General Question

trudacia's avatar

Have you ever faked an orgasm?

Asked by trudacia (2508points) September 25th, 2008

Women, have you ever faked it? If so, why?
Men, do you think you’ve been with a women who faked it? Have you ever faked it? If so, why?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

70 Answers

makemo's avatar

Jeese, no.

pplufthesun's avatar

Sure, when I’ve had enough and I just wanna get some rest.

MrMeltedCrayon's avatar

I think the closest that I ever came to faking an orgasm was an “Oh uh, that was great, gotta go!” followed by promptly pushing myself out from under the insanely drunk girl that had thrown herself on me and started groping.

tinyfaery's avatar

Only with men. Why? To get them off of me. (Not to say that I had bad sex, but come on, I can only stand the pushing for so long.

trudacia's avatar

@tiny, been there, done that. Love men but sometimes it’s just not going to happen.

JackAdams's avatar

No, but my first wife divorced me, because she found out that I was faking my erections, on occasion…

nayeight's avatar

Yes, for all the reasons above. Sometimes you don’t feel comfortable with telling somebody to get off you when they are trying so hard to please you…or themselves.

SuperMouse's avatar

Yes, it was taking entirely too long, I was beginning to fall asleep and I did not want to damage his delicate male ego.

jasonjackson's avatar

As a guy, I’m sure I’ve been with women who’ve faked it. Sometimes I’ve been able to tell, and there have no doubt been other times where the acting was better and I didn’t realize it.

Assuming the reason my partner isn’t going to reach orgasm is something like stress or too having had too much to drink that evening, and not a more fundamental issue, I’d generally rather hear something like “I don’t think it’s going to happen for me tonight, you go ahead” than a faked orgasm.. and if the problem is more fundamental or is part of a pattern, then some gentle suggestions as to how to perform better would be nice.

Emilyy's avatar

@JackAdams I have no idea how in the hell that would work. I mean, I’m not asking for details, but you might be able to make it on some sort of talent show with that little bit of wizardry.

Faking orgasms is stupid for anyone of any gender having sex with anyone of any gender, simply because it leads someone to believe that what they are doing is getting you off, when it’s not.

I think I faked it once in college when I had just had enough, but that was sort of a one-time thing. I’d never want to fake it with someone I were dating or planned to date for a while, because I’d either have to keep faking it forever, and never get off, or eventually say to them, “Yeah, remember how I come every time we have sex? Well, I’ve been lying to you by faking it for ____ years.”

Eeek.

sundayBastard's avatar

only when I masterbate

Knotmyday's avatar

Yes, I’ve done. I was with someone who would get upset and mopey if I didn’t culminate, and who opined once (apropos of nothing) that guys who “took a long time” were probably sleeping around.
THAT in itself was stressful enough; besides, I was working several jobs at the time, and was usually exhausted.
So I did it, and our relationship failed soon after- for various reasons.
I wasn’t proud then, nor am I now.

cyndyh's avatar

I have never faked it and never will. If you don’t do the work you shouldn’t get the credit.

JackAdams's avatar

That gets a GA!

trudacia's avatar

Women who say they have never faked it remind me of women who say they have never masturbated. I find it hard to believe…

cyndyh's avatar

Find it hard to believe all you want. Faking it just doesn’t make any sense.

trudacia's avatar

It makes sense sometimes, for all the reasons mentioned here.

scamp's avatar

I’ve kinda faked it. Never really faked the big O, but I have acted like it was better than it actually was. I didn’t want to act like a picky bitch and what he was doing wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted to encourage him to come back for more. Mess with a man’s sexual ego, and you’re risking being very lonely.

trudacia's avatar

That’s honest scamp.

@cyndyh, Do you always reach orgasm? If not, how do you handle the situation?

cyndyh's avatar

It doesn’t make sense to not get what you want and pretend that you have. If you want sex to be all about him every time and never shared or never about you then that’s a sound course of action. But why would anyone want that? If you’re tired you tell him you’re tired. If you want it to work for you and he’s not getting it then you tell him what would do it for you.

Ha! I just saw your post come in, trudacia. I always get there when I want to and if I lose interest or get tired instead I’ll say so.

scamp's avatar

@cyndyh I’m curious. If the sex was really bad, do you tell him that? Do you really tell a guy that you have lost interest?

poofandmook's avatar

is glad I’m not that man.

JackAdams's avatar

Ladies, if the sex with the guy is that bad, then go ahead and fake a heart attack.

Emilyy's avatar

Following up on what cyndyh said, I think that a lot of the reason why women fake it is this notion that sex ends when a man is finished (in a male-female sex scenario—not sure how it works for sex with someone of the same gender), which is FLAWED.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

I’m with cyndyh. You can doubt all you want but It’s the internet—I have no reason to lie about it!

I’ve never been dishonest about it, and I don’t see any reason to be.

