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aeterna's avatar

Is there something wrong with me or am I just lazy/selfish?

Asked by aeterna (66points) September 26th, 2008

Well first off, I’ve always found it weird that I don’t really get turned on by touching or looking at the person I’m sexually involved with. You know, like, men when they look at a girl or touch her breats he immediately get’s turned on. And women when they feel a mans six pack or whatever. The thing that usually only works is them touching me or just randomness. But more importantly, when I’m being sexually intimate with someone, I’m very reluctant to DO anything TO my partner. It just doesn’t seem enjoyable to touch and suck and do sexy things like everyone makes it seem to be.
I don’t want to believe that it’s just cos I’m selfish and lazy but I don’t want to beleive that there is something wrong with me. Is there something I can do to change this about me? Is anyone else like this? Is it because I’m young and inexperienced? Or maybe this is stemming from a psychological issue like I’m afraid to be any dort of dominant in fear of doing the wrong thing? Help.

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10 Answers

deaddolly's avatar

how old are you?

It’s possible you need more motivation, or you could just not have much of a sex drive.

I would try to pleasure yourself more, explore yourself. Relax more. The only way to get experienced is to experience things…lol Let yourself try to let go.

I’m similar, in a way, I consider myself very asexual. Sex doesn’t interest me at all…personally. I like to see sex in a movie, but I dont include it in my personal life. It just doesn’t interest me. Do I think anything wrong with me? No.

But, if it bothers you, try a therapist. You may have something in your past that your unconsiously holding onto.
Do you ever watch Talk Sex with Sue? She’s hysterical and often has great advice.
She’s got a website as well. Check it out.

wundayatta's avatar

I would not label you as having something wrong with you. I hope you don’t think that way. It’s just stuff to learn. Do some reading. Watch the sex shows, or listen to them on radio. Get therapy if it continues to bother you. But it could well be because you are young and inexperienced, and you need to learn what to do, how to do it, and that will bring you more confidence. Open communication with your partner about this stuff is essential!

MissAnthrope's avatar

I mean this in the most sincere manner possible.. but have you considered your sexual orientation? I mean, what you’re describing is what it was like for me trying to be straight and sleeping with men. I totally thought sex was overrated and did not get what the big deal was. Once I slept with a girl for the first time, though.. I totally got it. :)

Aside from that, you may have some issues with physical intimacy. That’s not terribly uncommon and can be brought on due to many factors/experiences in your life over the years. If that’s the case, it will take some work to get over them. A therapist could come in very handy.

richardhenry's avatar

I think AlenaD’s suggestion is worth mulling over. I was thinking exactly the same thing.

deaddolly's avatar

Naw, I disagree. I’m not gay and I’m not interested in sex. With any one or anything.
It’s worth for her to question, but I get the feeling it’s just a lack of confidence and experience.
Think about it…you learn by experience and if you have none, you may be telling yourself you’re doing it wrong, even if that’s where everyone starts.
And, please don’t anyone tell her to watch porn. lol

sundayBastard's avatar

You are more of a receiver than a giver. Start giving more in other ways and eventually it will come out in your sexual behavior as well.

Study the EGO…...It will answer all of your questions in life. All of them

tinyfaery's avatar

If you aren’t interested in pleasing your partner, then why are you having sex with them? Just masturbate.

scamp's avatar

Judging by this question and your previous one, my guess is you have some self esteem issues to deal with. I think it would be a good idea for you to seek some counselling and do a little self discovery before giving your body to anyone else.

Don’t have sex if you aren’t enjoying it. tinyfaery makes a great point. You’re not selfish or lazy, just confused.

cyndyh's avatar

On the nose, scamp. I would have thought differently if I hadn’t seen that link.

scamp's avatar

Thanks cyndyh . I think the asker is hurting and needs some help.

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