How do I deal with this new girl?

Just play it cool.
Being anxious is serious girl repellent.

Every human on earth has issues. You are wise to restrain yourself from being overintrusive – people find that smothering, regardless of your intentions.

I think you are on the right trail, but why persist in ruminating about your supposed shortcomings? Maybe you could try reminding yourself that there’s nothing really wrong with you when you start having those thoughts.

Also, don’t forget to have fun! Think of cool places to take her, and enjoy yourselves! It’s fun to get to know another person, and this one sounds like she has real possibilities. Keep us updated.

@pdworkin I have this fear that the second I reveal any of my issues or they get discovered, she’ll run and hide. She is a very beautiful girl so I imagine she gets a lot of attention. I haven’t felt like I’ve been acting like something I’m not but I do feel like I need to keep people from getting to know me because they won’t like what they see/find out.

As the mom of a 23 year old daughter that fits the description of your young lady, I can tell you that most mature young women are aware that young men come with shortcomings. The only ones that are still looking for Prince Charming are usually somewhat immature.

Quit focusing on the beautiful part, and focus on the intelligent, kind part, and her character. Looks have nothing to do with what’s really attracting you to this girl.

The most rewarding type of relationship is when someone gets to know you well, and to accept you for exactly who you are. You don’t need to over-reveal. Take your time, have fun, let things develop, and let her get to know you as you get to know her. She probably has similar fears. We all do. Don’t think too much. Eventually you will learn about one another. It takes a long, long time to really get to know another person. It’s almost always worth the effort.

And one more suggestion: don’t think so much about the way she looks. Concentrate more on what kind of person she is. Beauty fades, but decent, smart, funny, companionable – those stay all through a person’s life.

If she makes you want to be the best person that you can be, then you need to focus on that. Focus on making what you perceive your faults to be not an issue in the relationship. Good relationships are a gift, and you have to respect both the uniqueness that the person brings to the relationship, and what you have to give. If a person makes you want to be the best person that you can be, then it’s a good relationship.

It’s really hard to firgure things out when you don’t have a role model for what a healthy relationship looks like.

Relax. What is the downside here?

Also, women do not kiss and cuddle and agree to new dates with guys they aren’t interested in. That is your positive reinforcement.

Sometimes beautiful people don’t get asked out because people assume they have so much action, and it isn’t true.

Finally, rather than texting her to check on her all the time, take a risk and talk to her. For example, “I really like what we have so far. I am enjoying your company.” Then pause and see what she says to you.

Listen to what she says and does and not your inner doubts, which are mostly manufactured.

Get a new puppy. Then start keeping a journal talking about how the only things that matter in this world are the new puppy and her… “I couldn’t go on if anything ever happened to either one of them”. Make sure to have a few sketches of her and the puppy.

Then get some crutches from the goodwill and put your leg in a cast. Set your house on fire and loose everything… including the puppy. Arrange to have your car stolen.

The only things to survive the fire are your iPod and your Journal. Dress up like a clown and ask her for a ride to the hospital, where you have an appointment to entertain the kids in the children’s cancer ward. On the way, ask her to change a dollar so you can catch a buss to the local prison where you council convicts in the evening. Tell her how pleased you are that the Warden offered you a prison blanket to use because you must now sleep on a park bench.

If she invites you to stay with her for a few days, make sure to leave the journal out in the open so she can read it discretely behind your back. Then tell her you got mugged and your iPod was stolen. Ask her if she’s seen your journal around anywhere and trouble her for a pencil.

And try not to act too needy.

Worked for me!

Relax and keep moving forward.

If she is your soul mate she will draw out the best in you.
I know this because my soul mate has done this with me, an introverted artist

It will also help if you let go of your past and just live in today- the past is over and gone and it has no place in today aside of lessons learned.

This new girl is a blank canvas in your life- a new beginning. It is a story yet to be written. Shake off the worry and enjoy it unfolding.

Sounds like you are doing all the right things, and restraining all the right urges. Well done!

Thanks for the advice guys… I guess I am almost expecting my biggest fear to come true and that is she will leave me sooner or later… And if that happens I could see it being a huge hit on my confidence. Some of you guys may be a lot less sensitive than me so sorry if my reasoning just doesn’t resonate with you. I’m just saying it’s tough to just relax and see what happens when I’ve got this constant fear.

Everybody has those fears. The trick is not to let it overwhelm you. Answer a question for me please: What is the very worst thing that could happen if she decided not to pursue a relationship with you? And allow me to answer for you, please: staus quo ante. That’s it! That’s the worst! So you can only be better off for trying, not worse off.

@pdworkin thanks for the response. Well you bring up a good point. I feel as though I’d be worse off if she decided not to pursue a relationship. I think my confidence would be shot. Given this is the first time I’ve ever felt like the potential for a relationship has existed, the stakes seem a lot higher. As such, I’d have a lot of trouble (I think) reverting back to the status quo.

She does have a say in this; it’s not all about you.

Talk dirty to her. The nastier the better.

@number_cruncher If you’re worried about her being more adventurous than you, why not shake up your routine a bit and do some adventurous stuff? Sometimes relationships can change you for the better. Maybe you’re not really that introverted and isolated, but that’s just how you’ve always been doing things.

Introduce her to your issues a little bit at a time, and try to look at them in a mature and thoughtful way when you do. You guys have only been on a couple dates, so you still don’t know each other that well. When you’re really infatuated with a new person it can be easy to get caught up in these grand sweeping emotions, and talk about stuff like this in a really heavy emotional tone. There are times to talk about stuff like this, just keep it appropriate to how well you know each other.