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stdave's avatar

Get herpes, marry girl, divorce girl, need new dating plan?

Asked by stdave (38points) December 13th, 2009

Is it possible for a middle aged divorced man with herpes to ever date again? I’m guessing it doesn’t look too good.

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25 Answers

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kevbo's avatar

There are plenty of herpes dating sites.

EmpressPixie's avatar

Something like one quarter of the population has herpes. I wouldn’t worry about it too much—just be honest about it with your partner.

mclaugh's avatar

@eponymoushipster another skanky human?!! that was harsh! if someone has herpes, it doesn’t mean they’re skanks.

i have a friend who has herpes and she just dates normally but won’t do anything sexual until she is sure about a guy, at which point she tells him about it. she makes sure that he knows what herpes is and tells him that it’s his choice to stick around or bounce. surprisingly the last guy stuck around, though it didn’t last very long!

lundayjjjj23's avatar

It might but i am not sure if it is really that possible.

scotsbloke's avatar

@mclaugh GOod Advice my friend!

mclaugh's avatar

@scotsbloke thanks! i have seen how hard it has been on my friend and so, i don’t wish that on anyone! even if we(friend and i) are younger, i think it is the same at any age and older people might actually be luckier when trying to find someone because i think that more of them are mature enough to get informed on the disease before making the actual decision to stick around or leave. younger people tend to just be like @eponymoushipster and think that people with herpes are skanks, which is not the case most of the time.

mclaugh's avatar

whoever gave @eponymoushipster a “GA” should be punched square in the face.

stdave's avatar

@mclaugh thanks for the supportive response. this issue has made me question whether there really is life after divorce. it’s good to be reminded as @eponymoushipster has that the world does not look kindly on this problem. i knew there was a good chance of getting herpes when i met my girlfriend but i thought the relationship was worth it. it was and our marriage lasted for many years. but my dating prospects already don’t look so great for other reasons. so add herpes on top of all that and you see it becomes quite a difficult case to argue against.

dpworkin's avatar

@stdave One never knows. I met the Love of my Life when I was 52, and I strongly believe that we will grow old together. @eponymoushipster finds exaggeration amusing. I don’t think he is really ill-intentioned.

mclaugh's avatar

i see that it can be difficult, especially if you live in a small town, but date someone from elsewhere…and if you haven’t been divorced for too long, then of course your dating prospects look bleak. give yourself some time! :)

stdave's avatar

@mclaugh yes, that’s solid advice that i need to keep reminding myself. still getting used to waking up every morning and spending the day alone. as you said, it takes time to readjust. not always easy to remember of course.

stdave's avatar

@pdworkin yes, we never know and thanks for the clarification on @eponymoushipster‘s words.

jrpowell's avatar

I just want to add that I love your username if that was intentional.

filmfann's avatar

@mclaugh regarding @eponymoushipster ‘s comment: On Fluther, we don’t punch in the face.
We punch him in the dick.

dpworkin's avatar

yes, you will have to adapt to dick-punching to feel at home here.

barbiedoll's avatar

I was in a serious relationship with a man who had herpes. He was tuned into his body and never wanted me to catch it. It was inconvenient at times, because he did not trust a condom. I never caught anything from him, which is more than I can say for some others. But nothing permanent. He did tell me when we started to get more serious, but not sexual. The time helped me think about it and know him better.

MagsRags's avatar

As @EmpressPixie said, there are a lot of folks out there who have herpes and have never been diagosed – nearly 90% of adults have had oral cold sores, which are caused by HSV-1 and about 1 in 5 have antibodies to HSV-2 the herpes virus that prefers the genital area

We all have baggage that we bring to new relationships, and this is part of yours. It’s good that you’ve been diagnosed, because you can help prevent your new partner from being exposed. The right woman will respect your honesty and will appreciate your acceptance of her baggage, whether it’s bad breath or bipolar disorder or unruly adult children.

I’m a women’s health care nurse practitioner and I periodically see women who are in long term faithful relationships and suddenly have genital herpes. It’s a difficult adjustment for both, trying to figure out if they still trust their partners and wondering who was harboring the virus without knowing. Your future partner will be able to be proactive in protecting herself.

mclaugh's avatar

@filmfann Good, cause i actually like dick punching better. :P

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

My guess is since so many people supposedly have it, they’re finding partners somewhere. Whatever you do, tell your potential sex partner before you fool around in any way that could transmit the virus. Personally, I’d rather know up front if a date has it or not because I’m in the “bounce” group. I’d feel really torn and angry to have to make the choice of breaking up after getting all infatuated and invested in the person.

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