Social Question

Love_my_doggie's avatar

Have you ever been invited to dinner under false pretenses?

Asked by Love_my_doggie (10646points) 3 weeks ago

Maybe you were welcomed to someone’s home for a meal, only to be pitched multi-level marketing products and offered no food.

Perhaps a romantic partner took you to a restaurant to break up with you, believing that you wouldn’t make an embarrassing scene in a public place.

Do you have a story? Please do share!

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18 Answers

Inspired_2write's avatar

One Employer invited his staff to his house party and when we arrived 15 minutes earlier witnessed an array of scrumptious foodstuffs of which they immediately cleared off before the rest of us staff arrived?

They then put out cheap snacks like potato chips,dip etc

This was the year celebrating the New Year 2000.

Also they openly ONLY took photographs of there family members!

Disgusting way to treat valuable loyal staff over the years!

The message to us staff…You are underlings compared to us!

There retail grocery business suffered an employee turnaround more than most.

Jeruba's avatar

I think so, although at the time it didn’t dawn on me. I was young, barely twenty, and very naive.

A co-worker, a nice young man in his early thirties, told me that his wife had been diagnosed with a rare skin condition that made it painful for her to be touched. I expressed appropriate sympathetic concern. That was all. I didn’t think any more of it than that: poor thing, I’m sorry, that must be awful.

Some time later, a few weeks or a month, he told me they’d like to invite me over for coffee and dessert (not actually for dinner). I wasn’t much into socializing with co-workers, but I liked him, so I went. They were both very cordial. We made pleasant small talk for a couple of hours, and then I thanked them and left, wondering vaguely what that was really about.

I left that job after another year and never had any further contact with him.

Decades later, something brought that evening to mind, and only then did it occur to me that I had probably been interviewed, on the husband’s behalf, for the wife’s approval. Whatever signals they may have given me, I didn’t get them, and of course I didn’t respond. Nothing more was ever said.

If I’d ever caught on, I would have said I was faithful to my boyfriend; but I didn’t, and thank goodness, that saved me from a very awkward moment.

Unless, of course, my belated interpretation was all wrong. I’ll never know, in any case.

Dutchess_lll's avatar

No. When I was asked to have dinner (or drinks, or coffee” it was known the end reward was supposed to be sex.
I quickly starting declining dinner, drinks or coffee.

YARNLADY's avatar

Under mistaken circumstances, a friend at my pool party was bragging about his special spaghetti sauce. He said we should try it, so I asked when would be a good time. He answered with a date next month. When my family showed up at his house, he had no idea why were were there and ended up taking us out to a restaurant.

gondwanalon's avatar

Back in the early 80’s in San Francisco most people thought the I was gay but I explained all who asked that I was not gay. A beautiful woman ask me me to go to dinner with her to her friend’s house. I thought that she liked me for a possible romantic relationship.

When we got to her friend’s house, a single gay man was the only other one there. He made a great dinner. Everything was very nice. Good food and conversation. Slowly I started to realize that the purpose of the dinner was to set me up with the gay man. I remained calm and courteous. Played dum. Felt sick. Couldn’t wait to leave.

Patty_Melt's avatar

Not dinner, but I dated a man for a while before I realized what was going on.
We were friends, and I spent a lot of time at the shop he owned, and other friends of his did as well. Occasionally, I stepped up to help when he needed it.
One day he asked me for a favor. A movie he wanted to see was in town. He asked the group, he said, but they were all busy. Okay, sure. One day he wanted ice cream at this yummy soft serve place. It was closing time, and I was just headed home, so sure, I’d ride along. It was a few of these things before it hit me that it was always just me. I looked at him one time on the way home and asked him, “are we dating?”
He laughed, and said he thought I would figure it out sooner.

zenvelo's avatar

A fraternity brother who graduated a few years before me invited people over for a Saturday barbecue swim party at his house. I could n’t make it because of my own work, but a bunch of guys went.

When they got back that night, turns out that it was an Amway recruiting party. Guys were pissed, he was shunned.

Love_my_doggie's avatar

This happened back when I was single and dating.

A guy and I met, talked for a while, and got on well. (This wasn’t a date, just a random encounter between two strangers.) We chatted about the usual getting-to-know-you topics, such as our hobbies and interests. Among other things, I mentioned that I love to cook. He was impressed and intrigued, and he asked questions about what sorts of foods I prepare.

Shortly after, the guy telephoned and invited me to dinner. I gladly accepted. We chose a day and time. I was waiting for him to discuss a restaurant with me or, if he’d already chosen one, to tell me where we’d be going. Instead, he asked, “Can I bring anything? A bottle of wine?”

Yes, he’d invited himself to my home for dinner! Because I’m an avid cook, he presumed that I’d buy groceries, prepare an elaborate meal, and serve it. He really thought that he could ask me out on a date and, of course, that I’d provide it.

I declined. I didn’t bother with any mention of his audacity and utter lack of manners. Why bother having that discussion?. I simply told him that I wouldn’t be available, after all. He tried to reschedule. I said, “I’ll call YOU” (meaning, “Goodbye forever!”).

Patty_Melt's avatar

Wow! That would take a lot of chutzpah.

Love_my_doggie's avatar

^^^ Chutzpah, combined with boorishness and no social graces.

Something else happened during that phone conversation, which was off-putting. It was between when he invited me to dinner, and when he let me know I’d be cooking it.

He’d called me from his office. He said that he wasn’t really getting any work done, just “dicking around.” That offended me. A guy doesn’t talk that way to a young lady, especially one whom he doesn’t know, and one who doesn’t use vulgar language. Given that revelation, I was already thinking about canceling our “date.” Then, of course, he sealed the deal a few minutes later.

Love_my_doggie's avatar

@zenvelo. It seems that Amway coaches its workforce to do exactly that – invite friends and family members to some home event, only to do a bait-and-switch. What a surefire way to end up alone and lonesome.

That happened to me once. Briefly, my husband’s friend had remarried, and his new wife invited me to a Saturday afternoon tea party. I got dressed-up and went. When I arrived, there were no other guests, and no food or beverages available…the “party” had clearly been some kind of scam. Shortly later, a couple of other ladies arrived, and they were Amway distributors. I bought nothing, and my husband lost that friendship forever.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Ok. Elephant, in the room, time…

Ladies. If a man, asks you to dinner, that’s a “date.”

Is that, really so hard, to understand?.. Especially if the guy, pays for everything…

No. You don’t “owe,” a man sex, for a date. But… You, were on a date.

A simple way, to clear this up, is that the female, pays for her orders, at check time. Simple…

If a man asks a female, to “go out,” for drinks, or dinner, he’s “asking you out.

This is not quantum physics…

JeSuisRickSpringfield's avatar

In my second semester of college, I invited a classmate of mine to a party. She invited me to a dinner with her friends in return. The dinner was first. Turns out that by “friends” she meant her family (“but they are my best friends!” she later told me), and the dinner was an opportunity for her father to find out if I was worthy to date his daughter.

I was not trying to date his daughter.

Dutchess_lll's avatar

@MrGrimm888 I learned long ago to turn down dates or drink offers or anything else that might make beholding to him in any way.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^It’s sad, to think that way. But. Not stupid. Stay sharp Dutch….

Dutchess_lll's avatar

Meh. It was what it was. I’m a fast learner. By the time I was 18 I learned most of the ropes. I managed to keep myself out of any seriouss sexual harassment. Or rape. And some of it was luck.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^“Luck,“is part of it…

Dutchess_lll's avatar

Yes. “Luck” was a huge part of it.

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