General Question

swingliner's avatar

I don't dance...am I a bad person?

Asked by swingliner (245points) March 24th, 2009

I refuse to dance. It’s not that I’m terrible at it – I can blend in fine on the dance floor. But never in my life have I eve had fun doing it. If I am drunk, I feel very uncomfortable dancing, and if I am sober I feel extremely uncomfortable dancing. Overall, dancing just makes me feel extremely anxious and unhappy.

Lately, as a result, I have just been opting out of all dancing related activities instead of trying to fool myself into thinking I’m having fun. This seems to be a buzzkill for most of my friends/people I happen to be with. Whether at the bar, club, or party, once someone says “lets all go dance!” and I politely decline, everyone seems to be come somewhat suspicious of me, the cynical guy who dares to challenge their idea of fun by retreating to the couch or the bar.

My questions are:
1. Does this make me some kind of asshole? Am I really expected to suck it up and dance? People usually tell me if I keep dancing I’ll eventually start having fun but this never happens.

2. What can I tell people to help them understand that I just don’t like to dance, without being some sort of party-pooper? It seems like the more I try to explain that I don’t dance, the more they try to drag me on to the dance floor.

What to do?

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20 Answers

ninjacolin's avatar

First of all YES. And now I’ll read the rest of your post.

i see your problem. everyone just wants everyone to have a good time. the best thing to do is probably to explain to people in advance (like when you’re NOT clubbing) just how much you hate dancing.

the next thing you’ll want to do is see a priest about an exorcism. If that doesn’t work, i guess you could try figuring out what about dancing you really really hate. is it the anxiety? the pressure? do the moves just not come naturally? does the music really suck where your friends go? what is it exactly.

do you ever dance alone at home? chair dancing and the like? what kind of music forces you up to dance? (lol, i’m already trying to convert you)

EmpressPixie's avatar

your friends don’t dance, and if they don’t dance then they’re no friends of mine

Um, no. I don’t really dance. Of course, I also don’t really put myself in social situations that ask for dancing. Which is to say, I don’t go clubbing. The one time I did, however, I stood around a bit, then sat on the bleachers with another non-dancing friend. They tried to get us to dance, but we would not be swayed! And when people got tired or whatever, they’d hang with us until they wanted to dance again. So my advice, is to find another non-dance-y friend to hang out with at these things.

Staalesen's avatar

I never dance, I abhorr it, and I feel like a tractor in a closet when trying… So I dont go clubbing, but that is not a issue since I am more of a Bar person

jonsblond's avatar

I’m the same way. I can’t stand dancing. I would rather throw darts or play pool. There is no need to suck it up just to please your friends. If they are really your friend, they should support your decision and not give you a hard time about it. @EmpressPixie has a great suggestion, there must be someone that feels the same as you.

Jiminez's avatar

Dancing is actually a hilarious practice if you think about it. I don’t know why people do it. I’ll reserve judgment on what I think about them. Let’s just say that people who like to dance are likely just compensating for their lack of nimbleness upstairs. What’s there to be so happy about? The world is shit, and they’re a big reason why.

qashqai's avatar

“If I am drunk, I feel very uncomfortable dancing, and if I am sober I feel extremely uncomfortable dancing.”

Just get extremely drunk, simple as that.

elijah's avatar

I love to dance, so from your friends point of view maybe they feel like they are abandoning you by leaving you at the bar while they dance. I would never force my friends to dance, but I do feel responsible for whomever I came out with. I wouldn’t leave a friend alone while I danced. I do get a little miffed because I don’t like standing around, and I don’t understand why they want to be so uptight. Now I guess that means I’m not being very understanding, but most people that won’t dance are just afraid to try. I’m glad you at least gave it a shot. Like @EmpressPixie said, being another non dancing friend along.

ubersiren's avatar

Devil!!!! Just kidding.

Tell your friends that you won’t go to clubs anymore if they continue to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do.

If a girl asks you to dance, tell her you really don’t like to dance, but you’d love to buy her a drink instead.

jonsblond's avatar

@elijahsuicide I agree that some people don’t dance because they are afraid to try. Maybe they are just really shy. That was me at first (in high school). Then I gave it a try and actually enjoyed it for a while. As I got older, my interests changed. I just don’t enjoy dancing any longer. I would rather throw darts or play pool, like I said above. I think that it’s just a matter of interest. Some like to dance, some would rather do something else. Just because they don’t like to dance, doesn’t mean they are uptight.

elijah's avatar

@jonsblond yeah that’s what I said (or was trying to). Most people are too uptight to try, of the ones who do try and still dont like it, they honestly don’t like it.
Also I’m talking about dance clubs, where there are no pool tables or darts.

jonsblond's avatar

@elijahsuicide I feel so old! I haven’t been to a dance club in years. In the past I have been to many clubs that did have pool tables. Maybe more clubs should have them, then the non-dancers would have something to do while their friends are dancing.

Jack_Haas's avatar

I think dancing belongs to the strip club and that’s it. If no pole or lap dance is involved then I don’t get the point.

funkdaddy's avatar

I’m in the same boat, I just don’t dig on dancing… you can only do the robot or sprinkler so many times people ;) Don’t let it ruin your night and don’t let it tighten you up, most people just want you to have fun while you’re out. If you’re sitting on the sidelines looking lonely, they’ll keep inviting you. If you’re having your own party, they’ll join you.

I usually let people know there are two things to do at the club, and I thoroughly enjoy the other one, so I’ll be at the bar. Would you like anything?

Jack_Haas's avatar

I discovered nightclubs in the 80s, when a guy was supposed to sit at the bar or in a booth, drink, and shake his head just slightly so I suppose that has something to do with it.

Dr_C's avatar

Yes… yes you are… but note because of the dancing.

I kid I kid… not being much of a sober dance myself i can totally relate… and can tell you most people won’t take offense or call you an asshole… if you don’t like to dance that’s your business….

Drunk however i own the floor.

marinelife's avatar

I don’t see how choosing not to dance has any reflection on you as a person.

cak's avatar

Asshole? No. Just someone that doesn’t like to dance. My husband is the same way. He dances with me 2 guaranteed times a year, possibly a third. Anniversary, birthday and possibly Christmas or New Year’s. That’s it. That’s the extent of our dancing. At first, i thought it was because he couldn’t dance. Not true, he can dance, he just doesn’t like to dance.

Lucky for him, we’re past the clubbing days and even when we did go, I hated dancing in huge crowds.

Like @Empress Pixie said, just make sure you have at least one non-dancing friend with you. If someone makes a big deal about it, blow it off. It’s not a big deal, really. It’s just not your thing.

nebule's avatar

I used to dance as a kid and then stopped for a very long time because I’m overweight and believed that fat people shouldn’t dance.
I’ve started dancing again, even though it’s just in my living room…it connects me with my soul and who i really am. Perhaps you don’t need to connect, perhaps its just not your way of connection even if you do…but sure as hell feels good….

I do find it hard to believe that it just doesn’t make you feel great though…maybe you haven’t found the dance that suits you yet??? i dunno

marinelife's avatar

Here’s your new theme song. It worked for Frank.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

Yes, and so am I. The only time I’ll dance is in a big box store that plays overhead music, as I’ll dance like a loon in the aisle just to make my wife laugh. And if anyone else sees me, I feel very anxious.

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