Social Question

Jonsblond's avatar

What do you do when your significant other tells you life changing news and asks you to remain quiet about it for now?

Asked by Jonsblond (8107points) 1 month ago from iPhone

Ugh! How can I not talk about it? It’s not the end of the world but things will change, not necessarily for the worse. It’s just change.

I can’t zip it. Blerg

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

23 Answers

LadyMarissa's avatar

It sounds like it’s important to him, so I suggest that you find a way to zip it!!! Think how you’d feel if it was your secret & he blabbed it. Betrayal is devastating even more so when you’ve built up the trust!!!

Jonsblond's avatar

I’d hope you all know by now I wouldn’t say anything. I also don’t want this question to be about my specific situation. I’d like to know how others would cope in this situation.

Jonsblond's avatar

I’m sorry @LadyMarissa but your excessive exclamation points come across as aggressive.

LadyMarissa's avatar

I would explode before I’d betray his trust!!!

rockfan's avatar

This seems somewhat topical…

JLeslie's avatar

In most instances I’d keep it to myself, but if it was stressing me out beyond reason I might talk to a counselor. I don’t know if you’re very stressed or if you are having some other emotion.

I would never betray the trust between us and tell anyone else, and I have no doubt you’ll keep it to yourself also.

Probably, I would bug my husband with questions and thoughts about it, because he’s the only one I can talk to about it.

Jonsblond's avatar

@rockfan I love you

I’d like to ask the mods to move this to social please. :)

longgone's avatar

[mod says] Moved to Social on request.

flutherother's avatar

I don’t think I’ve ever broken a confidence. I’m pretty good at keeping shtoom.

KNOWITALL's avatar

It’s a sacred trust, not to be broken. That said, does this site count? :)

cookieman's avatar

I usually have the opposite problem. Someone else tells me a secret and says, “Don’t tell your wife”. You just know I’m telling my wife. I don’t keep anything from her.

Her secrets though — not only are they safe with me, but there’s nobody in my life I’d tell anyway.

I like the idea that it’s their story to tell.

Forever_Free's avatar

Unless it is illegal, I respect their ask.

JLeslie's avatar

@cookieman I don’t tell my spouse if I promise to not tell anyone. I think a lot of people probably are like you though. My spouse could care less about some secret a girlfriend tells me in confidence, why would I have to include him? Especially, if the friend specifies “no one, not even your husband.”

My mom once said, “if you don’t want anyone to know, don’t tell anyone.”

smudges's avatar

<sigh> another word I have to look up this morning! shtoom. LOL

kritiper's avatar

Honor the request.

jca2's avatar

I wouldn’t tell anybody because I’m very leery of telling someone and they repeat it because they’re gossipy, and I’m also leery of being mocked and talked about. I have a friend who will talk to me about her other friends, and she’s judgemental, so I know I can’t tell her anything personal.

I do think, however, that if your spouse told you something heavy, like if he is sick or if he is changing jobs to another city, or something big that is going to affect you (as I would think most things that affect him are going to affect you), it’s kind of unfair of him to tell you and not want you to process this information with a trusted friend or family member. If it’s really big or really life altering, and he insisted I can’t tell anybody, I might tell a therapist.

cookieman's avatar

@JLeslie: I see that too. If someone says to me, “and don’t tell your wife”, I’ll say, “then you probably shouldn’t tell me.”

Jonsblond's avatar

@KNOWITALL “It’s a sacred trust, not to be broken. That said, does this site count? :)

Girl, that’s why I’m here. :D

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Jonsblond You know many of us care for your family. If we can help, we’d like to. Hugs.

Jonsblond's avatar

I can spill. Jon needs to look for new work. The company he works for is global and they are shutting down the factory he works at. We have the option to relocate to either Saint Louis or Salt Lake City (not going to happen,) or he can stay on and get a five week severance package once he’s not needed. They are also offering to pay for education.

I’m a month and a half out from finishing my medical coding studies and I’ll be able to test for certification and look for work.

So many life changes for two 50 year old somethings who love where they live and refuse to move.

Jonsblond's avatar

It’s stressful. This company paid for our relocation from rural Illinois to Madison, WI in 2018. A move we made for our son. This job has great PTO and health insurance. :(

JLeslie's avatar

@Jonsblond I feel your pain and stress. Loving where you live is such a big part of happiness in life. Learning new skills and having to start looking for a new job in your 50’s is hard, really hard.

Even though your husband is choosing to leave his company, still, being without a job is very stressful, usually even worse for men who have been the breadwinners.

The incredible part about this is you are so close to being ready to make a career change with the medical coding. It’s like you prepared for this moment.

I assume Wisconsin has decent unemployment and that he will be eligible.

Jonsblond's avatar

^Yes. We’re not worried about landing on our feet. We always do. It’s the change that’s a struggle. We always move on to bigger and better things so we’re staying positive.

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