General Question

eeyore200343's avatar

Boyfriend help please!

Asked by eeyore200343 (175points) September 11th, 2008

my boyfriend has never told me im gorgeous and has stopped saying nice things to me. ive been saying to him for weeks now to please say nice things to me and he hasnt. ive just been on facebook and hes told a girl she looks gorgeous in one of her photos! do you think this is right?

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50 Answers

JackAdams's avatar

I’d say that, in all seriousness, that it isn’t “right” to keep that guy as a boyfriend.

I feel you can do much better than the likes of him, and encourage you to look elsewhere.

richardhenry's avatar

I agree with JackAdams. Your boyfriend seems to be losing interest in you, so he’s clearly a mindless idiot. Find someone new. Good luck, and I hope it works out.

jsc3791's avatar

Just curious – how long have you been together? And how old are you both?

Just trying to guage the maturity level of the relationship and parties involved before offering any advice = )

eeyore200343's avatar

im 20 and we have been together 2 and a half years hes 19

JackAdams's avatar

Even in light of your ages, my original advice stands.

eeyore200343's avatar

i love him though. i want it to work and ive had a word with him about it and he just kept sighing for fuck sake!

nikipedia's avatar

You will never change his behavior. You can only choose how to react to it.

richardhenry's avatar

He literally said “for fuck sake”? I think it’s time to move on, you can do better. Forget about him.

eeyore200343's avatar

yeah. he says hes not well and thats why hes sayig it. hes really upset me. i dont want to sound childish but i really dont know what to do anymore. how do i react to it?

skfinkel's avatar

I believe that you can’t make someone love you. You can break up with him and let him have a chance to date other girls. If he misses you, and learns that he is not willing to live without you, he will come back to you. Otherwise, he doesn’t love you and, sadly, that’s the way it is. Meanwhile, you get a chance to go out with other boys. Maybe you’ll find someone who thinks you are gorgeous. And you will like him better or not. If not, you can check on this guy and see how he is doing. Sometimes a time apart is the best thing—especially since you guys are relatively young.

I ended up marrying my high school sweetheart but we did break up a couple of times, and we both tried going out with other people. It just ended up that we loved each other, and it worked out happily for us.

Good luck to you.

eeyore200343's avatar

he says he loves me but somtimes they are just words right? i dont think i could bear to see him with anyone else

skfinkel's avatar

Even though it may be hard for you, it sounds to me like he needs some space.

jsc3791's avatar

Based on the fact that you started dating when you were still teenagers, it seems perfectly normal to think at some point you will grow apart.

It might be a good thing to try a trial seperation and see how you feel.

Use the time to go out with girlfriends and have fun. That sometimes is the best way to show someone that you are a confident, sexy person – just living your life and loving it!

And if he still isn’t interested after that, then hopefully you won’t be either! A taste of freedom and independence is sometimes just the right medicine.

Judi's avatar

Take it from the older and been there. You will feel liberated and hurt much less if YOU ARE THE ONE to let him go. I can tell by the urgency in your request that somewhere in your heart you know you’re loosing him. Your whole post takes my emotions back! You deserve to be cherished. He’s moving on. Don’t force him to cheat on you, make a clean break on YOUR terms. It will still hurt, but you will keep your dignity and it won’t hurt as bad as it will in an emotional ball with you groveling for him to stay. Been there, done that, one of life’s regrets.

jsc3791's avatar

Agree Judi!

Here! Here!

richardhenry's avatar

I agree with Judi’s great answer. I hope things work out for you.

bodyhead's avatar

Assassination is always an option.

4:34 PM 9/11/08

poofandmook's avatar

thanks body :P

Nimis's avatar

Well, he could very well be a douche. But the other option may be is that he’s just reacting to your request(s?) in an unproductive manner. I hate doing things just because someone asks me to. It’s retarded, but even if I was going to do them before they asked…just because they asked, I will think twice before doing it. I feel like it makes my actions less genuine and more of a mechanical reaction. Though my reaction is just (if not more) retarded.

poofandmook's avatar

At this point, if he started saying nice things, would you really believe him? Think about that.

scamp's avatar

Start spending more time with your girlfriends now. You are going to need them soon. sorry to say this, but like the others I think this is the beginning of the end for the two of you. Even if he did start to say you are gorgeous, you’d think it was because you told him to, and not because he wanted to.

If he is flirting with someone else, it’s a good sign that he has grown bored with the relationship and sooner or later there is a very good chance he would cheat (if he hasn’t already)

You are both pretty young to be so tied down to a committed relationship, so get out there and kick up your heels. Have some fun while you are young girl. It’s not over for you.. All the good stuff has yet to come. A few years from now you probably won’t even remember his name. So keep your chin up and go have some fun!!

gailcalled's avatar

Always listen to what people do rather than what they say.

Bri_L's avatar

Everything you mentioned in your relationship regarding him has been a trial or compromise or unpleasant for you.

I don’ mean this to seam harsh but the way your not responding to the suggestions, it seems you already know what to do but can’t or wont do it. Almost like you want suggestions that will make him a keeper.

Your listing all the reasons that tell us you should you should get out, and all the reasons you wish were true so you wouldn’t have to do it.

If some one introduced you to him and from the start he never complimented you and said “for f’s sake” would you be attracted to him?

It sounds to me like your in love with security and safety. In love with the known.

You have a host of fantastic advice up above from people way smarter than me so I wont add on. Reread it and strongly consider it.

You are worth more than your being treated. Try to find joy in yourself and the world and not in another individual.

scamp's avatar

Great advice there, Uncle Bri!

