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DetectiveRowdy's avatar

How is the best way to leave a husband without guilt?

Asked by DetectiveRowdy (5points) August 22nd, 2007 from iPhone

this husband is extremely jealous, insecure, and has been unfaithful in the past. What do I Do?

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7 Answers

jrpowell's avatar

You need to do what is best for you. Guilt implies that you did something wrong. You didn't, he did. Don't worry about him. It is time to start putting yourself first.

flameboi's avatar

Just be sincere with him, let him know that there are things that cannot change and that its time to take separate ways so both wont have the chance to hurt each other... That you need another chance to find happiness and that he deserves the same opportunity, as John saida above, put yourself first when you do this.
Good luck, is gonna be hard, but no one said the good decisions are easy to take.

hearkat's avatar

Well, these are very limited details, but I will assume that all we need to know is in your above statement...

I have had 2 long-term relationships (one was a marriage, the other co-habitation) and I ended them both. As johnpowell says, what do you have to feel guilty about? He is an adult, he made a commitment to you and broke it. You did the noble thing and tried to work it out, but he apparently still has issues with insecurity and irresponsibility. Again: he took the same vow you did... he broke it, not you.

My ex-bf and I were together for nearly 7 years and he was also insecure, jealous and irresponsible. I eventually realized that letting him go was actually the right thing to do for him, as well as for my son and I. If I kept bearing the burden of the relationship for the both of us, he was not learning or growing as a person.

You deserve love, not attachment or twisted possessive manipulation. The only thing you should feel guilty about is the disservice you've done to yourself and the time that has passed. But somewhere in there is a lesson that you needed to learn, and it probably hinges on your own sense of self-esteem. What I've learned from my experiences is that while my love may be unconditional, my life isn't. If the depth of my devotion is not reciprocated and no effort is being made by the other party to change it, then theirs is not true love.

Good Luck to you!

Poser's avatar

Johnpowell is right. Your guilt implies that you've done something wrong. Either you have done something wrong, or your guilt is misplaced.

I'm betting that the guilt you're feeling is due to your husband blaming you for the state of the marriage. In my experience, people who are jealous, insecure and unfaithful are good at pawning the guilt off on others.

To answer your question: there is no good way. The best way to leave is to go pack a suitcase right now. Newton's law of inertia states that an object at rest tends to remain at rest unless acted upon by an external force. Right now you are at rest, and there're lots of excuses to remain at rest. It'll take a lot of internal force to get you moving, but once you do, you'll keep moving.

You're going to feel guilt. Accept it. Talk to a shrink. Punch a pillow. Cry. Deal with it.

Just start moving.

jessemangiagli's avatar

The only thing that can be done is honesty. There are no tricks or shortcuts. accept eachother for who each of you are. If you do not want to be with him sit him down and say that it will not work. The short amount of pain is better than living with someone hat you do not want to be with

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