General Question

timetodance's avatar

How do I get what I want for Christmas?

Asked by timetodance (52points) November 27th, 2009

Okay, so I know what I want for Christmas, but I don’t know how to tell him. I don’t want to outright say anything, because I don’t want him to think I’m crazy. He keeps asking what I want, but I don’t know how to tell him. What should I do?

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66 Answers

timetodance's avatar

Him = Boyfriend of 2 years. just so you know

Buttonstc's avatar

Well, I know one thing for certain. It’s extremely unlikely that he is clairvoyant enough to figure it out all by himself :)

There are so many men whom I have heard say that they wish women would spell it out for them. Many are fully aware of how clueless they are when it comes to figuring out exactly what women want.

Dr. Phil has a cute way of expressing this: ” We do much better if you write it in crayon in REALLY BIG letters”

Aethelwine's avatar

He’s asking you right? Then tell him.

chyna's avatar

What do you want?

Buttonstc's avatar

And as a shrink, you would think that he would be in touch with what Robin wants. But even he prefers to not deal with the anxiety of trying to guess.

:D

cyn's avatar

that you love him?

oratio's avatar

@chyna I think she wants a Promise Ring.

faye's avatar

WTF!!!!!

chyna's avatar

@oratio Oh! She needs to spell it out to him then. Not only what she wants, but what kind she wants.

timetodance's avatar

@oratio is right!

Well I don’t want to just say it, because what if he’s all.. what the fuck?

faye's avatar

run, run, run,

Darwin's avatar

“He keeps asking what I want, but I don’t know how to tell him. ”

If you don’t tell him, he’ll never know. And if you do tell him and he goes all what the…, then he may not be the best choice of boyfriend for you.

Beyond that I doubt anyone can advise you because we don’t know what you want either. However, if you ask him when you are both naked, you might have a better chance, depending again on what it is.

Assuming you are both old enough to get naked together legally.

chelseababyy's avatar

@Darwin She said she wants a promise ring.

Buttonstc's avatar

Not only do you need to spell it out for him, you have to put the dots REALLY close together. :)

timetodance's avatar

@faye Huh?

@Buttonstc I don’t know how to “spell it out for him” without just outright saying it.

Buttonstc's avatar

Either that or write him a letter or draw him a picture with the dots REALLY close together.

:)

Foolaholic's avatar

Could you maybe tell a friend, then have them pop it on him during conversation?

faye's avatar

F**nell say it

timetodance's avatar

@Foolaholic Unfortunately none of my friends know him or live here.

Buttonstc's avatar

You said: “He keeps asking me what I want…”

People here are trying to get this point across…

T E L L H I M ! !

timetodance's avatar

@Buttonstc The thing is that we’ve never really been the “romantic” couple. Well I have, he hasn’t.. much. So I just don’t want it to be weird, you know?

casheroo's avatar

what the heck is a promise ring? Is it a ring prior to an engagement right? Has marriage even been discussed before?

Foolaholic's avatar

@timetodance

What about family members? His sister or mother perhaps?

avvooooooo's avatar

Find a picture of the one you want. Print it out, cut it out, whatever. Just leave some identifying information there so he knows where to get it. Stick it somewhere, like in the medicine cabinet, where he’ll find it. That takes care of the material half.

You’re still going to have to TALK TO HIM about making a commitment for a possible long haul. He’ll know he’s getting you the ring, but not what it means. Or not what you want it to mean.

Darwin's avatar

Look, if you feel you are at a point in your relationship where you need a promise ring from him, then you need to let him know. If he doesn’t agree with you then it would be a good time to look for someone else.

timetodance's avatar

Well, we already know that there’s a possibility of being together for a very long time. We’ve spoken of marriage and what not, so that’s not a biggie. He’s 24 and I’m 20.

avvooooooo's avatar

There’s nobody here that’s going to tell you that you can get away with not talking to him about it.

Buttonstc's avatar

Take avooooo’s picture suggestion.

colladom's avatar

perhaps you should ask for a book on relationship communication

JLeslie's avatar

@casheroo a promise ring is a ring to let everyone know you are going steady. Or, at least it was back in the 50’s. I didn’t now they still give them. Maybe it has evolved to mean te ring before you get the engagement ring?

Maybe make this commitment conversation seperate from Christmas? I never understood why people want to entagle the two. But that is just me.

Fernspider's avatar

I wanted a ring for our anniversary (maybe not a promise ring or anything like that, just a sweet gesture or piece of jewellery I could wear and think of him).

I took him into a jewellery shop and started pointing out various rings etc I really liked saying “Oh, this one is so pretty, what do you think?” He was typically all “Oh yeah, it’s nice… you hungry?” sort of thing LOL.

Finally, as we were walking through the carpark to go home, I said “Don’t you want to get me something for our anniversary?” (PS: I had already bought him a little something which he was stoked with) and he said “Yeah but I wasn’t sure what to get you.” Anyway, long story short, I went around in circles hinting and suggesting – all of which appeared to have gone over his head.

