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canidmajor's avatar

OK, Jellies, why do we stay?

Asked by canidmajor (18295points) 1 month ago

Recently there have been a few people who are just downright pissy all the time about Fluther, both newbies and some regulars. Why bother?
So let’s have a little positive stuff. Why do we stay?
I’ll go first. I actually like a lot of you. I enjoy the interaction and I’ve made some friends. I don’t take the site too seriously, if I have an important question, I ask a professional. If I ask something here, I take a lot of the responses with a grain of salt.

I like our mods, I am astonished that they are willing to stay in the face of all the abuse and crap they take.

I like that there is still a place on the internet where I can metaphorically sit at the counter, get a cuppa, and back and forth with some regulars.

It’s still here, against all odds, and I, for one, am delighted.

Yay, Fluther!

Your turn. Be nice. Be kind.
Don’t be a dick.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

25 Answers

janbb's avatar

Like you, I find Fluther a congenial place to hang out with generally interesting people and to put it crudely “shoot the shit.” Although I rarely need the same emotional support now that I did when my marriage was ending, a number of people here were a big help to me then. And I’ve made some good friends here and have even met several in person over the years.

Oh – and the mods. They take a licking and keep on ticking and I truly appreciate the work they do.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Several people here are interesting, kind, amusing or have minds that interests me. And I’m always on the prowl for intellectually stimulating threads.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Despite all appearances to the contrary, I am genuinely fond of all of us, including the mods and many of those selected selected to be excluded from us. And a point about our mods. It is their job to stand up to all the “abuse and crap”, and ours to keep them sharp regarding it.

cookieman's avatar

I stay because I like most of you people, have had little to no trouble here, appreciate the general discourse, and the little soaps in the bathroom are adorable.

canidmajor's avatar

Actually, @stanleybmanly, it is not the mods’ job to stand up to all the abuse and crap. It is their volunteer job to keep things on track, to the best of their abilities, not to put up with all the shit thrown their way.

chyna's avatar

I have been here since 2008. It’s like Cheers. A place where everyone knows your name. Or a little on the darker side, Hotel California. You can check out anytime you want, but you can never leave.
I have made some great friends here and I like most everyone.
I miss so many that have left through death or just drifted away. Honestly, I still think of some of them and hope they are well.
People call out snarkiness and I think we all are guilty of that at times. It’s like anywhere else, home, work, a bar. No one gets along 100% of the time.
I think if we are called out on it, maybe step back and think of the things we are saying. I know I have been and in most cases the other person is right.
And if you think the mods could do better, please volunteer to help them. They can’t be everywhere.
Edited to add: There are no little soaps in MY bathroom!

stanleybmanly's avatar

@canidmajor again you miss the point. I am not claiming our mods are not heroic. Far from it. I fault YOU rather than them for believing that voluntary firemen are not required to put out fires

Response moderated (Personal Attack)
Response moderated
canidmajor's avatar

Stan, you constantly bitch about the mods and the moderation itself. You constantly throw shit at the mods, not just randomly around for them to clean up.
Enough already. Geez.

stanleybmanly's avatar

I am TRULY disappointed that this is your view on what I am up to. Just as I am disappointed in THIS judgement call in the deletion of the previous 2 comments. Again, I will ask you to imagine the likelihood of any forum on earth including dozens of disparate people where shit will not be thrown. And PLEASE before any more deletions, understand that I am in no way insulted or disparaged by the chatacterization of SHITHEAD. I don’t care so much that this is your opinion. I’m MUCH more upset that you will not consider my question and that the mods deem the question moderated without explanation! We both deserve BETTER!

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

I liked this question when I read the OP, and then I read the thread. This is why we can’t have nice things.


I have occasionally thought about how much I’ve changed since I joined almost 12 years ago. At the time, I was living on disability and had wide ranging emotional responses to much of what was written here. I have seen blatant homophobic hate left intact. I left twice because of it for more than a year each time. I returned for the people. Gail’s death brought me back the first time, and I came back to follow John Powell’s cancer saga the second time.

The people are really what makes this place special. I have friends here, and I’ve met some in real life and like them even more because of it.

