General Question

delirium's avatar

Is it sexier for a woman to have the perfect body, or for her to be comfortable in her natural one?

Asked by delirium (13700points) September 1st, 2008

This is a debate I have on occasion with friends. I am very interested in everyone’s opinion. This relates to everything from plastic surgery to extreme dieting to differences between individuals in general.

Is it more attractive for a girl to be paranoid about eating, or for her to be comfortable doing whatever she feels like?

Does it make a girl sexy for her to feel sexy and confident and playful?

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52 Answers

SuperMouse's avatar

The sexiest women I know are the ones who are comfortable in their bodies no matter the size.

Mtl_zack's avatar

both, but within limits. if shes really hot, but you cant eat a cake near her because she’ll get tempted and says all the bad nutrition facts, ill probably turn her down. if shes so comfortable that youre having a cake with her and she eats the entire thing, thats a problem too.

Randy's avatar

Bingo zach. I agree, I think it’s like a scale (no pun here). It takes a good balance of the two.

wildflower's avatar

I find people in general are more interesting and attractive if they’re comfortable being themselves, in every way, be it how they behave, what they say, what they wear, how they cut their hair or who they will or will not associate with.

I’m not sexually attracted to women, so I can’t say if the appeal is the same in that sense, but certainly, I’d be more inclined to notice and pay attention to a woman who has an individual style and carries it well than one who’s conforming to some standard ideal – same goes for men, IMO.

Lightlyseared's avatar

Every woman is sexy.

Vincentt's avatar

Exactly what Zack said.

girlofscience's avatar

I don’t know; I really don’t find the “BBWs” who think their “extra meat” is hot to be that sexy…

I think hot bodies are hot.

But I’m naturally prejudiced against overweight people, so I’m probably not the best person to ask. (Just being honest!)

Knotmyday's avatar

To me, a woman’s sexiness is directly related to her self-confidence. So I guess I would say “comfortable doing whatever she feels like,” combined with a healthy self-motivation.

Knotmyday's avatar

@GoS- How is one “naturally” prejudiced against overweight people?

wildflower's avatar

@girlofscience: is it only over-weight you’re prejudice against? What about under-weight? I mean, unless you’re actually suffering starvation, you can eat and prevent it, right?

girlofscience's avatar

@Knotmyday: Okay, forget the word “naturally.” I simply meant, it’s how I’ve always been.

@wildflower: Sure, severely underweight people don’t look that great either, but there seem to be far fewer of them, and they don’t provoke the same response of disgust within me when I see them.

wildflower's avatar

Wow, you must have a tough day if you feel disgust every time you see someone with a few extra pounds.
Personally, I don’t see body-shape as a big priority so unless it’s extreme one way or the other, I don’t give it much thought.

Vincentt's avatar

@wildflower – it’s not that often when you see overweight people. At least not noticeable, like it is sometiems in swimming pools. Then it can be quite… Well, you know. The worst thing is that those people often can’t help it (i.e. have obesitas or the like), so I feel bad too.

Though of course, being terribly under-weight is probably even more disheartening, but I’ve never really seen that live.

Bri_L's avatar

without a doubt 100% not even blinking no hesitation comfortable in her own skin.

That is the hottest thing ever. To many women with “hot” bodies think that that is all they need to be turn ons. At least by my experience.

@girlofscience – how are you “prejudiced against overweight people” and what do you define “overweight” to be?

wildflower's avatar

@vincent: most people I know are overweight to varying degrees. You are if you weigh more than your ideal, whether it’s 5 or 50 pounds more.

MissAnthrope's avatar

I think it’s more attractive for a girl to be self-confident and okay with herself than being one of those people who counts every calorie and lectures you that what you’re eating is bad. Those people are annoying. :P Plus, I find I really like people who are truly okay with themselves.

That said, I have struggled with my weight my whole life. It’s complicated and I won’t get into it here, but I definitely have major issues regarding food, weight, and self-esteem. Because of this, I have learned my whole life that noticeably overweight = unattractive. It feels wrong in a way, but I find I am attracted to girls on the thin side, rather than ones who have bodies like mine (I’m about 30 pounds over where I’d like to be). I have given it a shot, tried to fall for the person based on their personality alone, but I’m a hypocritical beeotch. I couldn’t do it.. it’s simply not what I’m attracted to.