Embarrassingly, I ended up starting to cry in the car and he said “OMG, whats wrong sweetie? Have I said something wrong?” I ended up coming out and just saying that I wanted him to WANT to get me the ring and that I had been dropping hints and stuff.

He started laughing and gave me a cuddle wondering why I hadn’t just told him! He took me back to the store and we picked out a nice ring together.

Point to my long winded tale… sometimes they don’t pick up the hints!

timetodance's avatar

@colladom Mm. Such great advice ;D
@JLeslie More than anything they’re just a promise to each other. I mean, everyone already knows.

timetodance's avatar

@Rachienz Thank you for that story. I’ll definitely do something like that. And EXACTLY, I mean, promise ring, whatever, I just want something from him, to make me think of him. I’ll hint to him like you did, hopefully I won’t cry though. He’s just the type of person who doesn’t really do many romantic things, so when he does, it’s really meaningful, you know? That’s why I’m just weirded out. It’s not about us not being able to communicate, because we can, and do on a daily basis. More than anything it’s me being embarrassed because I’ve never really asked for anything like this.

JLeslie's avatar

@timetodance maybe I am confusing it with being pinned.

timetodance's avatar

@JLeslie I’m young, but I think you’re right. I think when a guy gives a girl his pin that means they’re going steady.

Fernspider's avatar

@timetodance – Yeah, I know what you mean. My guy is the same. His idea of romance is driving me to the after hours doctor centre when I accidently scratched my eyes and then not only paying for my appointment and eye drops but then buying me my favourite thai takeaway on the way home to cheer me up.

Or repairing broken things that are meaningful to me.

Romantic, but not in the idealistic, gushy flowers and chocolate sort of way.

JLeslie's avatar

@timetodance Do you not want to tell him because you want it to be his idea? Do you feel like if you tell him it ruins it, ruins the romantic part of it?

timetodance's avatar

@Rachienz Exactly. Their idea of romance is different than ours. Which is totally fine, I actually think it’s cute when they try to be romantic.
@JLeslie In a way, yes. But I know that he won’t just think of that himself. You know? Which is why I just want to nonchalantly leave little clues for him to see.

Darwin's avatar

I have seen it go the other way. A young male friend of mine has fallen in love, and he took his girl to look at rings. Now she knows he hasn’t finished college (and neither has she) and she knows what he does to make ends meet, yet she still picked out a ring that cost $12,000. He managed to talk her down to a ring that cost $6500, but then realized he still couldn’t afford it. Then he panicked, worrying about what she would say or do if he told her she couldn’t have that ring.

I pointed out to him that if she loves him the way he thinks she does, then telling her honestly what he could afford would be the way to go. She would revise her expectations downward and love him all the more for being honest. Eventually, after stewing for a while, he did go talk to her about it, and they ended up choosing a ring within his means.

Personally, I actually think the smaller, less elaborate ring is much more attractive.

Just so, in your case you need to make it clear as to what you want for Christmas from him, but allow him to decide what he can afford. Most guys don’t get clues. They need stuff spelled out in big letters and simple phrases. For example:

He: What do you want for Christmas?

She: That silver ring that is third from the left in the first row.

He: Okay.

Buttonstc's avatar

Most guys are dense about stuff like that. They tend to look at things on a practical level, hence paying the medical bill, etc.

There have been guys who have gotten their wives a vacuum cleaner for an anniversary present and wondered why she burst into tears :)

Hence Dr. Phil’s advice. He knows how guys think since he obviously is one. Most guys appreciate being told what will make their SO happy. It is such a relief to them. They really are just like little boys sometimes. Their intentions are good, but the mind of a woman is a total mystery to them most of the time.

casheroo's avatar

@Darwin sweet jesus…why anyone would even be looking at a ring that costs 12k is beyond me. I just can’t fathom it. I know some don’t view it as a waste, but I sure as heck do.

Darwin's avatar

Actually, the two best gifts I ever got from a boyfriend, both of which long outlasted the giver in my life, were a set of jumper cables and an electric blanket. He wanted me to be able to start my car if I got stranded, and he wanted me to be warm at night. Now that is love from a guy’s perspective.

timetodance's avatar

@Darwin Okay, 12k for a ring? GOD NO. At least I’m talking like 100–150. The thing is I want HIM to pick something out. What’s the point if I just tell him what I want? I’ll just buy the damn thing myself.

JLeslie's avatar

@timetodance You are screwed. You are going to have to tell him if you want to get what you want. If he is not feeling up to the committment then I guess you might be very dissappointed. Maybe that is what you are worried about?

@Darwin I love the jumper cables.

timetodance's avatar

@JLeslie The commitment is not an issue. Not at all. I just want something from him, that he picked, for me. Something I can wear.

