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jessicar's avatar

Do you think it is possible to be in a relationship with someone without love?

Asked by jessicar (225points) April 12th, 2009

I’ve heard people tell me that they didn’t love the person they were with but that it developed years later. Personally I could not be with someone if I didn’t feel some sort of love for them. What’s your thoughts?

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27 Answers

Ivan's avatar

Technically you are in a relationship with everyone you know. That relationship is simply different for each person. I am not trying to make some snarky semantics response here; my point is that even if there is no love, you can still have a strong relationship with someone. I imagine you have strong relationships with several people who you wouldn’t say you loved.

flameboi's avatar

sure, you can, if it’s a wonderful person you don’t really need to love that person, if something will come up later, that’s not sure, but at least you will have great company…

jessicar's avatar

I guess I was talking more about a boyfriend girlfriend realtionship than just a friendly one

VzzBzz's avatar

I’ve heard plenty of family stories of arranged marriages but I can’t imagine entering into a relationship without being in love. Once in a relationship though, I have been party to seeing my love change into the kind that won’t keep a couple together for very long.

Lothloriengaladriel's avatar

I don’t think I’ve ever entered a relationship already knowing I loved or was in love, I think you have a strong connection and lust at first but honestly in my opinion; loving and being in love comes in time

srmorgan's avatar

Love does not occur within minutes of meeting someone, nor does it occur on the first date, or the second or the fourth or even the twelfth. That is infatuation.

Love evolves, love grows, love has highs and lows.

I dated women (and this was 30 years ago) that I knew I was not in love with and that I knew I would not love. But courtship is a series of trial and error and affection and fondness can occur and continue even if love does not happen.

If you date someone for a year and find that the relationship is not growing to where you want it to be or expected it to be, it ends. Love does not occur, but the relationship can be “loving’ and affectionate for a long period of time.

I have mentioned before on Fluther that I still love the woman I dated before I met my wife, but we were not meant to be together, daily life would not have worked out. And when we correspond every letter starts “Querida” as they did in 1977. I loved her and still do.


hug_of_war's avatar

No matter how fast or slowly I fell in love, I didn’t love them when we first started dating. I really, really liked them but it had to develop.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

I’d never go into a relationship hoping that it’s going to be more than it is if the feelings aren’t there. Waiting for it to develop years later? Not this kid! It’s either there or it isn’t.

@flameboi, yes you DO need to love that person if you’re going to have any kind of a serious relationship. I would NEVER live that way. That attraction has to be there at the onset. Anything else, you’re settling for 2nd best.

jessicar's avatar

@jbfletcherfan, Finally you understand what I was trying to say I guess maybe I worded it wrong. I’m saying you have no love, like, or lust for this person but that you stay with them it hopes that it changes down the road to benefit the other. This is what I’m sayin I couldnt do.

_bob's avatar

You mean, other than hate relationships?

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@jessicar Oh, yes, I agree. And I didn’t mean that I fell madly in live with my husband the night I met him. But it didn’t take long for us to know we were attracted to each other in many ways. I’m not about to stay with someone & hang around to find out if I MAY love him somewhere down the road.

Bluefreedom's avatar

Yes, I believe it is entirely possible. Even though a platonic relationship is one that is free of sensual desire, you could also loosely interpret it to mean one without love also.

rooeytoo's avatar

I personally think that once you get past the breathless, I can’t live without you or keep my hands off you kind of love, respect is a more important element of a long term relationship. But I also think it is virtually impossible to respect without feeling some sort of love or admiration or affection as well, they all seem to go hand in hand.

Ivan's avatar


Right, but what exactly is the difference between a “normal” relationship and a friendly one if there is no love?

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@rooeytoo Good thoughts. I agree.

jessicar's avatar

@Ivan I think in a friendly relationship you dont need to love the person but in a serious relationship with a SO that there needs to be love in order for that relationship to stand the test of time. I dont know if that answered your question or not.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I think a lot of people are in what they’d consider monogamous romantic relationships without love and the reasons are numerous: family pressure or they think they have to ‘do it for the kids’, inability to be financially independent (a case for many unhappy women as they tend to depend on men more, economically, in our society…seems to me, many think this is somehow okay), inability to imagine life changing even if it needs to…

ru2bz46's avatar

Not for long. Women I dated before marriage, I liked a lot, but the lack of love caused the relationships to end. Both of the women I married, I loved before we ever dated. I still love them both.

aviona's avatar

I, personally, think that loving someone and being in love are two different things. I’ve built relationships around both. Obviously the ones where we were in love were better, stronger, more passionate ones.
But with no love whatsoever? That would be pretty tough, at least for me.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

With me it’s always been the opposite from what you described. I might like them a lot and love them in the beginning, but over time, we would disagree and grow apart, so that toward the end of the relationship, we didn’t love each other any more, but it took us a while to figure it out before we broke, up, so in that case, I think the answer to the question is yes, but I’m not sure if that’s the kind of situation that you had in mind in asking the question.

Mr_M's avatar

Do you know how many people spend their entire married lives not loving the spouse? It’s more common then you think.

Jack_Haas's avatar

It seems to me that love-based relationships are mostly a recent occidental concept. Look at the rest of the world, marriages are mostly a financial a social arrangement between families rather than individuals.

funky_princess's avatar

It is possible, you dont love some-one when your just dating them do you, the love grows as you get to know them!
Sometimes it takes a few years, sometimes only a few weeks or even days!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

marriage was never for love
but there was always love

Horus515's avatar


I completely agree with that.

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