Now, I am actually pretty thankful that there are people out there to whom weight is not such a big deal. I don’t think it should be a big deal, especially when it’s kind of an arbitrary social construct. Heck, if I lived even 100 years ago, I’d be considered attractively plump – historically, heavier people are associated with wealth and prosperity, a positive trait when seeking a mate.

girlofscience's avatar

@Bri_L: I don’t know how many pounds overweight I define “overweight” to be, but trust me, you know it when you see it, and it doesn’t look good! There are many people who can look good at an above-average weight because of their body structure, and these are not the people I am talking about. I am talking about the people who specifically stand out and make me think “Yikes!!!”

McBean's avatar

I think it’s probably a combination of being healthy and respecting your own body by keeping it fit (not perfect) and feeling comfortable within your own skin. I’ve had a few friends who are perfectly lovely, but who won’t even let their husbands see them naked. I can’t imagine enjoying my sexuality if I were that uptight. That wouldn’t be sexy, would it?

stratman37's avatar

We’re talking about being stimulated on two separate levels, aren’t we? I’m naturally very attracted to a “perfect” hot body with my eyes, but personal charm in a woman with a less-than-perfect body wins my heart over everytime!

syz's avatar

Based on the answers here, I’d say it’s a matter of maturity on the part of the “perceiver”. Attraction based purely on physical appearance would seem to be a surefire indicator of shallowness and/or immaturity.

MissAnthrope's avatar

@McBean – I agree. I’ve found that sometimes in life you just have to trust and surrender. I know when I’ve done it, the results have been positive. To stay on-topic, an example would be being really shy about my body. I found that I just had to let go, surrender the fears/anxieties, and trust what my girlfriend said about loving every inch of me. Sometimes I could still get shy, but I just surrender, and trust in her attraction to me.

@syz – I think the majority here are including personality into the equation. I’d bet most of us recognize it to be an important component in a successful relationship.

A girl could be drop-dead gorgeous, but if she has an unpleasant personality, pfffft. Not worth my time.

arnbev959's avatar

Some people like their women big, but I don’t. It’s a personal preference. I know what girlofscience means, it isn’t that I hate fat people—i just don’t look for that in a partner.

As far as body structure, I care more about personality than body type, however, there are body types which I probably would never go for. (On a deeper level there may be some truth to somatotype theory, or something similar. There are certain personalities that I can’t imagine persons of certain body types to have. Maybe this could be the conditioning of society, maybe something else, I don’t know. I’m just putting it out there. It could be part of the reason I can’t see myself dating people with certain builds.) The ideal woman (for me) is average to slightly heavy. Of course personality beats looks, but sometimes you can tell a bit about personality from looking at a person.

I’m with stratman37 that there are different types of attraction. “Hot” girls are hot, but not the kind of woman I’d marry. “Pretty” is a better way of describing the kind of person I’m attracted to on a physical level.

Regular people are ultimately more attractive than supermodels. Being overly self-conscious of the way one looks is a turn off for me. Girls who wear a lot of makeup creep me out.

Bri_L's avatar

@ AlenaD – Good points all

@ strataman37 and girlofscience you raise good points to.

In the end the heavier they are, I will admit, the more turned off I am. But the better the attitude they have, the heavier they can be.

I don’t know if that makes sense.

I also wonder if those who are among the pretty and thus able to be choosy are, by that fact, more inclined to be so.

stevenb's avatar

I go for the girls who are comfortable in their skin. Hands down. I may not be attracted enough to date them, but I think it is sexier. I have yet to meet a super hot bodied girl with a personality I could stand. I think a lot of girls forget that beauty can fade and that they need to get a personality before they hit thirty. I still think that a super fit person is very sexy, but often I see that great body accompanied by obsessing with fitness and eating to the exclusion of personal relationships. I enjoy seeing the hot body, but I love spending time with the ones comfortable in their skin. My wife is no stick, and I think her beauty oushines women with much “nicer” bodies. She is told all of the time how beautiful she is, and a lot of that is her beauty, but the other part is because she is happy with who she is. Women who love themselves modestly and honestly are far more beautiful than phsically beautiful people are. At least in my experience. I think that not being born as one of the pretty people maybe helps them love themselves more and appreciate the love of others more fully and easily. I am sure there are exceptions to this, but I have yet to see one.