I left disability to return to the working world 6 years ago. I also got very serious about my meditation practice. I’m genuinely much happier now about my life. I have recovered from the reason I was on disability. I rarely get overly emotional about matters here.


The current threads about the state of our collective illustrate that you can’t please everybody. Some of us can let it go, and some of us have to bludgeon the rest of us with a wet noodle. I, for one, am finished with getting pasta water splattered all over my glasses. I’ll speak up when I think it may help, but it’s really not worth much investment.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Of course it’s worth it. If the site matters to you, STAND UP!

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Stanley, thank you. I needed that laugh. I’m glad it’s important to you, and I thank you for allowing me to have my own experience and not needing your validation.

jca2's avatar

I stay because I like that the site is intimate (even when it was at its largest, as far as membership base). I like that I have a good idea about each member, as far as what they’re like, how they write, their personalities, etc. I’m friends with a lot of Jellies on Facebook, so that adds another dimension to their profiles.

I like that we can ask anything or answer anything.

I like that I can check Fluther a few times a day and follow threads, often without commenting, just following and seeing how things unfold.

I like the simple format – there are not a lot of different sections, groups or comments. There are three sections, everything is consecutive and easy to read and follow.

kritiper's avatar

I stay because being here gives me something to do of interest from time to time during the day. I like everyone here although it is clear that there are those who don’t like me probably because I am so brutally honest most of the time. Their prob, not mine.

janbb's avatar

I was just thinking about the fact that when I come in from being out somewhere – like right now – almost the first thing I do is check what’s going on on Fluther. Since I live alone, it’s like coming home to a house full of people.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Exactly. They are people that are dear to me and MATTER. And Jake thank you for at least getting it right. We all need validation, and we SHOULD be here for one another. I PULL HARD in my heart for our mods. They’re our referees and the task is next to impossible. But neither canidmajor nor God himself is going to tell me their task is not to “stand up to all the abuse”. They are OUR only judges, wrong or right, and we should and MUST call them on it if we feel they are wrong. We have NO avenue of appeal beyond our forum and must be free to discuss the verdicts from on high among ourselves. All of you are entitled to tell me I’m full of shit, but I expect each of you to counter my arguments with reasoning beyond “you’re a dickhead”.

Mimishu1995's avatar

Y!A was a cesspool.

Facebook is all about popularity. If you aren’t popular in real life or a celebrity then no one cares about you.

Reddit is all about karmas and popularity, and there are just so many people they can’t care for everyone, even on subreddits that are supposed to be welcoming. Everything there just goes so fast that you have to constantly be available or you will be buried and forgotten in the sea of new posts.

StackExchange is just too formal, they don’t allow chitchat.

I was also on another forum that had a section for hanging out. But god the people there were so toxic and snobbish they ruined whatever fun I wanted.

Fluther is, so far, the only website that has a nice balance of seriousness and fun, without going too low into toxicity. I also like that I don’t have to be on this website 24/24 to keep track of things.

filmfann's avatar

I love the contributors here. Many here are genuinely experienced, and answer the posts well.
Okay, I didn’t think you’d believe that anyway.

I’m here for the free donuts and coffee.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Fluther is my Ikigai.
Fluther improves my writing skill and style.
Fluther answers my weird questions 24/7.
Fluther is my family. I don’t have friends in real life.
Fluther helps me sort out my mind

Dutchess_III's avatar

It’s Home. I run Home when I can’t take Facebook any more.

Zaku's avatar

I stay because I like and have grown attached to Fluther and am usually entertained, interested, and/or informed by the posts and the people, and sometimes I feel like I’m contributing something worthwhile, and Fluther doesn’t delete old content.

flutherother's avatar

I left for about a year but there is nowhere else on the Internet quite like Fluther and so I came back. It’s a community, like a local bar you can call into any time of the day to find a familiar face or two and discuss the topics of the moment. I’ve no problem with the barman, he doesn’t chuck people out without good reason and he doesn’t hold a grudge. I hope they never bulldoze it away for some fancy new development. That would be a crime.

stanleybmanly's avatar

And then “why do we stay?” Where else is there to go?

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