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sadgirl95's avatar

Am I overreacting?

Asked by sadgirl95 (12points) 3 weeks ago

I live with my ex’s mom and her boyfriend (along with his unemployed 22 year son who just moved in 5 months ago and isn’t actively looking for employment of any kind). We live in his house. Yes I pay rent, I buy groceries for the entire household, I cook for the family, I clean, I pay my own bills and utilities for the house including internet, I have a full time job, I have my own car, etc. Anyway, I am in a long distance relationship (for now until we make permanent plans which will probably be soon). My boyfriend bought a plane ticket and is staying at the house for a week before he flies back. We have an amazing relationship. My ex’s mom’s boyfriend said it was more than okay my boyfriend could stay with us for a week. He said the decision was up to my ex’s mom because it was her house too. She said yes and was excited for him staying with us.

So anyway, he’s been staying with us and everything has been great. Last night, I expressed to my boyfriend I wished he could stay longer. I asked my ex’s mom if it was okay and she said he could stay for an additional week, so my boyfriend changed his flight. Well, the following morning, my ex’s mom told me that he can’t stay for another week and to change his flight so he can go home over the weekend. The reason is her boyfriend said he hasn’t been sleeping because the cats keep meowing at night since we have a new person in the house. Tbh, they always meow at night and have the zoomies. Her boyfriend is a light sleeper and her son (my ex) is coming to stay for 2 weeks next weekend which I wasn’t even aware about beforehand. If I sneeze at night or get up from my bed, it wakes him up in the other room and he complains. Everything wakes him up. He also likes to comment at what times I go to bed at night which I think is a bit weird since I’m an adult. He’ll say, “Wow, you went to bed really late last night at midnight.” I am not loud at night. He hears every small thing. Neither have my boyfriend and I been loud at night. We’ve been as quiet as possible and have to walk on eggshells just to be dead quiet.

Anyway, my point is, I feel like this is unfair. It should be my house too but I feel like a stranger in the house who has to ask permission for everything under the sun. My ex’s mom said she feels like we are imposing on her boyfriend and taking advantage of his house by letting my boyfriend and her son stay over, when in the first place, he said they can stay over with no problem. She said her boyfriend isn’t sleeping because of the cats meowing at night and it’s because of my boyfriend since they aren’t use to him. She also wants my ex to sleep in my bed with me due to the limited bedrooms in the house. I DO NOT feel comfortable doing that. Why can’t he sleep on the couch? Why is he staying in my room? I pay rent. I pay for my room and I feel like I have ZERO privacy and NO say in anything. Now they (my ex’s mom’s bf and her) feel like I am overreacting and acting like a brat because I am very upset and mad. They told my bf he can stay as long as he wanted and then the next day, told him to leave soon. He can’t stay more than a week but her son can stay 2 weeks? And my ex’s mom’s bf his son brings people over all the time without asking. Am I overreacting or do I have a right to be mad?

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13 Answers

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sadgirl95's avatar

We don’t have money for a hotel.

jca2's avatar

You’re a renter in someone else’s house. It’s their house, their rules. If they say your guest can’t stay because it’s affecting the household, then your guest can’t stay. It’s not quite the same as renting an apartment, where you have total control and say over what goes on within the apartment. You’re paying to stay in their house. It’s not “your house too.” It’s their house and you’re renting a room.

However, they can’t dictate who sleeps in your bed. It’s very inappropriate and weird for them to say your ex, their son, has to sleep in your bed. That’s bizarre, frankly.

If I were you, I’d be looking to get out asap. It seems like the relationship between you and the homeowners is going to deteriorate rapidly now, with their weird request about the son sleeping in your bed, and you being angry about your boyfriend having to leave.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Share a bed with your ex???? Leave! Don’t shell out another dime, cook another crumb or clean another speck of dust. Crash with a friend, a relative or find a room somewhere else fast.

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chyna's avatar

You have overstayed your welcome. Get out of that situation as soon as possible. They can’t force you to share your bed with anyone, but they seem to not care about laws.

snowberry's avatar

You’re paying a very high price to be treated like a slave. If I were you I’d sleep in my car before I put up with another night of this nonsense.

LadyMarissa's avatar

YES, you have the right to be mad…still, the owner of the house gets the final say!!! Your ex’s mom doesn’t care that your bf will be staying longer. Truth is that she doesn’t own the house & she’s not doing any cleaning nor cooking so it doesn’t bother her. The owner of the house wants him out so he needs to change his plane reservation to the earliest possible flight out & go. IF things work out with you & your bf, you might not have to put up with any of this for long. IF things don’t go the way you’re planning, I’d be getting my butt out of there ASAP!!! I wouldn’t want to live with my ex’s mom that’s for sure. Until you get out, you might want to consider eating out every night after work in place of going home & let them fend for themselves in the food department. You can always say that you’re having to work late & are going to get something to eat before coming home because it would be too late to eat then.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

This sounds like a bad living arrangement, not an overreaction. You may be right, but I’m not sure that means much because ultimately she gets to have the final say, and that’s a terrible situation to be in. The longer you stay the more skewed that dynamic is likely to become because it isn’t cooperative and that would wear on anyone.

Sometimes even when we’re being treated unfairly or if our perspective is right, there isn’t much we can do about it but leave the situation. I don’t know if this is a typical pattern, but that you don’t feel secure in your own home (which, renting or not, it IS), is a huge red flag that this is a piece of a series of ongoing things not just this one.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

It is understandable why this situation is frustrating. It is time to move out. It sounds like it is time to find a safer abode until you and the boyfriend are ready to move forward. Please keep us posted.

jca2's avatar

If you have a full time job, pay for rent plus pay for groceries plus internet, that combined should be something substantial you can put toward renting your own place.

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