Just because I didn’t come doesn’t mean the sex was bad by any means. Many of the reasons people mentioned for faking aren’t actually reasons to fake (to me) they are just reasons you’re not going to come. (you’re stressed, you’re tired, he’s pushing on you, etc) I’m still going to enjoy it.

For me, if I don’t think I’m going to come I’ll continue to participate until he’s happy, and then if he tries to do something to satisfy me, I’ll just let him know he doesn’t have to. I’m done. I’m happy. I’m tired. Etc. I don’t see any reason to be dishonest.

trudacia's avatar

@jack, we’re talking about sparing your delicate feelings. We don’t want to be rushed to the ER.

JackAdams's avatar

If you fake a heart attack, many dudes will get up and run away.

scamp's avatar

@La_chica_gomela I like the way you worded your response. It makes more sense to me.

cyndyh's avatar

Exactly, La chica gomela.

@scamp: that’s what I’m talking about. There’s no reason to be dishonest. It doesn’t mean the sex is bad.

scamp's avatar

I know it doesn’t mean the sex is bad when you don’t get off, but what do you say when it is bad?

cyndyh's avatar

@JackAdams: Why do I think there’s going to be a joke about a dead hooker in Ben Affleck’s hotel room any minute now? LOL!

scamp's avatar

@ Jack.. many dudes? I only have sex with one at a time, ha ha!!

trudacia's avatar

@jack, that says a lot about “dudes”

cyndyh's avatar

@scamp: Ok, assuming I were in the situation to have bad sex I’d say “this isn’t work for me” and stop things.

Or as Jack would say…

Assassination is always an option. :^>

JackAdams's avatar

@cyndyh: Why would someone who looks like Ben Affleck, have to pay any woman to have sex with him?

tinyfaery's avatar

Ben Affleck would have to pay me for sex. Yuck!

La_chica_gomela's avatar

What would I say if the sex was bad? Well, if I realized it at the time, I would probably try to come up with ways to make it less bad “Hey, let’s try a different position!” “Hey, what if you did this?” “Hey, let’s take a break [and you can get me more excited]

LOL tiny!

JackAdams's avatar

@scamp: Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that you have never had a 2-man threesome

Maybe next year…

cyndyh's avatar

@Jack: It’s a reference to him in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. One of the security codes they used was for “disappearing a dead hooker from Ben Affleck’s trailer”. His answer was that he wasn’t with a hooker “last night”. It was funny, but I guess it was too obscure.

JackAdams's avatar

I’ll rent the movie, watch it, then laugh.

cyndyh's avatar

Yeah, if you do that, stay with it at least through the “Good Will Hunting 2” bit. That’s hilarious. And don’t show it to any kids. It’s not appropriate for most people in fact. But I think you might enjoy it on some level. :^>

JackAdams's avatar

If you recommend it, I’m sure I’ll love it.

You’ve never lied to me, before…

cyndyh's avatar

It is so recommended. :^>

trudacia's avatar

PM people. So off topic.

pplufthesun's avatar

I personally recommend not faking it…

If you fake it too much, he will learn everything wrong and continue to do it incorrectly.

But when he does it right really let him know.

Knotmyday's avatar

Off topic- sorry tru- Jay and SB Strike Back is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. Great rec, great quote. George Carlin’s cameo KILLS me. back to the topic…

RandomMrdan's avatar

I’ve been with a girl who from time to time just wasn’t going to reach an orgasm…and would just tell me to finish up. I was perfectly fine with it, and didn’t mind, sometimes it just isn’t going to happen. I guess it was nice to know that if she was having one, she really was, and wasn’t just faking it, and if she wasn’t she’d just let me know.

And no, I’ve never faked an orgasm…I may have exagerated a few times, but I don’t think that counts.

Bri_L's avatar

I have vocally faked it to help get my wife off, not in an attempt to be evil.

augustlan's avatar

I am one of those women who rarely acheives orgasm through intercourse. When I was younger, I occassionally faked it, but as I grew more comfortable with myself I just let my partner know up front that he shouldn’t be too concerned about it.

Bri_L's avatar

I bet a lot of guys viewed that as a challenge.

El_Cadejo's avatar

How do you make a woman have an orgasm every time?
.
.
.
Who the hell cares ^_^

tinyfaery's avatar

Be another woman, or maybe it’s just me. :)

MissAnthrope's avatar

^^ Haha. Word.

I have never faked an orgasm. Never.. like, it never even crossed my mind. I have, at times, been a bit more enthusiastic than I really felt, but if I’m not going to get there, I’ll just say that. It feels dishonest to me, I dunno.

augustlan's avatar

@BriL: You have no idea! That, at times, grew very tiresome.

Bri_L's avatar

Yeah, but I bet you I….. never mind. hehe

Guys hate to think that. They take it so fricken personally.

cyndyh's avatar

@knotmyday: Yep George Carlin and Carrie Fisher did fun cameos. :^>

Sueanne_Tremendous's avatar

Faking isn’t so bad, if it’s done properly. One of the biggest turn-ons for me is watching my partner Jenn masturbate. Sometimes if I am really in the mood and she isn’t, I’ll ask her to play just-for-a-little-bit (awww…please? jennn?) and tell her to just fake the O if she can’t get there. She is so good at faking that I don’t care that she’s faking! It floats my boat. That said, when I go down on her I can pretty much tell she isn’t faking.

