General Question
Should a person be taken off a medication just because it has a reputation for abuse? What can be done about this?
What can be done without accusations of being a drug seeker? Or “doctor shopping”?
For years, I took Adderall / dextroamphetamine for ADD (ADHD) and Narcolepsy.
I remember the first time I took this medication. For the first time, I actually “saw” the individual items in the hopeless clutter I lived in. I saw individual books and items that I had no idea of their whereabouts, and actually started cleaning up and organizing.
I was able to let go of items that were persistently in my way. And I was no longer falling asleep at red lights.
It didn’t work total miracles as I think more than just a drug was needed. But I was productive enough to not live in daydreams, actually got my life moving forward enough that I became a church pastor for a couple of years. I was social, able to look people in the eye, and although still disorganized I was able to clean up and organize things after the fact. I was able to look good and impress people because I was intelligent, compassionate, able to take care of myself and others even with opposition. I loved a challenge because it was another triumph I never knew was possible.
For unrelated reasons I came back to be near my parents when my mother had a brain tumor and was totally disabled. But I started working at a campus bookstore.
A few years later, I was shot in a robbery, The hospital took me off adderall because it was considered dangerous or addictive. And since I wasn’t working, I didn’t need it.
When I went back to my regular physician, he did not want to re-prescribe Adderall probably because of its reputation; his clinic didn’t normally ever prescribe it although he did for me. He wanted me to get this medication from a mental health provider.
At first, the mental health clinic put me back on it. But when that doctor left, the next doctor who was supposed to prescribe it, did not. He insisted that the clinic would NEVER prescribe such a drug, and how it was abused, dangerous, would interfere with other problems, etc etc.
Instead, I was put on medications that don’t seem to be working, including an antidepressant that keeps me asleep about 20 hours and gives me weird, vivid dreams. Talk about weird drugs and side effects!
Adderall worked for me for many years with no problems. But clinics, nurses, physicians will not prescribe it. I am back to living in daydreams, imaginary relationships, imaginary scenarios, living in the past, afraid to move forward, not knowing what to do with what remains of my life, and most of all, afraid and with anxiety and hopelessness because I cannot extract myself from the jumbled morass my life has become.
Don’t get me wrong—others are dependent on me for transportation, moral support, even financial help (and I’m on disability)—but I miss the life I had all those years ago when I was a minister and a writer. I can’t even get a resume together now, and doubt anyone would hire me having been out of work for so long. I need to be a self starter and take life by the horns, but that seems so hopeless now.
I really think the meds I was on would help me. But if you request them enough, you are accused of doctor shopping or being a drug seeker.
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