Bri_L's avatar

Why thank you Scampper!

tinyfaery's avatar

I tell this to women all the time: stop worrying about what a man expects from you, and start worrying about what you expect from a man. What do you want in a relationship? How do you want to be treated? If you have to, write a list of qualities that you want in a partner. Does your current boyfriend fit the criteria? If not, dump him. You cannot change him. I know it’s hard to let go, especially when it’s the first “real” relationship you have ever had. But don’t you deserve to be happy, and be loved the way you want.

allengreen's avatar

don’t call him for a few days….do the “take away”—that always works…..not that people tell me that I’m georgeous or anything, but it sounds like you make it too easy on him…..let his calls go to voice mail—men don’t want what they already have so, “take it away”.

Bri_L's avatar

@tiyfaery – that is absolutely brilliant! I am going to remember that for my daughter. i can’t believe I never heard that before.

PupnTaco's avatar

Dump him.

The end.

loser's avatar

Try backing off a little bit. I’ll bet you’ll become more interesting. It’s like a dance. Check out a book called The Two Step. You’ll learn a lot.

Babo's avatar

Bum! You can do better and you deserve better!

cyndyh's avatar

I think we often end up getting whatever we’ll settle for. Don’t settle for this type of treatment. Dump him, have some fun on your own for a while, and then you’ll find someone better.

jca's avatar

it sounds like you are being taken for granted. i say time to move on. you might have a hard time in the beginning, because you may miss him, but you’ll get over him and you’ll probably be happier for it.

windex's avatar

I’m sorry, I probably should not say this…buuuuut then again…

Maybe she’s just really ugly.

I kid, I kid.

cyndyh's avatar

He’s got nothing nice to say, windex. That makes him less than boyfriend material any way you slice it.

gailcalled's avatar

Making a really mean personal remark (apologizing and being aware of its inappropriateness and then adding “joking”) does not take away from cruelness of the sentence. What was the point, Windex?

JackAdams's avatar


Loved your post.

Seems I’ve seen those exact same words elsewhere…

I’m sure I’ll remember where, eventually…

windex's avatar

@Gail: Well she clearly needs to get rid of that guy, and I assumed after numerous posts form people that she got that.
Just wanted to make her laugh and forget about that stup*d dude, and get over him.
hope my comment didn’t make you sad
I wish there was a way for me to express love in my posts and show that they’re not filled with hate at all…ever.

gailcalled's avatar

@Windex; better a mean joke about the stupid dude than saying “Maybe she’s just really ugly.” That, as I read it, refers to eeyore and not the cruel bf.

poofandmook's avatar

Well windex, this girl obviously has at least some slight self-esteem issues, which may or may not have been brought on by this guy (sounds like a little before and after)... people with self esteem issues do not find it funny when someone calls them ugly.

bodyhead's avatar

Never call a woman ugly, never ask if she’s on her period, and never ever ask a woman if she’s pregnant. You get the benefit of my mistakes. It doesn’t matter how obvious it seems. This is the man code of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’.

Judi's avatar

Sweetie you CAN bear it and you WILL survive, I promise. Hold your head up and hold out for the treatment you deserve. After my heart was broken when I was your age I thought my world had ended. A few years later, after I was married I ran into the guy at the county fair. I was amazed at how small he looked. My life (30 years later) is much better than it ever could have been with that guy. I deserved to be treated like a princess and I now have a husband who adores me. as a matter of fact, I have to go because he wants me to talk to him right now. You will survive and be better for the experience. Take a deep breath, and don’t cry in front of him when you tell him it’s over. If he asks why, tell him you need to be cherished and although he cares about you very much it is clear that he just isn’t capable of giving you what you need in a relationship. Thank him for everything you learned in the relationship and walk out without looking back. No fighting, no disrespect and no groveling. Be a class act you deserve to be treated like. Good luck sweetie, you deserve to be treated like a princess.

JackAdams's avatar

ALL women deserve to be treated like a Princess, until, by their actions, they demonstrate that they do not.

Judi's avatar

and that’s why I advised her to take the high road.

eeyore200343's avatar

thank you all for your responses. and about the self esteem you are right i havnt got much so thanks windex for makin me feel good bout myself!

richardhenry's avatar

Windex got told. Let us know how it works out?

jca's avatar

windex: here’s a little life lesson for you. you will find that when you go around in life, when you say cruel things to people, you will just be labelled “an asshole” and nobody will want to spend any time with you. at work, as a guest in someone’s home, or as part of a larger social network, wherever, you may think it’s acceptable to preface your cruelty with the disclaimer “i probably shouldn’t say this,” and end with “i kid, i kid” but that doesn’t justify acting like a jerk.

XrayGirl's avatar

start making a plan to cut him loose….you are so young and have a lot to do and look forward to, I KNOW IT HURTS, BUT like Judi said, it will be well worth the pain to keep your dignity.

zaperrer's avatar

First, do not worry about what happens on facebook. People act entirely different when they are online and for most it’s like being drunk. Some are mean facebook-drunks and some are flurty facebook-drunks.

Then again, if you have explicitly told him that saying nice things to you is important to you, and he is not even concerned, it is clear that he doesn’t care about you or your emotions, ergo dump the sucker.

alex_85's avatar

Did you do anything in the past that made him dissapointed or cut loose on you? was there ever a current problem? we want more grounds here?
but basing on your context, i should say that nobody can treat you like that.i mean every person should be appreciated in every single ways..maybe you should try new things to spice up and bring back that old flame into your romance and observe. or if it still doesn’t work,maybe its time for you to let go.

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