As for me? I’ve faked it with a guy before during intercourse, but I don’t recall ever faking it if someone was going down on me.

poofandmook's avatar

has anyone ever heard of the whisper feature if you’re going to go off-topic? Geez.

My boyfriend has very fragile self-esteem, so when he can’t do it for me, he gets really upset and down on himself. So sometimes, I do fake it… but I’m also really excellent at faking it. Speaking as someone with next-to-no self esteem, I understand the absolute glory of “ignorance is bliss.” You can argue that “honesty is the best policy” all you want, but I don’t care what you say… unless you’ve ever felt so bad about yourself (in any situation, not just this one) that you just wanted to crawl under a rock and die, you have no idea how terrible it is to hear someone basically say “you’re not good enough.” Because no matter how you word it, someone with poor self esteem will absolutely translate it that way in their head, and nothing you say or do is going to change that. Chances are, they’ll also pull it out of the internal file cabinet almost every time they’re in that place again, and it’ll immediately put a damper on their mood.

MissAnthrope's avatar

@poof – I do understand, more than you know (in regards to the low self-esteem, internalizing everything, taking it hard when I thought I didn’t please my partners, etc.). I used to be much more wrapped up in the O when I was younger.. in fact, I only know of one instance when a girlfriend faked it, and that was because I was so tied up in getting her off that I didn’t want to give up when it didn’t look like it was going to happen.

I’ve learned a lot since then, and one of the things is that if someone can’t get off, it happens. It’s not necessarily me, it happens!

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t believe a woman has ever faked it with me. I don’t think they could be bothered. They either told me to get it over with, or we never started in the first place. So if they were tired, stressed, or whatever, we just didn’t do it. Talk about low self esteem. I wouldn’t even ask my wife. I figured it was my problem. Even after some therapy, I still can’t ask her. I just can’t stand the thought of hearing no. And I’m convinced that’s what the answer always would be. I’m sure she finds my body distasteful. She says otherwise, but I don’t really believe her. Basically, I figure a woman’s body is her own, and if she’s interested, she’ll let me know, because I’m interested all the time. I really don’t understand how a man could think a woman owed that to him. But, obviously, I’m not normal. I’ve got the certificate to prove it, too.

scamp's avatar

Aww, daloon {{{{ hugs}}}

La_chica_gomela's avatar

Ok, I’ve had a change of heart. I get it now.

Before I said that I didn’t understand why anyone would fake it, ever. But now I do.

Last night for our anniversary, Tim gave me a toaster oven, and I was…. less than thrilled, we’ll say. Honestly it was a really nice toaster, and I had been meaning to get one, but it just wasn’t the sort of thing I was expecting. I wasn’t mad at him or anything like that. I told him it was great and that I loved him, and I didn’t care about the thing, which I really meant. But I couldn’t hide my face when I first opened it. He already knew how I felt about the gift.

He was so sad about the fact that I didn’t like it that much, that I really really really wish I could have faked “satisfaction” with his gift. I think if someone I cared about got as upset about an orgasm as he did about the toaster oven, I would do anything to avoid it.

poofandmook's avatar

@chica: EXACTLY.

El_Cadejo's avatar

Hmm while I agree with how you put that chica you also have to think, if you faked “satisfaction” with this gift that you really could care less about he would get the idea that, thats what you like. Then you would be seeing more and more of these gifts. Just like in the bedroom your SO could think that one thing really turns you on and gets you off when it doesnt. But they dont know any better so they are doomed to repeat it. Thats why communication is good.

Id rather just be told i was doing it wrong and how to improve than to not be satisfying her over and over while i think im doing the right thing. As far as those cases stated above where “you just cant get off” and its not something you SO is doing wrong or anything its just one of those times. I’ll understand that too just say something, but say it how it is “not your fault or anything just really not in the mood” or whatever, i can handle that. Id much rather that then you faking it, especially if i find out about it, then id really be hurt.But maybe thats just me.

Knotmyday's avatar

Chica- pop a coupla onion/poppyseed bagels in that toaster, philly spread on top, and some good coffee…no faking that satisfaction!!

from Mr. Brightside :^)

girlofscience's avatar

@JackAdams: How were you faking your erections?

Anyway, no, I haven’t really. I’ve never felt like giving men the satisfaction of thinking they’d gotten me off if they hadn’t.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

daloon: big hug

tracypatzold's avatar

nope never faked one

forestGeek's avatar

Seems like if you’re faking an orgasm, you probably have a relationships where you cannot just be honest with each other and talk about things, and there are much bigger problems. Is it really just better to fake, lie and not discuss something in hopes the problem will just magically go away?

poofandmook's avatar

@forest: I’m not talking about a regular occurence. I’m talking about fluke situations.

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