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BoyWonder's avatar

How do I control my temper?

Asked by BoyWonder (806points) November 13th, 2008

I have a history of lashing out at the people I love and it causes serious rifts between myself and those I care about. It’s never physically violent but it’s verbally abusive. Sometimes I’m just so fed up with life that I just wanna scream, but end up screaming at the wrong people. I’m also very sensitive to criticism and tend to take things too seriously. Alot of people claim they can’t make jokes with me because I can’t take em. I automatically go on the defensive and assume that people are out to get me. I know I need help but where do I start?

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12 Answers

ryanfaerman's avatar

You already have.

One thing to try is have a ritual to do when you get angry, by the time you complete it, you’ll be calm.

For example, you could have a special “I am pissed” jacket that you keep in your closet. When you get angry, don’t say anything, just get up and get your jacket. Put it on and if anyone tries to talk to you, just say “this is my angry jacket, I’d advise you not to talk to me while I am wearing it”.

The angry jacket should be something that is the opposite of you. Like a pink and purple polka dot overcoat with fake blue fur. Putting on something that goofy should make you realize how goofy it is to waste your energy on being angry at the wrong people.

jtvoar16's avatar

I too have major anger problems, thankfully for me, I have no friends or family, so I really can’t lash out, unless I am in public, which happens very, very, VERY, rarely. But I LOVE the idea of the jacket, I am going to buy one this weekend, absolutely!
As for what I do? Well, I really don’t do anything, I ether pent it up inside and save it for a different incident, or I lash out and tear up one of those damn “bumper bumpers” in WalMart because I smashed my toe on it and then people look at me strange.
My anger is physical. I have actually gotten so mad at people in traffic, that I have gotten out of my car and punched their, once I actually punched a car while I was driving, the B**** tried to force her way into the lane when she could clearly see that it ended like a mile back. I left a huge dent in her Explorer. If you figure anything out, please let me know. The closer I get to finishing this novel and starting a carrier as a writer, the greater the fear I have I will become Spider Jerusalem from Transmetropoliten, minus the oldness and the drug abuse (at the moment.) I do own the glasses though, and am frequent to wearing them.

charliecompany34's avatar

change your lifestyle. change your thoughts and your ways by renewing your mind. put things that scarred you behind you. change what you eat and what you drink. travel somewhere you’ve never been before to see the fruits of life that you take for granted. or travel somewhere that totally relaxes you and gives you peace and new outlook on life. yes, easier said than done, but change is not easy. never has been. go “through” the process of change and your life will answer…

El_Cadejo's avatar

Waiting for the beat to kick in
“Now I’m sure you’ve had times when you’ve felt down or angry,
Wanted to lash out, punch a wall and be manly,
But the question I pose now will offer you a plan B,
And maybe some peace and quiet for your friends and family,
How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood,
And then just be.. in.. a good mood?
That’s all I have to say because it’s a straight up fact,
You control your emotions it’s as simple as that””

buster's avatar

Use your dose of your avatar and you should mellow out a bit more.

augustlan's avatar

If this is a problem that is interfering in your relationships – and life in general – you should consider therapy. It can be very helpful, and need not last forever. Good luck!

Siren's avatar

Sounds like you just need some good advice for anger management. We all get angry once in a while, sometimes we have periods in our life where situations out of our control arise and the only way to deal with it, unfortunately, is through anger. We can’t deal with the situation at hand, so when something remotely annoying happens, we transfer that anger to that minor situation.

It sounds like you’re not exactly angry at everyone around you as compared to some thing specifically is throwing you off. I liked Charliecompany’s suggestion for change because inadvertently when we change some behavior/activity we are in a position to diagnose what is angering us in the first place.

Anyways, keep working on it and the very fact that you want to change how you feel is the step in the right direction to relief and happiness.

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t know much about anger management. However, I have come to see anger as a tool. I use it if I think it will work, and I don’t use it otherwise. Mostly, I don’t use it.

I think anger is generally an ineffective tool. It just gets other people defensive, so they can’t listen to you. It also makes them want to retaliate. It can get escalated into a physical fight. It turns the situation into a lose-lose situation, so there is dimished chances of getting anything.

I prefer win-win situations. Anger usually doesn’t fit into them.

susanc's avatar

A priest friend of mine told me he counts to ten. I asked him whether that worked when
he was being tortured in jail in South Africa during apartheid. He said no. I said Well, what
kept you focused? He said he counted to a thousand.

enlightenedfool's avatar

Words are quite possibly the most beautiful and ugly tools we have here. Being someone with a semi-quick tongue (at least when I was younger) I’ve found that it often helps to just take a moment and reflect. Think about what is honestly motivating the person to do or say what is annoying you. Is their intention really to cause harm? Can you remember times when you felt differently about them than you feel at this moment? What do you really want or what change do you want made? What would be a more effective way of doing this?

Sometimes it helps to leave as you reflect or, if you are too up to focus, to do something else to take the anger out. Listen to music, take a walk, or, if you’re into it, do some sort of creative activity. Anger can be quite productive.

Best Wishes
~Jen

jtvoar16's avatar

@enlightenedfool
I gave lurve for that! in particular:
“Can you remember times when you felt differently about them than you feel at this moment?”

Sk8rchick1001's avatar

Count to ten and think of your one and only love (at the moment) <3

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