If I just outright say this is the one I want why not just buy it for myself, you know?

casheroo's avatar

@timetodance I picked out my own engagement ring, and wedding band. I didn’t want to wear something every day that I’d hate. I saw the choices my husband would have made, and knew I had to step in.
I do understand wanting him to pick it out and it be special, since it really isn’t a wedding ring..which you will wear all the time, for the rest of your life.
Whenever I want jewelry, I just tell my husband. He does surprise me with things..but I’m very picky when it comes to rings.
Maybe picking one out together could be fun. Maybe while walking around the mall, pop into a store and he’ll get the hint? And you can give him hints of what style you prefer?

Darwin's avatar

@casheroo – I am currently wearing a combination of rings that have something like that as their replacement value. The wedding ring is solid gold, a 20th anniversary gift to replace my lost ring and my husband’s deformed one, and the price of gold is way up right now, and the other is a diamond that was purchased for $1000 by my great grandmother over a century ago as an investment for her retirement. Instead of retiring with it she gave it to my grandmother to replace her lost wedding ring. My grandmother then gave it to my mother when her arthritis got too bad, and in turn my mother gave it to me.

Our original rings, the engagement ring and both his and my wedding rings, cost us a whopping $400 in total. We have always picked out our rings together, so we will both like wearing them.

timetodance's avatar

@casheroo Yeah I was just thinking about it, and that would definitely work, having him pick from choices. I just don’t want him to buy it if he doesn’t want to. It’s not like I NEED it, but it’s something I want, you know? Something that would mean something to me. He’s never bought me jewelry, however he does know my taste in everything else. The great thing is that he’s always listening, even when I think he’s not. He’ll just come home with something that I said I wanted forever ago.

JLeslie's avatar

@timetodance I did not mean you have to tell him which ring you want, I was not clear, my mistake. I meant you have to tell him, “I would love to get a ring from you, picked out by you that I can wear all of the time.”

timetodance's avatar

@JLeslie Ahh gotcha. Yeah. That’s what I think I may do.

JLeslie's avatar

@timetodance I agree that it is less romantic when you tell him what you want, but if you WANT it you have to tell. No one can read your mind, not even a boyfriend. You have to save “romantic” for other things he does on his own. Little gestures like @Darwin jumper cables, or like when my husband surprised me with Krystal burgers for our Crystal anniversary.

MacBean's avatar

$12K!? Good Lord. That ring was either carved from a unicorn’s horn, or it was ugly as hell. For some reason I’m leaning toward ‘ugly as hell.’

avvooooooo's avatar

@MacBean LOL 4 unicorn horn!!!

timetodance's avatar

@JLeslie Yeah. And he does do really cute things. I suppose I will just swallow my pride and tell him.

JLeslie's avatar

@timetodance will he be annoyed if he was planning to buy you a ring, and now you are taking away his surprise?

timetodance's avatar

@JLeslie To be honest, I doubt he’d plan to buy a ring. And he can’t keep secrets too well anyway. He always just ends up telling me our “special plans” or what he buys me anyway. Unless he’s really into what he got me, then he’s great at secrets. It could go either way.

JLeslie's avatar

@timetodance Awww, he sounds really nice.

timetodance's avatar

@JLeslie Oh he is! A month or so ago I really wanted a new phone. We live together by the way. So he told me we could go together and I could get it one day after work. That day rolls around, he picks me up and is all “I’m not in the mood to go to the mall right now”. I was pretty bummed, but whatever. On our way home, he’s talking about the phone, we pick up some food, and drive back to our place. Well I walk in the door, and sitting on my desk… The phone! He has a tendency to do things like that. It’s sweet.

Fernspider's avatar

@timetodance – Awwww… that is so adorable. Sounds like a sweetie. I think it is special when someone shows you how they feel about you in their own way! xoxo

timetodance's avatar

@Rachienz Yeah for sure. He always says “I just like to see you smile” and “I love making you happy”. It’s cuteness.

Darwin's avatar

@MacBean – I saw it. It had a three-carat yellow diamond in it, which was part of the high price, but, to be honest, I thought it was also ugly as hell, although the diamond was nice on its own.

jrpowell's avatar

I have boy parts. And this entire conversation is freaking me out.

Just go window shopping with him and say, “that is really pretty.” And highlight the ring. You do know this puts the guy in a bad spot? Nothing is better than gifting a ring that is the wrong size.

To ascribe anything more to it then a gift is a bad thing.

avvooooooo's avatar

@johnpowell Are your boy parts running for cover over this? :D

jrpowell's avatar

@avvooooooo :: I iced them to numb my junk.

Fernspider's avatar

Ice… junk…. oh dear. I am far too innocent for this carry on! ;) lol

gemiwing's avatar

It sounds like you have a very sweet guy. Do you want a ring, specifically, or just something jewelry-related or even simply something physical to hold on to? If you tell him why you were looking at the rings- he may have an idea you hadn’t thought of. He may find a beautiful necklace or a token to keep in your pocket etc.

The only reason I suggest that method at all is because he seems like a bright and sensitive guy who could be creative and you seem to feel a bit silly asking for a ring. So perhaps you could skip asking for the ‘ring’ and explain why you want it and what it means for you to have a physical emblem of your love together.

Failing that- pick out three rings and let him do the final choosing.

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