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Mimishu1995's avatar

How can I look for the bright side when I can only see misfortune?

Asked by Mimishu1995 (23206points) April 29th, 2019

As asked. So this is mostly a question about how to balance emotion. I’ve had some bad things going for me lately (at least from my point of view), and my emotion is now out of whack. I don’t like feeling down because I have work to do, but my emotion has been weighing me down. Any idea how to turn my emotion around?

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23 Answers

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

The more life that happens to you the more life experience you can help others with.

nerdgirl578's avatar

Of course you don’t like feeling down, but sorry you can’t simply turn your emotions around becasue you have work to do. That’s just life for you.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@nerdgirl578 Do you have any suggestion then?

Tropical_Willie's avatar

What three things you are grateful for each morning?

kritiper's avatar

There are those here who don’t look at it the same way I do but here’s what I do.
I look around. I see that there are some who are worse off than me, so I see that things could be worse for me. And that helps me to see things in a different, more positive, brighter light.

nerdgirl578's avatar

@Mimishu1995 I guess to me there’s never been an easy fix. The reason I responded is beacuse you said you didn’t want to feel down because you have work to do. Don’t stress it. if you feel down, allow yourself to feel down for a while.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@Tropical_Willie Now that I think about it… I can no longer think of anything I’m grateful for. I may name some things but it feel so insignificant to me to be grateful…

Tropical_Willie's avatar

Keep looking for things to be grateful for everyday.
I have a friend that has gone through a lot in their life including losing their father and two friends in the last three months. She gets up every day and finds three things she is grateful for it makes a difference for her.

Patty_Melt's avatar

I can’t cure the feeling down, so here is a link I hope will help.
Try playing it when you get ready in the mornings before work.

Stache's avatar

You often need to hit bottom to see the bright side.

I suggest a therapist to help you. Fluther is nice for the time being but you need more than Fluther to get out of this funk.

jca2's avatar

For me, when I feel like everything is awful and messed up, and can’t possibly get any worse, I remind myself that it can only get better.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Like @Tropical_Willie says, stay grateful. Do something for another person. Spread the light.

All of us have bad times and bad days, but you learn to compartmentalize it over time and with maturity.

I worked when my grandfather was dying in the hospital, it was hard, but I focused on work and it actually helped me forget for those few hours before I went back to the hospital. Same with fighting with a spouse, or other stresses.

Work is often a release for those of us with complicated lives, easier to do your job than to stress and worry about things you cannot control. (Of course some would consider me a workaholic, but thats beside the point haha)

Kardamom's avatar

Try to break down the things that you need to do, into smaller tasks, so that you are not overwhelmed by having to do so much work as one big giant mountainous job.

You are experiencing depression right now. Depression colors everything you see as negative. If you could get some help for your depression, that would be the best thing you could do for yourself. Not sure how you go about getting therapy or meds for depression in Vietnam. Can you go to your regular doctor and ask to be referred?

Next, figure out what small things you can do for other people. Look around, there are probably some elderly neighbors who would enjoy some company or some home cooked food, or a pet that you could walk, or feed, or brush, or clean up after.

I know you’re busy, but simply adding in some time to help others, even if it’s only a half hour a week, or whatever amount of time you can give, puts the focus elsewhere, rather than on your own feelings of despair.

And make sure you take time for self care. Get out of the house or office at least once a day, to walk, preferably in a lovely natural setting. Make sure to take a slightly longer shower or bath, and put on some nice scented lotion. Don’t just run out of the house in a rush. Care for yourself.

Make sure you give yourself permission, each day, to be kind to yourself. Sit and read a nice book (not online, and not looking at a computer). Sit and drink some tea. Don’t guzzle down your food and drink and run out of the house in a rush.

Get out a piece of paper, or a notebook and start pencilling in things that you would like to do. Big things (like travel) and little things (like drawing your favorite flower) and in between things (like sending a drawing to a friend).

You literally have to get up and do things, and make plans, and force yourself not to wallow. Make plans to make things better for yourself and others, in big and small ways, and at least those things will get better.

You probably do need help with your depression. Don’t let it fester.

You can probably get some valuable info from this site (even though it is a US site) and possibly get more info on how to get help in your country.

It is the Anxiety and Depression Association of America:

I’m sorry you are feeling so hopeless right now. Those of us who know you think you are an amazing woman <3

Mimishu1995's avatar

Yesterday I had a talk with a jelly about my problem. It was her who contacted me first. And basically she explained to me that several years from now I will look back at this experience and thank it for helping me grow. She also thanked me for talking to her because she is going through some tough time lately. That talk really boosted my mood because I felt blessed for having a friend who cares about me and empowered for helping someone.

@Kardamom I found a counsellor a month ago. We are working on balancing my mood and my work. Guess I will talk to her about my problem the next time I see her, see what she has to say.

