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yziabites's avatar

What's the best way to tell your mom that you are in a big, BIG trouble without her, if possible, not getting angry?

Asked by yziabites (104points) July 5th, 2009

my parents went away for business so I was left with the responsibility of taking care of my brother and making life as normal possible for him even though mom and dad are not around. the problem is, i failed a subject and now because of that failure, i became an irregular student meaning i was only allowed to take up the minor subjects MEANING instead of graduating in 2011, now they have to waste money on me for another added year. education is like really a big deal in our family and they have expectations for me. mom’s coming back from their trip. any tips on how do i tell without her possibly taking me out of the family tree? lol

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23 Answers

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

Honesty is the best policy, and if that doesn’t work, then nothing anyone on here can do for you is going to be much good.

A wise man once told me, “Always tell the truth, that way, there is no story to have to always remember.”

basp's avatar

Be honest. Have a plan so she knows you have thought of the consequences and how to deal with them.

You might be surprised….....moms sometimes understand more than you think.

TabernakAttack's avatar

You’re the one who has to go back for another year and you’re worried about them being mad at you? Geez. And if it’s just one subject, can’t you just do a make-up course in summer school? (Assuming you’re in high school)?

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

It’s not the end of the world. I don’t know yours but many parents are understanding.

Try not to dwell on it and move ahead as best you can.

Lovey_Howell's avatar

Tell her you’re pregnant and then say, no I’m not, but actually…then tell her the truth.

cookieman's avatar

I agree with with the advice on honesty above.

Remember, no one ever succeeded without failing at first.

Best of luck.

Jeruba's avatar

You can’t guarantee that no one will be angry. That might be a consequence you have to deal with. But the main thing is to get the truth across. And learning to deal with the consequences of your actions is a valuable lesson in itself, one that might be worth more than having passed the course.

Soon enough this will all be behind you. Be brave and just do what you have to do. That’s a far better choice than any other.

I think you already know this.

JLeslie's avatar

As children (I use children meaning children of our parents, not regarding age) we don’t want to dissapoint our parents. Sometimes we think our parents will be angry when we do something that falls below their expectations, but typically they have set out expectations for you because they love you and want to see you succeed. Parents anger is really their fear many times that you might be hurting yourself. From your original statement I think your parents will be understanding and supportive, even though they may display some frustration. Maybe you could get a part time job to help pay for part of the extra term so you will not feel as bad about the money you have cost them?

Hambayuti's avatar

I don’t think it would be possible to stop your mom from getting angry at first. Anger, after all, is an impulsive reaction. But I’m sure that she will not stay angry for long once you have explained your side of the story (make sure it’s a good one. =P hehe. kidding…)

I think she’d be more upset if you didn’t tell her.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

You’re just going to have to let them blow, and get it over with. Some of their anger may be with themselves for being gone so long, and not entirely with you.

I would suggest that you start by telling them how much you missed them, and how difficult it was for you to manage school and home, and that you have new appreciation for how hard it is to be a parent, because you realize you have to make compromises. And that for you, the compromise was not being able to devote the attention you needed to a subject that was harder than you thought because of your responsibility to your brother.

Hang in there. Parents are only angry for awhile, and then it passes. You are the one that is going to have to redo a whole year of school, not them.

Icky's avatar

the damage has already been done. just tell her.

loser's avatar

Just be honest. “Mom, I made a big mistake and I need to talk with you about it.” She may react so give her space to have her feelings and try not to react to her reaction. Be open to discussing solutions and try to stay on track. Good luck!

Jeruba's avatar

Loser is right. The more maturely you handle it and the more you can show you’ve learned from this experience, the better her reaction is likely to be and the more beneficial the outcome for you. Most people are disarmed and inclined to be sympathetic when you say “I know I really blew it” because it’s happened to everyone.

dalepetrie's avatar

And if you approach it saying that you “need help”, reach out, she may approach it as more of a problem to solve, than as a misdeed to punish.

augustlan's avatar

You have received a lot of great advice here. Honest and humble is the way to go.

As a parent myself, I might be more upset that you didn’t reach out for help before you failed the class and it was too late to correct your course. That, too, is an important lesson to learn. Ignoring the situation never makes it better! In the long run though, your parents love you and realize that we are all human. We all make mistakes. Everything will be ok.

Keep us posted, ok?

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

high tail it to mexico?

she’s going to find out, she’s probably going to be mad at first, but I think a key is to, after telling her the truth, let her know how you feel about it, a mother will always love you, I’m sure once she understands that it’s just as hard on you as it will be on her, she’ll settle down.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

be honest, because if she’s gonna find out eventually, it should be from you, not from, well. anyone else.

also, my teacher once said “the lamp was accidentally broken by the ball i threw” is better than “i threw the ball and broke the lamp.” i’m not sure how this applies, but good luck.

just remember that people always screw up, and you’re not perfect – and neither is your mom. she has the right to be upset with you, but remember that failing a class doesn’t mean you’re a failure. you can redeem yourself, and you’ve still got a chance plenty of chances. tell her simply, let it sink in, let her get angry, let it pass. work harder this upcoming time.

JLeslie's avatar

@augustlan I think Augustlans point is a really important one.

Darwin's avatar

Honesty really is the best policy, but a lot of the outcome depends upon presentation. Approach your mom maturely and calmly, pick a time when she is not stressed by something else, and tell her what happened but also how you plan to take care of things. This includes showing that you understand why you failed a course and what you plan to do to prevent it from happening ever again.

Your mom will definitely be disappointed in you and may be angry for a while, but I doubt she will pluck you off your branch of the family tree and toss you away.

OTOH, if you don’t tell her, she will not only be disappointed about your grade, but also disappointed about your level of maturity and possibly unable to trust you to make good decisions for a long time.

Good luck!

Judi's avatar

I have learned that when someone is angry it helps to just acknowledge their feelings. “I know you’re angry.” I have disappointed you, haven’t I?” “I have caused a financial stress in the family, I know.
Don’t use these statements preemptively, wait until you SEE the emotion and just affirm it. It is difficult to stay mad at someone who is agreeing with you.

snowberry's avatar

Did you beg for your folks to leave and give you the chance to play mom and dad to your little brother while you continued on in school? Or is it possible that your parents made a mistake by leaving you to handle your education and your brother at the same time?

If the second is true, and she gets mad, perhaps she’s in denial about reality.

BlazeDude44's avatar

Just tell the truth and explain that you worked really hard (if you did). Then, if she seems like she is about to get REALLY angry, give her a big hug and say, I’m sorry. I’ll try harder next time.” Trust me this usually helps me. Oh, and it can help if you tell her right when you’re about to leave for somewhere. That way she doesn’t have long to be mad. Hahahaha.

BlazeDude44's avatar

And also, don’t make up excuses. Parents hate that and then will rage on longer about how you always come up with excuses. (im not saying you do)

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