General Question

Jreemy's avatar

Are women attracted to intelligence, and how big of a deal is physical attractiveness?

Asked by Jreemy (168points) September 6th, 2008

I tend to consider myself to be an intelligent guy. I graduated in the top ten people of my class and I am majoring in Applied Physics (math intensive). I am quite pleased with my mental ability, but I am on the large side in terms of weight. I have only had one girlfriend to date, and that ended over two years ago. I am curious as to whether or not my weight could be an issue and if women are attracted to intelligent men.

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50 Answers

kevbo's avatar

Buy this book. It is spot on.

augustlan's avatar

I myself am very attracted to intelligence…but tend to lean towards the lanquage side of things, rather than the math side. Overweight and morbidly obese are viewed differently…being hugely obese is probably a deal breaker for many people. Just being overweight could be an initial stumbling block, but it depends on many other factors. Are you healthy? Do you present a neat, rather than sloppy appearance? Are you confident? All those things, plus a likeable personality tend to over-ride weight issues. Some people, of course, will never look past the weight…but would you really want to date a person like that anyway?

trudacia's avatar

Absolutely, I think I’ve had a crush on most of my male teachers young and old.

wildflower's avatar

Appearances catch your eye, but charm and wit catch your interest and heart.

Jreemy's avatar

@augustian, I didn’t say I was only knowledgeable in math, haha. All jokes aside though, I am healthy and I dress and groom in a presentable fashion. I am deemed “obese” but I can function just as well as any of my thinner colleagues. The only thing I cant really do is run for long periods of time. I am confident in most things, not all (hence the weight question). This is why I ask if weight is that big of a problem.(no puns please).

ljs22's avatar

Intelligence is paramount in my book and generally trumps just about everything else. That said, I tend to respond to wit, knowledge of literature and history, and teasing…not bon mots about applied physics. That’s just me, but you might want to train that giant brain of yours on a variety of subjects so you can spark the interest of a variety of women. As for the weight issue, I wouldn’t think it would be a dealbreaker for most as long as you dress well and “own” it (i.e., work on walking around like you are hot shit and don’t apologize for your size with your body language). Perhaps seek out others who share your body type.

Mr_M's avatar

It’s like everything else – your competition is not fat AND has the brains and personality. It’s not far from a job interview (for which, there too, your competition has the degrees, experience, personality, but not the weight).

JackAdams's avatar

All I can say to respond to that, is that more women would probably prefer to be married to BILL GATES, than GEORGE CLOONEY.

Why, I have no idea…

September 6, 2008, 2:30 PM EDT

charliecompany34's avatar

women do enjoy an attractive man, but attractive and intelligent gets major points. on the flipside, some of us are not fortunate to have looks and brains all at the same time. so there is always someone for somebody and intelligence, in my opinion, is far better than just good looks. a good-looking person who has no clue about bills, debt and how to eat at a restaurant can stress a brother out in the long run. good-looking, intelligent people are keepsakes and when you find that combination hold onto it tight! guess that’s why i’ve been married to my good thang for 13 years now!

wundayatta's avatar

Confidence and comfortableness with self seem to matter more. If you can be relaxed, and just an interesting person, then women claim to be able to see beyond your outward appearance to the person underneath.

On the other hand, you could be really smart, and believe you are stupid and worthless, and no woman will be interested in you, unless she likes wounded puppies or something. Which is not a bad thing. If it weren’t for women who like wounded puppies, I’d still be a virgin. Then again, I was probably in the last one percent of men born my year to lose their virginity. It warn’t for lack of desire, that’s for sure.

scamp's avatar

My son-in-law is a big guy. He is extremely intelligent, warm and giving. My daughter is comepletely devoted to him, and he to her. I am very proud to have him in the family.

Ignore any insulting remarks you may get in this thread. We have a couple of very rude insensitive people here. Don’t let their ignorance upset you.

wildflower's avatar

Looks without personality is great for a one-night-stand.
Personality without looks doesn’t attract overnight (unless it’s one hell of a personality!)
......everything else is somewhere in between.