blastfamy's avatar

I would actually rather she be comfortable. So long as comfortable =/= chunky.
I mean, like, Star Jones Chunky

Bri_L's avatar

@ stevenb – KUDOS! Well said.

girlofscience's avatar

@blastfamy: Star Jones is really skinny now!! But she looks like a crazy alien.

Larssenabdo's avatar

I find extremes of any kind to be unlovely, and really that goes to the fact that extremes tend to not be healthy. I’m gonna turn my head like any guy, but confidence, a sense of humor, intelligence, depth and kindness are the things that make me ask for a date. Even before that, there is something about the way a woman who is comfortable in her own skin carries herself that makes you want to know her. Personally, I find SKINNY, bony, anorexic, Victoria Beckham types much more unattractive than women with real bodies.

augustlan's avatar

When I was a teenager, I was considered “hot”. I was frequently called beautiful, but never “sexy”. There were always plenty of guys around to choose from…and I chose them all. It was a way of feeling self confident, when I did not feel so in any other way. At that time, I was not very open to acting without considering how I would look, or be perceived. As I aged, and grew into the person I am now, I became much more confident and comfortable with myself. I am no longer “hot”, not by a long shot, and weigh quite a bit more than I used to. However, several people have told me I have an innate sexiness, now. These days, I even sometimes believe it!

Bri_L's avatar

@Larssenabdo – The Beckham types YUCK! Give me an American Ferraro

delirium's avatar

Stephenb, if that’s your wife with you in your av, she’s GORGEOUS.

stevenb's avatar

Thanks Bri L! And Delirium, thank you thank you thank you! I think so too! That was on a snorkeling trip in Mauii in January.

susanc's avatar

I’m very comfortable in my naturally-perfect body, 65 years old, 30 pounds heavier than when I was 25, with laugh lines and worry lines and age spots on my hands and chin hairs and cataracts (but one is going away on Wednesday, yay). People notice I’m beautiful when they talk with me. Otherwise they don’t see me at all.

susanc's avatar

Actually Stephenb you too are gorgeous.

stevenb's avatar

Well thank you susanc! My wife tells me that too, but I just smile and thinks she is sweet to say so. I think I married up! You sound like a beautiful woman too.

susanc's avatar

She IS sweet to say so, but that doesn’t make her wrong!!!!!! Good lord, boy. Trust that pretty woman!

blastfamy's avatar

@girlofscience, yes she is really skinny. But we all remember what was. I’m glad for her that she is happier(?). But you are right, I think she went a little too overboard.

Judi's avatar

In answer to your question and if anyone is honest the answer would really depend on what the person looked like naturally. The question was about “sexy” right? Honorable and likable would have a different answer.

Summer's avatar

You can definitely tell when a woman is comfortable with herself and I think a lot of guys find that confidence factor attractive. The more confident you are in yourself, the more confident you be in every other aspect of your life. A lot of times being overweight causes girls to not feel so “ok” with themselves and this lack of confidence is radiated to those around her. Most guys that I know don’t find girls with a lack of self-confidence to be attractive because how are they supposed to like them if the girl doesn’t even like herself. Long story short, girls feel confident with who you are and those around you will notice your confidence and be attracted to you.

Zaku's avatar

It may be a balance, but I lean far towards the “be comfortable” side. Ideally, be completely comfortable, and be both healthy and comfortable.

