university.

If it is meant to be she will still be waiting when you become a famous author.

You can ask your school councillor for confidential advice.

She can lose her marriage, job and freedom so best to wait until your finished and have a good job.

kritiper's avatar

Get your head out of your pants! She may just like you for what you are: A nice kid.
I have this so-called friend of mine that thinks just because I mention something about girls and women, that I’m thinking something sexual, which I’m not. (Well, not entirely. After all, I am a guy…)

Patty_Melt's avatar

I’m afraid I must disagree with @RedDeerGuy1 in almost everything.

Men tend to frequently assume a pretty woman is up for grabs, even when she is married, and especially if she is friendly. So many times in my life I had to end friendships because men wanted to take things too far. It got to a point where men would say hi and I would feel like why bother?

1 She is your teacher.
2 She is married.
3 She is seeing a therapist.
4 She spoke to her therapist about you.
5 She spoke to her husband about you.

All these items points to she wants to help you. None of them is an indication she wants to be involved with you.
She is a teacher because she wants to help youth to be ready to face the world. Some need more help than others, but that is no reason to believe anything personal might come from it.

Obviously she enjoys talking to you. Don’t ruin that by trying to make it be more.

She does not want to step out on her husband, and certainly does not intend to replace him.
Thinking there might be more would just be a train wreck to pursue.

Be glad for all her help, and don’t screw it up by being a punk.

A nice gesture on your part would be to give her a thank-you card at the end of the year.

Patty_Melt's avatar

Edit, reading back through my response, I see that I have worded poorly my disagreement. When I stated that I disagree with RDG, I meant In regards to what he wrote on this particular thread.
I’m sorry, if anyone reading it believes that my statement goes beyond this one question.

LadyMarissa's avatar

I feel that you are creating your own confusion!!! You have a crush on her; however, NOTHING you said indicates that she has a crush on you. She’s simply being a good teacher by supporting you when you’re having a bad day. IF you really like her, WHY would you want to get her in trouble with her job or husband??? Since she told her husband about you, that leads me to believe that she’s NOT seeing you as a sexual boytoy. IF she were having any sexual desires toward you, she would be hiding it from her husband instead of being open & honest with him!!! It’s time to learn to control your raging hormones & start controlling yourself. It won’t be long before you’ll be classified as an adult & with that title comes certain responsibilities…one of which is NOT trying to seduce your teacher!!!

jca2's avatar

If anything did happen between you and your teacher, and anyone in school administration found out, she would be fired. She would also very likely end up getting a divorce. Forget the teacher. It’s bad news.

josie's avatar

I think she feels like you’re a sorry mess and she wants to helpful to you and that’s about it.
Sexual feelings. Doubt it. Fun to imagine though.

janbb's avatar

You have a crush on her. She is a nice teacher. That’s all.

LostInParadise's avatar

The teacher’s husband makes a good point about not becoming overly friendly with students. Her talk about drug use and about seeing a therapist is over the line. She has no sexual interest, but she has shared a level of intimacy that is inappropriate. Her not wanting to talk about drugs anymore is an indication that she feels she went too far. Be thankful that you have found someone who takes an interest in you. Don’t mess things up.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Men / boys always read far more into a women simply being friendly and helpful than what it actually there, like @Patty_Melt said. Back off. She needs to back off too. You’re dangerous.

Kardamom's avatar

Your teacher, although she may have had good intentions, broke all sorts of teacher/student boundaries. She should never have told you anything about her personal life. Sounds like she’s has some troubles of her own, and may be too immature or affected to be in the teaching profession.

She should have referred you to a counselor right away, for both your need for guidance with your family problems, and smoking addiction, as well as help with your SAT tutoring.

She put you, and herself in a bad position, by even giving the slightest hint that she could be a contemporary/friend to you, or even the hint if being a romantic, or sexual partner.

She could jeopardize her job, and you need to be able to look for suitable help, without reading romance, or sexuality into the question.

At this juncture, you should not volunteer for her anymore, go and find a more suitable volunteer position elsewhere, where you are not tempted to flirt with the supervisor. And ask for an appropriate tutor, that will help you with your studies, and not titillate you. And speak to your counselor about getting appropriate help for your family problems, and smoking problems.

Chalk this situation up to having a crush on a person who is not appropriate, or available to you. And know that you are not the first person to have a crush on a teacher, and it’s not the end of the world.

Good luck to you : )

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