Mr_M's avatar

You just gotta have big feet. Do you have big feet?

allengreen's avatar

Being heavy will be an obstacle for you attracting women. Keep in mind that physical attraction has an evolutionary function: to attract a mate that is most likely to perpetuate the species. The Mesomorphic body type attracts more women,
Since weight relates to health , dropping some pounds will do wonders for your future health and love life. Losing some weight will increase the potential dating pool for you and open up more possibility.
I suggest that you travel to a European, Asian, or S. American country where women appreciate men who don;t look like a movie star or an athlete. Here in the US even really fat ladies think they deserve Brad Pit types, and in case you have not noticed, American Women generally value the superficial, while women from abroad still value the intellect.

This link may open up your mind

There are many links on the left side of this blog that may help you;

augustlan's avatar

Wow, Allen. You come across as very bitter about women sometimes.

wildflower's avatar

I can’t decide if I should be flattered that us non-american women appreciate intelligence or offended that we don’t deserve Brad Pitt…...

Bri_L's avatar

@ wildflower – “but charm and wit catch your interest and heart” proves you deserve both,
it also shows you captured my heart once again. Unfortunately not only am I married, but I am not brad pit. I am more brad the pits.

Response moderated
marinelife's avatar

Intelligence is one factor that is attractive to women, but there is no single factor. Kindness, charm, sense of humor, conversational skills, and to some extent looks all matter.

There are many heavy women who have wives and girlfriends. Sean Astin is one celebrity example. Work on that self esteem!

Response moderated
augustlan's avatar

Removed by myself

Response moderated
augustlan's avatar

Allen, bitterness, the condemnation of all American women, and cruelty towards other users are most unbecoming. I can tell you are an intelligent man, and some of your questions and answers have been very thought provoking. Please try to show us more of that.

My previous comment was made in haste and poor taste, so I removed it.

allengreen's avatar

Augustlan- I apoligize for being a dick (and I was), and you take the high road and I respect you for that. I will now flag my own comment as inappropriate.

As far as comdemnation of American Women, I should be more clear that it is not personal as it is a comentary on our very sick culture, and my mother and sisters and daughters are American women and I apoligize for over generalizing.

augustlan's avatar

Thank you, Allen :)

Bri_L's avatar

Way to go allen – there are not enough people who are willing to apologize on here.

Good job mate!

Augustlan – there are even some who don’t accept. Thank you.


scamp's avatar

Wow! this is great! I never thought I’d see this. Good job!!

McBean's avatar

I have always fallen in love with a witty, intelligent mind. And while I enjoy pretty people, looks are not what keep me engaged. I’ve been caught off guard many times, discovering I’d fallen for someone who was not at all “my type” because I so loved their mind, their wit (VERY IMPORTANT) and their presence.

I think that most women (and men) will fall for people who
1.) are interesting and interested
2.) appreciate their most cherished traits and talents (in other words, sincerely appreciate and enjoy them)
3.) are comfortable with themselves
4.) share common interests and/or similar views of the world
5.) possess varying degrees of physical attractiveness

Regarding physical attraction: It means different things to different people and will sometimes depend on how many of the other qualities listed above you exhibit.

For instance, you may be willing to forgive a woman’s extra weight if she makes you laugh, makes you feel good, and is intellectually engaging; whereas the extra weight would put you off if she were somber and had poor hygiene – no matter how smart or interesting. (The converse is true as well: You may fall for a piece of dumb fluff with an angel face and a Baywatch body, forgiving the fact that she often uses double negatives and thinks college is a bunch of pictures arranged in an attractive manner.)

The best answer is for you to decide what’s important to you in a mate and to exhibit those qualities to the best of your ability. e.g. Stay healthy, be kind, and learn to like yourself if you want someone like that. Like attracts like more often than opposites attract.

MissAnthrope's avatar

My first piece of advice, as always, is to ignore allengreen’s rather interesting view of women.

Secondly, I think men are lucky in the sense that women place more emphasis on personality and inner beauty than men do. I have seen gorgeous women coupled with men that were, well, quite a bit lower on the attractiveness scale. Being overweight might be a turn-off for some, but your chances of finding someone who likes you for you are pretty good.

