General Question

nebule's avatar

What do you think the outcome would be if i asked my closest friends and family to pick new year's resolutions for me?

Asked by nebule (16446points) December 27th, 2008

Do you think this is a good idea?... I was thinking of asking those that know me best so pick my NYRs for me this year..or at least some of them to add to my own

I would obviously explain that this is a serious experiment and attempt to change my life for the better and that i would want them to consider what would genuinely do me a lot of good. I mean obviously it’s like asking for peoples advice and could be very tricky if I didn’t take it! lol But could give me an insight into where people think I’m going wrong in life…and if i vowed not to feel bad about anything they said but to act on it positively…it might be a good thing?

No? or…Yes?? Is it a good idea… or one to steer clear of? Thoguhts much appreciated :-)

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25 Answers

tinyfaery's avatar

Only if you are prepared for the truth.

cyndyh's avatar

Yeah, I was thinking something similar to tinyfaery here. My first thought was, “Depends. How thick is your skin?”

augustlan's avatar

You could definitely end up with hurt feelings here, but I think it’s worth the risk. I don’t think I’d ask for resolutions though…just areas in which they thought you could improve yourself/your life. Then it wouldn’t seem like you had to follow their suggestions, or at least not all at once.

arnbev959's avatar

If I did this I think I would end up with a lot of suggestions that I would ultimately dismiss. Only you really know what you want to change about yourself. That isn’t to say it would be a waste to ask—it’s always good to hear an outside opinion—but most of the suggestions might be things that you don’t have any desire to change.

nebule's avatar

Thanks all… I was thinking actually that I would get some real insights into my life but in reality I think I might just end up being disappointed with people pointing out things to me that I am already aware of…hmmmm

I think I’ll do it anyway but as a light-hearted exercise and not take it too seriously as augustlan has suggested. My skin isn’t very thick tbh but I think it could even help me get a thicker skin in a way…

I’ll let you know how I get on if anyone’s interested x

Trustinglife's avatar

I think it’s bloody brilliant. I’ve often asked for others’ perspective on my life and always find it interesting. Go for it! And report back.

nebule's avatar

ahhh thanks trustinglife! will do! x

galileogirl's avatar

Have you so little personal insight that you think others know you better than you know yourself? Then here is a suggestion from someone who has no ax to grind. Make it your New Years resolution to work on yourself. to examine your actions, thoughts and speech. Are you doing the right or expedient things every day. Are you taking more than you are giving. Are you thoughtful or thoughtless.

With real self examinaton of your life you are better able to become the person you want to be.

cyndyh's avatar

@galileogirl: That’s an excellent idea for all of us. Thanks.

augustlan's avatar

Good advice galileo, but sometimes it is easier for outsiders to see you as you are. It depends on the person, the outsiders, and the stage of life you are in.

nebule's avatar

@galileo – having read some of your other comments on other questions i do feel you are rather judgemental and a little bit big for your boots if you don’t mind me saying…you obviously don’t need ANYONE to make any judgements on you – you have SO MUCH personal insight.

However in response to you question… I do have a great deal of personal insight…but I am not so up my own ass that i can’t appreciate other people may see things I indeed cannot and I was also trying to do this as an experiment into how other people view me. Doing something different with New Years Resolutions… i thought would be interesting and insightful in ways that you couldn’t possibly imagine until you’ve done it perhaps….

Being someone who is constantly working on myself (thank you for the advice once again…) I am very aware that this rant will probably come across as very defensive…and you would be right in thinking that because actually your criticism is rather cutting and unnecessary and my advice to you would be to save such statements as “Are you thoughtful or thoughtless” for people you know a little deeper.

cyndyh's avatar

lynneblundell, I think you’re reading a tone into that response that didn’t seem to be there to me. Just my take on it.

nebule's avatar

It sounded quite harsh to me…but if that is the case…then I apologise

tinyfaery's avatar

Seemed accusatory and argumentative to me as well.

cyndyh's avatar

Well, maybe it’s me, but it sounded like a good idea. Those are some questions that I think could benefit all of us if we asked ourselves more often. It just struck me as some thoughts on introspection and its value. Cheers!

galileogirl's avatar

lynneblundell: Maybe you should rethink your decision because of your reaction to ideas you don’t like. I am a stranger to you yet what I said caused you to make an effort to find some reason why I might be wrong. Why didn’t you say ‘This woman doesn’t know me’ and move on? Because you are very insecure. If you react this way with someone who has no emotional connection, how are you going to react to ‘judgement’ from someone who matters to you?

BTW judgement is not a 4 letter word. Part of life is learning and gaining experience and using it by making judgements. Passing on that experience and knowledge is a good thing. If you don’t like to hear it, don’t.

cyndyh's avatar

galileogirl: I want to start by saying that I like a lot things you have to say on this site and another site that we both have frequented or do frequent now. I think you offer a lot of great insights when it comes to relationships, personal growth, books, and any number of topics that I love to read about and that I love hearing and reading different views on.

Having said that, I think you do yourself and your point of view a disservice when you say things like “Because you are very insecure”, especially when you say this to someone who is new to the forum and also, I think, a bit younger than either of us. Even if I agreed with everything you had to say on the topic and maybe especially if I did it would bother me that you seem to be undercutting your words, your whole message, with what seems to be a snarkiness or snotty tone. Does that seem to be the right or expedient thing to do here? I don’t think you need to do that to get your point across. It seems to do more harm than good.

I do believe that self assessment is best when it comes to New Year’s resolutions. I believe that lynneblundell sounds like she’d do better to follow your advice and reflect on what she wants her life to be and how best to accomplish that instead of asking others. But I also think you’re not sounding particularly helpful to the asker when you seem to come off like that.

lynneburdell, I hope the best for you whatever you decide to do. Have a happy new year.

galileogirl's avatar

Got it, I am right, but I am wrong because I am so snotty about being right…in the eye of the beholder.

galileogirl's avatar

BTW: I have a fan club???

cyndyh's avatar

Ha! No, not a fan club that I know of. I just think you could make your point in a better way. I was just thinking that if it sounded snarky to me when I already like a lot of the things you have to say then maybe that’s something you’d want to consider. I mean, damn, woman. It’s pretty difficult to offend me. I was sitting here defending your point and then you go and say something like “Because you are very insecureā€. I mean, sheesh! You lost me now, too, with that one. Be nice to the young lady already. LOL!

Happy New Year!
Cyndy

Jeruba's avatar

I think it’s a wonderful idea as long as you start out a bit gently and perhaps ask just a few people each to choose one resolution for you. No matter how introspective and committed to self-improvement you are, it can be a nasty jolt to discover that those who love you best all see the same gaping flaw, especially if it’s one you thought hardly showed. It seems to me that you will improve your chances of success with this excellent plan if you avoid excess.

Trustinglife's avatar

Update? Did you do it? What did you hear? How was it?

nebule's avatar

I have and no-one has given me a reply yet….I must be perfect :) hee hee

nebule's avatar

actually my sister….(I’m at her house at the moment since my computer has died on me ,hence my silence in the last few days) has just told me she has thought of something…maybe not that perfect :-)

She says “Have more fun!” which an “Absolutely Fabulous” quote and she actually believes that because i am so bloody deep that i should have more fun… see the lighter side of life and be intense about having fun…instead.

I’ve told her to go back to the drawing board and think of something a little more….indepth !

Trustinglife's avatar

That’s great! I told my brother the same thing when he asked a similar question during his December birthday dinner. Hope you’re having fun here!

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