And also thanks for the compliment :)

MrGrimm888's avatar

Most of my problems, or worries, involve people. It helps me to get out into nature. Personally, I love kayaking / canoeing. I find tranquility in paddling, and feeling and reacting to the currents. When I’m on very smooth water, I try to concentrate on making smooth strokes in the water, and being as quiet as possible. Most animals run from me at first sight. But after a while, everything seems to accept me as part of their habitat. Dolphins, and sea turtles will eventually pop up out of nowhere and hang around me for awhile.
I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so much connection to the universe, as when I’m surrounded by dolphins. They seem to genuinely like seeing me. They’re so free, fast, and elegant. Sometimes I get lost in those moments, and I just paddle along with them as if we were a peaceful family. I also feel protected from sharks or alligators, when being escorted by my friends from another world. I’ve never felt like I belonged in this world, and although I know I don’t belong in theirs either, they don’t seem to care.

I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t mind smaller alligators swimming so close to me. They add a different kind of experience. Deep in the swamps, I sometimes feel like the only person in the world. The creatures that live there are often living fossils. In the shallows, I can watch the heavily armored gars chasing prey. Or wonder at the birds who can swim underwater, like little missiles. Or, I can put my legs in the water, and let the thousands of tiny fish clean my skin.
I love just looking at the gorgeous, colorful dragonflies that take a rest on my paddle.

When the Sun gets close to setting, the water is replaced by an endless mirror, and as countless shades of purples, pinks, oranges, and greys paint the sky one could easily be convinced that they are paddling through liquid silver on some far away planet. Far from my problems, and far from anything but peace.

Having something like that in your life can really help. Just lookingat the night sky can be relaxing.

I still struggle with negative emotions, like most of us. I can only recommend little escapes from the stressful living of society. But I offer you my support Mimi, and I hope you know that you aren’t alone.

Peace n love.

Patty_Melt's avatar

Wow. You took me away to your world. What an awesome share!

I understand completely the urge to paddle silently on still water.

Mimi, what he describes is truely medicinal to the soul. If you have access to anything like that, I highly recommend it.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^Thanks Patty.

I mentioned sky watching/stargazing, because everyone has a night sky available. Light pollution plays a factor, but if a person just looks up for about 10–15 minutes, your eyes start to adjust.

To many, a slow crackling fire can be a nice visual aid of relaxation. I don’t have a fireplace, but I have a fire-pit in my yard. I figure that my fishtank serves a similar feeling. Watching other things move, and exist (do what they’re supposed to) can be relaxing.

Not everyone has to paddle into Hell Hole Swamp (real place that I fish,) to get the same fix.

If nobody has heard of Hell Hole Swamp, I don’t blame you. It’s in/close to Charleston, SC. Well, close to highway 41. You can probably Google Earth it, and get a glimpse.

The rest of my favorites are the Stono River, The Ashley, The Cooper, Wando, and my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE, The Edisto River. The Edisto is a blackwater, swampy, river. It’s cool water (even in July, when it runs shallow.)

At first, I was terrified of the Edisto. About 5 years ago, I swam about 4 miles of it. I just put my feet up, and let the current take me mostly. It was AMAZING! I got comfy, after a while, and it was like a dream. I pretended to be a log, or still object. I had to make some adjustments, not to end up in what we call “alligator holes” off to the sides, but mostly just slowly pushed myself through the middle of the river. There are only a few miles of the Edisto, that can be safely “floated,” and it depends on the time of year and rainfall etc….

I have battled an extreme fear of the water, for my entire life. When I finished the swim, I felt…. Great. Tired, but great.

I owned a Python for a few years. I was kind of afraid of him. But I took him into my home, and put him on my shoulders every night. I would have to be very calm, for him to be able to relax. After a while, he would like massage my shoulders and arms. He was eventually over 6ft easy, an could lay over most of my arms. He would rest his head on my right hand, and his tail would wrap around my left bicep, for support. He seemed to enjoy my body heat, and I actually felt pretty relaxed with him on me. A friend of mine (a girl,) would wear hers while she cut the grass…

I’m only mentioning these things, because they helped me to calm down, and relax. It seems that there are many y things available, to most people with ANY problem, that can help.

It may come from a completely unexpected place. I started out canoeing, because of my fear of the water. Now. It’s one of my favorite parts of life.

Go figure….

Mimi is very creative. She might enjoy learning an instrument. Playing guitar makes me relaxed too. I sucked for a while. It frustrated me. But when I really started playing, it made me have a feeling of accomplishment. That was/is very satisfying.

My point, is that we ALL need SOMETHING, or a combination of some things to get through this life. Things that we enjoy, and DO FOR NOBODY ELSE. Nobody but us…

Mimishu1995's avatar

@MrGrimm888 thank you so much! It took me so long to reply because I did something similar to you. I couldn’t afford to go outside for a trip on water, but I spent some time alone, without any people. That day I cuddled with my stuffed animals and just felt their fur in my hand. There was no one around to drain me emotionally, just me and my animals. And I realized that my problem got worse because I also put too much on my plate. With that state, the people in real life ended up draining me intentionally or not. So yeah, before I could solve my problem, I just need to recharge my battery first.

Thank you for your kind words anyway. I’m really not alone now.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^You’re welcome Mimi. Keep hope alive.

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