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Horus515's avatar

Should I act against this?

Asked by Horus515 (764points) May 9th, 2009

I am in a situation where I am being lied to on a constant basis by someone who has a huge signifigance in my life. While I don’t want to take it to any other level because I care about this person I feel I am being pushed aside and disrespected. There is alot I could do to really turn the situation upside down. I didn’t get where I am in life by being dumb, but this person seems to think I am stupid. My question is, should I be offensive, or should I continue to just take it, since that is the obvious easier way to go? Should I let this kinda thing go, or show them precisely what they are dealing with?

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13 Answers

Jeruba's avatar

You’re asking for advice of a personal nature, @Horus515, and there is usually plenty to be had. But you are too vague about the particulars to get much in the way of a useful response. It would make a huge difference if this person who is (a) constantly lying to you, (b) pushing you aside, (c) disrespecting you, and (d) treating you as stupid is (1) your lover, (2) your mother, (3) your fitness coach, or (4) your boss. We need to know the nature of the relationship and something about the evidence for your assertions.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Ask yourself what you stand to lose versus what have you gain from this association. Your action is whatever ensures your desired result.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

If you have a personal relationship with this person, I say talk to them about it. Don’t be defensive, just let them know that you’re aware of what they’re doing and that it hurts that they think so little of you that they 1) lie to you in the first place and 2) think you’re so naive you don’t know they’re doing it.

If this is a personal relationship, I do not suggest continuing to take it. If you do, you’ll set yourself up for a negative pattern which will just repeat itself throughout the rest of your life, in all of your personal relationships.

What it boils down to is what you think you deserve in relationships.

madcapper's avatar

Be a dick. Fuck people that take you for granted. Harm them. Start wars. Haha kidding. But ( not a correct way to start a sentence ) tell this person go away. Sounds like a bitch to me…

jackfright's avatar

@hungryhungryhortence is right. you’re going to have to first specify the context and define the association. if it’s someone in a superior position (or dependent upon), you may want to play along regardless of how intelligent you are because it is the most beneficial and practical thing to do, and you stand more to lose through confrontation.

however, if it’s not someone in a position you are dependent on, you may (and probably should) tell him/her to go fuck him/herself.

if that said person is dependent on you, that’s even better. you’re in the position to fuck them over with little repercussion.

Dog's avatar

Do you thing you are preserving the relationship by accepting these lies unchallenged?

Your tactic of silence will only increase the unacceptable behavior.

Judging by your frustration in your question the relationship is deteriorating quickly.

I reccomend that you calmly and rationally discuss the situation with this person.

Perhaps you could ask why they feel they must be less than forthright with you.

Since you give no details it is hard to advise you on a good non-confrontational approach.

dynamicduo's avatar

My answer changes completely depending on who this person is who is deceiving you. Your child, your wife, your boss, etc, all have different significances and different responses. I will give you my answer if you choose to clarify this issue.

Supacase's avatar

There is a lot of room between being offensive and just taking what they dole out. I don’t know what to suggest since I don’t know what role this person plays in your life.

reverie's avatar

I’d say it doesn’t matter at all who the person is. You should act in a way that’s right by yourself, first and foremost. Who you are doesn’t, or shouldn’t, change, depending on who you are interacting with.

If you are genuine and honest, at least you are accountable to yourself. I’ve found that by acting in this self-accepting way, and by putting confidence in my own feelings and intuitions, the strength I’ve felt has been more than enough to get me through any difficulties that may arise.

Jeruba's avatar

The person’s role in your life does make a difference. Is it someone you are bound to for life by blood? Is it someone on whom you depend for your livelihood? Is it someone to whom you have pledged yourself in a committed relationship? Is it someone you are responsible for? The nature of the relationship must be a factor in what you do. Just for one example: can you walk away or not? If the person is a dependent child or an ailing, aged parent, that’s very different from someone who is teaching you to play the piano.

maybe_KB's avatar

You’re the bigger person…Stay that way.

or maybe
Do you just not care?
Or are you just thick skinned?

Thebigbaboo's avatar

Walk away.
Avoid people who are careless with your feelings. it’s a simple rule but will keep you happy and sane.

if you stay, your a sheep.

Dog's avatar

@Thebigbaboo Welcome to Fluther.

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