First off, I would take it home and not touch it for a few days (well, maybe I’d play with it, get naked and roll around in it, but I mean I wouldn’t spend it). I’d keep an eye on all the local media for about a week to make sure I didn’t hear any stories about some little old lady losing her life savings in s cracker box. Assuming I did not (and I think it’s a pretty safe bet that I would not), I’d definitely keep it and pay off some bills with some, spend the rest.
Here’s the thing, you see that much money just lying around, I’d be wiling to bet my left nut someone was up to no good. I’m going to say there’s even a good possibility that this was a money drop and what’s going to happen is one dirtbag criminal is going to go to pick it up and think the other dirtbag criminal who actually dropped the money off was trying to pull a fast one, and bam, one less criminal running drugs, one more taking a concrete nap. No big loss. But just in case, I’d hold off for a week.
And I’ll tell you another thing that I’ve learned, when you return found money, people are NEVER grateful or even gracious in this day and age. Lemme tell you a story, it’s New Year’s Day, 1998. I got a newspaper that morning and there was a deal where if I bought 10 frozen entrees (that I was eating at the time anyway), and send in the receipt and the UPCs, and sent them in, if mine was one of the first 98 envelopes received, they’d send me a check for $98 (alas I never got a check). I had that in the mail within an hour, then I was walking through a parking lot and saw a check made out to a person, for $98. The 98s were getting weird. The thing about this check is, it was endorsed in blank, meaning the payee had signed it on the back, with no “for deposit only”: or “pay to the order of” or anything like that on it. I know as an accountant, that a check like this is (or at the time was…probably has changed since 9/11 and the PATRIOT ACT), just like cash, I could have cashed it, deposited it, whatever and kept the money. But it WASN’T mine. So, I had no idea how to contact the person the check was made to, but I did call the person who wrote the check.
When I called them and told them what happened, and said, I was just looking for the phone number of the person so I could arrange to get the check to them, they gave me attitude, and basically said they’d take MY information, and they’d call that person and then get back to ME. So, I had to wait around for a call back, and finally the person who the check was written to called me and told me where I was to mail the check…no offer to get it, no thank you of any kind. I mailed it, never got a call or a letter or anything to even thank me. Mostly they just acted like they didn’t trust me and had to make sure I was on the up and and up, when what had happened was they had dropped the check on the way to the bank to deposit it.
So, the next time I found money, I kept it, and never looked back. I was at a Menard’s, and I went into this model unit of a sauna (not hooked up or anything). I dunno, just killing time, and I saw this little cubby hole with a slide door. I just peeked inside and found $142 in cash. I talked to my wife, who is the most honest person I know, and she has often said she would never do x, y or z, because “if it’s not mine, it’s not mine.” But she immediately said we should keep it, because that was not an innocent act, first of all…one of two thing was going on, either someone was using that cubby hole to exchange drugs for cash, or an employee was embezzling and hiding the money there until he/she was sure he/she’d gotten away with it. We both figured, fuck whoever did this, it serves them right. Second of all, if we contacted someone at the store, it’s less likely for us to find an honest employee who wouldn’t keep the money himself than it would be to find a person who would find the rightful owner (not that this would even happen anyway) .
And the cops, I’m sorry but I don’t trust them based on my interactions with them in my area. One time my apartment was robbed…the cops pretty much did nothing and said they weren’t taking fingerprints or anything because, “maybe if they were Columbo” they could do something. These ideiots would keep the money for themselves.
So yeah, if there’s a hell, maybe I’ll go there, maybe I’ll be judged harshly, but I find when something like THAT happens, you’re only gonna get screwed doing the right thing. I think of it as all balancing out, plenty of bad shit happens…hey I just had to plunk down over $5k for a new furnace…less than a year ago I had to plunk down $5k for a new transmissions…shit happens and really good fortunate things happen…if you just bend over and take it when the shit happens to you, then piss all over your good fortune when good things happen, then you’re a friggin’ fool.
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