General Question

emmy23's avatar

Do long distant relationships work out for the most part?

Asked by emmy23 (256points) October 7th, 2008

Like hypothetically speaking someone lived in the us and the other person lived in canada?

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18 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

Rarely, particularly when both parties are young.

bodyhead's avatar

Yea, it’ll never work. Sorry, I wish I had better news for you.

emmy23's avatar

but there is still a chance, you never know for sure!

bodyhead's avatar

I’d say your chances are less then 1% but… yes, that would still be a chance.

SoapChef's avatar

God, I hope so. My husband is getting ready to leave in a few weeks to take a job 2400 miles away. Due to many factors, I will be staying here for at least two more years. sniff I spend enough time on Fluther as it is!

charybdys's avatar

It depends on the level of the relationship, distance, and for how long. Marriages can definitely survive being long-distance for a while. Other serious relationships can too. But there has to be the possibility/goal of being together. And you have to be pretty serious, I think.

Knotmyday's avatar

From experience, no.

cwilbur's avatar

Relationships are built on face-to-face interaction. Do you know how often you’ll see each other? Do you have a concrete plan for getting together permanently?

If the answer to either of those is “no,” then it’s not a relationship, it’s a fantasy.

emmy23's avatar

—cwilbur—yes we have plans to see each other

Lve's avatar

Well, I am in a long-distance relationship at the moment (US and Europe), and so far it has worked out for me. I never used to believe in long-distance relationships, but sometimes you just meet someone amazing and you can’t help but follow through with it, even though you know it is going to be difficult. I do agree that there should be some sort of plan for being together in the long run, and you should also see each other as much as possible.
But there is hope! And remember that you’d not be the first couple to make it work…

Fieryspoon's avatar

My relationship is working currently, cross country (Oakland to Boston). She’s pursuing a master’s degree at BU, for two years. We video conference every night, and talk on the phone 3 or more times per day. IM is also used very often throughout the day.

It does take a lot of work, though. Most of the time, it’s more convenient to do something closer, like go to the movies with my friends. It sucks to repeatedly decline the invitations of my friends so that I can have that video conference with her, but sacrifices need to be made.

Without the benefit of proximity, it’s a lot easier to let a relationship fall into a state of unimportance, and eventually just let it fall apart. It will take a lot of concessions on both sides to keep the relationship relevant to your lives. Love is not easy, and requires a conscious decision to keep it alive, every day.

You also need plans such that you’ll be living nearby to each other at some point.

Celeste00's avatar

If you guys visit each other often enough (very often) and have a not very long distant goal of living in the same place, it could work til then. No set plans of living in the same place, then I can tell ya, it’s just a matter of time, hun.

nikipedia's avatar

No. Don’t torture yourself.

MacBean's avatar

From experience, yes.

It really depends on the relationship. Most of the time, no, they don’t really work. But sometimes they do. It’s worth a shot.

emmy23's avatar

Thank you all very much for the words of encouragment and hope. I appreciate more than ever because right now I really need the hope that it could work out no matter the distance =D

Knotmyday's avatar

Mac, your answer confuses me. “Yes, they do,” yet “Most of the time, no, they don’t…”

Ideally, they should work, if the adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder” held true in every case.

For the most part (referencing the language of the question ^ ) the answer is “no,” for a variety of reasons- including financial considerations, lack of tactile contact, no common point of geographic reference, and ennui.

Not to be the harbinger of doom, however: Keep on truckin’ by all means. It’ll be a learning experience, if nothing else.

You could always move to Canada, eh.

MacBean's avatar

My answer was that in my personal experience they work. Distance has never been one of the issues that ended a relationship for me. However, I’m in a minority.

chelseababyy's avatar

They work if you let them work. Some people hold grudges because of the distance. My boyfriend and I lived across the country WHEN WE MET, he was in Cali, I’m from Jersey, but I was living in Florida. He also travels for work (longest he’s been gone is a month) and distance was never the big issue, sure I missed him, but I trust him and being with him in the long run means more than distance for the short run.

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