As I said in my post on your other thread (about how to meet women), if you join activity groups, this will give others a chance to get to know you in your element, without the pressure of dating. If a woman can get to know you and likes what she sees, there is a much greater chance that weight or some other external factor will not matter.

Bri_L's avatar

@ McBean – hamada hamada hamada. You are a true catch and keep for some lucky guy or gal.

@ AlenaD – I wish I could disagree with you about your second point, I really do. It sure seems that way. It is funny because all the guys that run in my circle are not that way. I don’t know how to explain it.

I definitely agree with your last statement. If you are in your element and relaxed they are going to see “you” and not who you are worried they want to see. Then, BAM it will be “we were both in this club and…..”.

Trance24's avatar

I find that I myself am attracted to intelligence. It is a nice compliment to a good relationship, I want someone that I can hold a good conversation with. At times even a good debate. Its a nice touch. As for looks its not the top of the list but I still find it important, but thats me. Some people do not care its all a matter or personality and things of that matter. In the end I suppose it does not matter whats on the outside, its just the fact that I am a bit on the shallow side and prefer good looking men.

McBean's avatar

Thanks, Bri. I’m into men, by the way. ;-)

marinelife's avatar

Edit: I made a typo in my answer. I meant men who have wives and girlfriends. Apologies to Sean Astin.

Bri_L's avatar

@ McBean: Saweet, my Manly (yes I have been mistaken for one once while going around a corner) fluther crush is alive!!!

McBean's avatar

Oh, good, Bri! It’s mutual!

McBean's avatar

@Marina: good catch.

jca's avatar

what i am attracted to in a man is: sometimes i like a really smart guy, i’ll be blown away by someone who i can have really intelligent conversations with, about a variety of topics. i dislike wimpy personalities. sometimes i like an average looking guy as long as he’s modest about his attributes. i like broad shoulders, a nice ass, nice legs. sometimes i have been attracted to the bad boy type. this is not the best guy for me, and i will quickly tire of him. the bad boy thing is not to try to change him, it’s the prospect of wild sex and adventure that i think is alluring. so as far as what i’m attracted to, it can be any of the above three things.

Mr_M's avatar

“Wild sex”? CALL ME!!! Who’s wilder than a monkey?

McBean's avatar

Mr_M…no one (not even OTHER monkeys/apes) are wilder than you.

(Be careful jca!)

jca's avatar

wow. this is exciting.

allengreen's avatar

ever notice that really large women are soooooo attracted to a man’s intellect? I wonder why that is….

cyndyh's avatar

I am attracted to intelligent men, yes. But there’s more to a person than physique and intelligence. I like witty guys. I like a certain kind of sense of humor. Everyone has a sense of humor. I never understand why people say that they want someone “with a sense of humor”. Some senses of humor are likable and some aren’t. I like guys with what I’d call “that aware look” that not everyone seems to have. I do like interesting and interested guys. (McBean said that beautifully.) And being a caring guy is essential.

Most of the above has to do with a guy’s mind, but not just his intelligence. I’ve dated guys of all different physiques. I think the only way the physique could be a deal-breaker for me would be if the guy is so out-of-shape that he couldn’t do anything with me outdoors.

Mr_M's avatar

What would “he” have to do with you outdoors? I get chilled easily. Is that a problem?

cyndyh's avatar

You could wear a monkey sized sweater, couldn’t you? :^>

I hike and kayak and do things that involve a lot of walking -go to music festivals, sight seeing, shopping. My fella doesn’t have to do everything with me, but I think it’d be a bummer if he could never do any of that with me.

Mr_M's avatar

Er, it would be pants (if you know what I mean).

McBean's avatar

@cyndyh: Remember to apply the “monkey factor” to everything Mr_M says. :-)

cyndyh's avatar

Yep, McBean, I’m familiar with this monkey. :^>

Um, Mr_M, did you get chilled in your pants from something I said? Or are you talking about outdoor…um… frolicking?

Mr_M's avatar

@cyndyh, I think I need a cold shower but I’m not sure.

cyndyh's avatar

LOL! Behave yourself …a little. :^>

lemsteve's avatar

No matter what anyone says, this physical attraction can be a deep subject indeed.

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