General Question

raum's avatar

Do you only put “son” or “daughter” on a headstone if they are survived by their parents?

Asked by raum (12052points) March 15th, 2022 from iPhone

We are choosing the wording for my aunt’s headstone. I suggested that we include “beloved daughter, sister and aunt”.

My sister said you’d only include “daughter” if she were survived by her parents.

I said that headstones are not for the living, but for posterity. All of the roles she had while she was alive.

What’s the right call here?

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16 Answers

kruger_d's avatar

I am an aunt without spouse or children. I would like my role as a daughter acknowledged.

SnipSnip's avatar

Your sister is incorrect in my world.

jca2's avatar

In my opinion, there are no hard and fast rules about it. The family puts whatever they feel is appropriate on the headstone.

beachbum76's avatar

People actually put jokes on headstones, so I would think you could put anything you want on a headstone. There are no headstone police or headstone monitors.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Cremation. Burial is a waste of space and money.

JLeslie's avatar

I think you can do whatever you want. We never stop being the child of our parents.

cookieman's avatar

I disagree with your aunt. Ultimately you can put anything you want on a headstone. I personally think it is lovely and inclusive to include (in some way) who the deceased was to many different people.

When my dad died, my mother chose for his headstone “My Beloved Husband” and that was it. As if he was not a brother to his siblings, son to his parents, or father to me.

Otherwise, simply say something about their character as a human in general.

Pandora's avatar

Was she loved by her parents? If yes then I would put that. I think its kind of a short description of the person role in life. In essence its saying she was a good daughter a good sister and a good aunt. That she was loved and appreciated throughout her life.

kritiper's avatar

Not necessary. Do the basics, nothing more.

Brian1946's avatar

I agree with you.

However, if I was buried, all I’d want is a downward pointing ▼ under my name. ;)

If I was cremated, I’d like to have a fake head“stone” mounted in my driveway. ;p

Inspired_2write's avatar

I would think that the costs of adding more words could get expensive, however wouldn’t the deceased had decided what to be place on the tombstone in the Will?

Here are some unusaul Epitaphs:
https://www.legacy.com/advice/100-best-examples-of-epitaphs/

raum's avatar

@Inspired_2write No will. And cost isn’t much of an issue.

Mostly it’s important to me to include all of the relationships she had during her life. Not just to those who are still living.

I think my sister thinks the marker is mostly just for surviving family.

I’d agree that burial rituals are more for the living than the dead. But at the same time, it’s not just about the living. It’s her death and her life. If that makes any sense?

Most of that was not @ing you. Just thinking out loud. :)

Inspired_2write's avatar

@raum
At a Genealologists view the more information on the tombstone the better for descendants searching for her too.

raum's avatar

A very good point!

Dutchess_III's avatar

I see your sister’s point. Wasn’t she somebody’s granddaughter too?

raum's avatar

@Dutchess_III Hmmm….that’s true.

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