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five99one's avatar

What do you do when you get into an argument with a friend?

Asked by five99one (741points) November 11th, 2009

If you fight with your close friend, what do you do? Do you give it some time, where both of you cool off and forget about it? Or do you try to find the root of the argument and confront it? Or do you do something else? I’m worried that if we don’t try to figure it all out, things will just fester and eventually bubble back up. But I’m also worried that if I try to confront the problem, it’ll just start another fight. What do you do?

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18 Answers

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

I shut up and listen to my friend.

Ansible1's avatar

Depends on the argument, but in general I give us time to chill out, then come back when our heads are clear to turn the argument into a discussion

troubleinharlem's avatar

Usually I give it some time. Time heals, after all.

jrpowell's avatar

Depends on the fight. I have had ones where we never talk again and ones where the next day we see each other and say, “That was a stupid argument.”

If you had sex with their SO I could see things never returning to normal. But if it was a fight about what toppings to get on the pizza confront it.

What I am saying is that without more details it is hard to offer advice.

lamedb's avatar

I would first wait till we are not so angry and defensive. Afterwards, I think over what the friendship means to me, then what the best way is to approach the situation.

It would also depend heavily on the friend- I have some friends who are impossible to confront, because they are so defensive and sensitive. There is a softer way around that sort of stuff, but if you realize that there are better friends to be had, that your energy would be better spent on someone else, then you can end it with at least a level head.

However you choose, don’t compromise your needs as a friend and person. You should be honest about those things, and be clear yet neutral about them. Wherever it goes from there, you can be respected for those types of actions.

I was once told that you can never have too many friends.

AstroChuck's avatar

(unless it’s with my wife)

milla101's avatar

Depends on your friends attitude, whether he’s stubborn or not. Give and a bit of take always works. Confronting the problem I’ve found is the best solution, It doesn’t have to be resolved on the very first day but it should be taken care of asap, depending on it’s severity, otherwise I guarantee you it will fester and fester and eventually turn into resentment. The end.

Trance24's avatar

If me and my best friend fight its usually my fault, so I beg for forgiveness.

hearkat's avatar

I can’t remember the last time I had an argument. There is very little worth fighting for, on general terms; and my closest friends and I have known each other for decades…
So my answer is to not argue in the first place. Friendships and relationships have a higher priority than anything but my son’s and my well-being. If someone’s views, values it beliefs are so different then mine, they may be colleagues or acquaintances, but it is unlikely that I’d call them “friend”.

gottamakeart's avatar

unless its something that I’m truly passionate about, I will let it go- better “losing” an arguement than a friend.

kyanblue's avatar

I need at least a day before I try to do anything. If I react when I’m still angry or emotional, I know I’m not going to do it right. I can spend that day figuring out whose fault it was. Sometimes it’s mine. Sometimes it’s theirs, but I overreacted or said things I shouldn’t have in the fight.

In any case, when I go to talk to them, I am humble. I don’t try to blame my friend, but I don’t shift all the blame onto my shoulders, either. A good friend will, when you are apologizing, stop you and say, “No, it was partly my fault too.” And then things can be worked out.

Sometimes you’re ready to talk and your friend isn’t. Wait until they have stopped reacting and can start responding to you.

I used to have huge, massive arguments with one of my friends that would end with me going off into the night to cry. (I’m not quite sure what she did.) Now we seem to have eased past that. It’s quite a nice feeling.

throughthelookingglass's avatar

Apologize as soon as possible for anything that you might have done to lead to that situation… do it once, mean it sincerely and then work on forgiving them for whatever they might have done to you… regardless of whether you want the friendship to continue. And, always be kind!

Forgiveness is just as much for you as it is for them- because walking around with resentment never helped anyone or any friendship.

Good Luck!

Iclamae's avatar

Again, depends on the fight. I find myself unable to fight with my childhood best friend, for some reason. If we’re disagreeing on something, I just stop myself before I get angry. Usually we only disagree on one thing and anything I say will fall on deaf ears.

Otherwise, if there’s a problem with friends, I usually confront it head on. I may not realize the problem until a quiet moment later, or during a different argument, but I still confront it. I hate passive-aggressiveness from my friends, so I try to counteract it.

Psychedelic_Zebra's avatar

Dueling pistols at forty paces.

five99one's avatar

@Psychedelic_Zebra I’m not sure about this, but I’ve used a gun once, so I think I have a slight advantage.

Psychedelic_Zebra's avatar

@five99one then you’ll have to shoot blindfolded. =)

five99one's avatar

@Psychedelic_Zebra I rescind my previous statement.

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