Bri_L's avatar

How about this tac

I feel best with a girl who is comfortable with herself with ME!

cyndyh's avatar

@Judi: Well, sexy isn’t just about the visual either. I don’t look anything like a model and I’ve never been short a fella or offers from fellas, and there’s nothing plastic about me. In my own personal experience and from what I’ve seen of friends dating and in relationships, confidence and “comfortable in your own skin” wins out.

scamp's avatar

Confidence =sexy
Conceit= ugly

stevenb's avatar

@scamp, I wish more people could tell the difference. Ties in with having a personality. The hottest body in the world doesn’t make up for a conceited mind. Good answer.

scamp's avatar

Thanks Steve. The sexiest body, whether on a man or a woman loses big time points with me when the person thinks to much of themselves.

wundayatta's avatar

I’m wondering what people mean by “comfortable.” Summer suggested that it might be confidence. My interpretation of what susanc is saying is that comfortable means acceptance of your body, or not criticizing yourself. Augustinian grew out of “hot” into confidence and comfortability and “innate sexiness.” Stevenb says he likes women who are “comfortable in their skin” and tells us his wife is “happy with who she is.” AlenaD thinks women should be confident and okay with themselves. Supermouse: comfortable with their bodies; Wildflower: comfortable being yourself.

So the consensus seems to be that comfort means self-acceptance, and no perceivable awkwardness or apology for existing; lack of nervousness, and then the outgoingness: the big smiles, the confident tone of voice; the stage presence, I guess. Clearly these things can belong to anyone of any shape or size. Also, clearly, these things can be learned.

Of course, beautiful people don’t have to learn them when they are young, for many people will be attracted to them simply based on their looks. They may turn into confident people because that’s the reaction they always get. It probably helps that they are generally smarter (check out the other questions I’ve answered on this if you have doubts, or seek supporting data).

Still, people can overcome a lack of confidence, or a lack of native intelligence, with training.

My guess is that the people who hang out on social networking sites like this one are not reflective of the overall population. There’s a reason why we are more comfortable with pixels and let it take us away from efforts to meet others in person. My guess is that we are, on average, not as good looking, more shy, more prone to depression, and better with the written word than the in-person word. It would be cool to take a random sample of folks here to survey and see if I’m on target or not.

I know I do better, personally, when I act confident and happy. People like me, and, while not attracted to me, are at least not repelled by me. When I’m depressed, forget about it. People just wish I’d go away. If I had control over these things, I’d be happy all the time. And in person, I’d be confident. As it is, I do put up a good front. People often accuse me of confidence, even arrogance. That’s only because I’m trying to imitate confidence, and overshooting the mark. In reality, I’m a paper soldier.

Judi's avatar

lurve to you for being so vulnerable :-)

Rainbow76's avatar

I’m a straight woman answering this question here.
To me, a woman being sexy is not about how she looks, but how she carries herself. My definition of sexy is a bit different than most people’s. To me, sexy is not about being a Baywatch babe who can grace the covers of nudie magazinzes. To me, the sexiest of women are the ones who don’t feel the need to wear skimpy attire to feel good about the way she looks, that she does not desire just any guy looking at her body in the buff, that she is kind and caring to others, that she has morals and values, that she is not into being a bad girl.
I’m not saying women are wrong if they choose to be skimpy or if they choose to pose for nudie magazines. Just what I think of as a sexy woman is different.
As for bodies, well, I have to like the personality FIRST. But sexiness to me is about taking care of your body best way possible and be as healthy as you can. Sometimes bad health happens to those who take the best care of themselves. It’s important for a woman to be comfortable in her natural body and love what she sees in the mirror. I love looking at my face in the mirror these days, but I’m also honest with myself knowing I am 60 pounds over, I need to lose for my health sake. I can be comfortable in my body, but my health comes first.

Just_Justine's avatar

I think it’s the same old, same old. Men will write yeah they like a confident woman blah blah. In real life the hot body wins always.

stevenb's avatar

I had a discussion with a few friends the other day. We were talking about the girl from Transformers. They all think she is super sexy. I don’t get it at all. I personally can’t see her appeal. Maybe she just reminds me of pissy girls from my life, I don’t know. I just don’t see her as sexy at all. I DO think that the slightly bigger co star on Eastwick is sexy. She is the reporter girls friend. I would love to meet her, but Megan Fox couldn’t get my interest in the least.

Nullo's avatar

In terms of raw sexiness, it’s the perfect body, hands down. But sexiness only counts for so much in a relationship.

hotgirl67's avatar

The sexiest people are the ones who are comfortable with themselves and know how to take care of themselves.

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