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helloyesido's avatar

Do you ever feel ashamed when meeting someone "better" than you?

Asked by helloyesido (4points) July 1st, 2009

I’ve been taking a summer class at the local community college. There’s a girl there, another student in my class, whom I’m attracted to. The thing is, I found out the other day that she came from a private, very exclusive high school in the area, isn’t even a freshman yet (just taking the class to get ahead) whereas I’m already a junior at a mediocre state university, and… she’s going to Georgetown Uni in the fall (private, prestigious, and clear across the country).

Needless to say, ever since I found out, I’ve been feeling inadequate. Just… ashamed and very intimidated. I could laugh at myself (in fact, I’ve already done so several times) for even thinking I’d have a chance with this girl.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? At first I was kind of angry at her… because, I don’t know, I wanted her to be on my level (stupid, stupid reason) but now I’m just feeling bad for myself.

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21 Answers

CMaz's avatar

Nope, because I am as unique as they are. Their special talents do not make them better then me. Makes them unique in their own way.

She is on your level as you are on hers. Leave the insecurity at the door, and be yourself. Because that will decide if you both will connect. Be happy of her good fortune, I hope she would be happy for you. Just do it with confidence, do not kiss up or patronize. Be strong, and be yourself. Needed to say that again.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

In the first place, she’s NOT better than you are. That’s all in your head. So what if she has more money & more opportunities than you have had? That doesn’t make her ‘better’. People are people. We’re all equals. My dad told me something when I was little that I’ve never forgotten. I’m no better than anyone else, but no one else is any better than I am, either.

eponymoushipster's avatar

wait – there’re people better than me? surely you jest

FutureMemory's avatar

Dude, listen to jbfletcherfan.

Les's avatar

I sort of know what you mean, but really, as said above, she isn’t better than you. I had a similar situation a few years ago when I was dating my last boyfriend. He would constantly put himself down when we would get together at the library or coffee shop to work on our own homework assignments because most of my work was math related (I majored in meteorology. Tons of math.) and he was in sociology. It drove me crazy because as far as I was concerned, working on math didn’t make me smarter than him, I just liked it and I had to. There was no way I’d succeed at sociaology because I can’t wrap my head around that type of stuff.

What I’m trying to say is is that all this stuff is relative. Just because she’s going to Georgetown doesn’t mean she’s any smarter or better than you. For example: I had a friend who got a free ride to Harvard because her dad was a cop. She wasn’t any smarter than myself, but had slightly better circumstances. It isn’t fair to put yourself down because you assume she won’t give you the time of day. Give it a try, she may be just as interested in you as you are in her.

Grisaille's avatar

Uncle Andy would put it this way:

“There isn’t a place in this world that you do not belong in, or that is tailor made for people ‘better’ than you, as that is subjective. Don’t ever feel uncomfortable with yourself. Ever.”

Grandpa would put it this way:

“What? Ain’t no goddamn amount of intelligent in this world that can stop a bullet. We all bleed red; we all die.”

susanc's avatar

People are interested in people who aren’t just like themselves. Ask her what got her interested and then listen. There’s something she likes about the way you are. This process is called “flirting”, I think.

I married a motorcycle mechanic who never finished high school and had 2 years of community college. I’d gone to an Ivy League school, lived on Park Avenue with my parents, and had an MA in psychology. Were we happy? Mostly. Were we bored? No. We had so much to talk about, so many things to do.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

The problem with “better” is it’s subjectivity.
What makes a person “better” than another?

peyton_farquhar's avatar

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

casheroo's avatar

I don’t feel people are better than me. Some people are given different opportunities, and that seems to be the case with that girl (the private school) For me, I’m at a different phase in my life than most people my age, so there’s no comparison.

marinelife's avatar

Weird way to measure people (including yourself)—by the opportunities they have had in life.

I am afraid you need to look at your own self-esteem and also your values.

A better person to me is not one who has more things and money or one who has, through no virtue of their own, had every advantage in life.

It is someone who is kind to others, makes time to give back to their world and their community, offers a ready smile, works hard to meet life’s challenges, and is at peace with themselves.

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

lol Self-Help Garble aside, I know when someone’s way out of my league. Doesn’t really depress me too much, just look at it as a challenge.

evolverevolve's avatar

Yea I know what you mean, I have to work with someone that just got out of Princeton and I too went to a mediocre state university, but I realized that she’s not all that special. Just do what you do, shed the would-be’s, and say fuck ‘em.

tinyfaery's avatar

Out of your league? That’s your opinion, not hers. If I’d have passed up my chances of dating someone better, I’d have missed out on a lot.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Intimidated, sure but not ashamed. You don’t have to be someone’s equal in every facet in order to be of value or interest to them but feeling the differences is normal. Let it ride and see what may happen. It’s a stunted person who will dismiss you because you aren’t all they think they are (and you should be) in their own imaginations.

wundayatta's avatar

I never really felt like I wasn’t someone’s equal. I just felt like they thought I wasn’t their equal.

Hambayuti's avatar

I’m with @peyton_farguhar. Try talking with her. She might turn out to be real nice. But if she feels she’s “better” than you, then maybe she’s just not worth it.

cak's avatar

She’s not better than you, just different. That’s all!

I never feel ashamed when meeting people that are different than me. I feel it is someone else that I have an opportunity to learn from, I see it as another path in life.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

absolutely. even when i’m feeling particularly fond of myself, i tend to doubt myself in social situations. not just because of money/class differences, but just in general. i often feel completely inadequate whenever i start to take special interest in someone, and i guess that’s what screws me over. ehhh.

MissOdaliz's avatar


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