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isquidly's avatar

Why does my Girlfriend feel the need to dance with other guys?

Asked by isquidly (28points) January 23rd, 2010

ok before i start let me clarify the only form of dancing i dont like my girlfriend doing with another guy is grinding. for those of you that dont know what that is, its literally grinding your body on another persons body while dancing, usually the girls ass on the guys penis.

ok so i was having a conversation with my girlfriend. and i was making plans for tonight. i said lets go to a club, and she seemed hesitant, i kept asking lets go and she said no finally, i said why, she said becuase your just going to get mad. she said i dont want to dance with one guy all night i want to dance bachata and salsa with other guys. which i dont mind becuase its not so close.

so im wondering ladies, if your boyfriend has a problem with you dancing with other men why is that such a problem. like is it ABSOLUTELY necessary that you have to dance with other men? youd rather stay home and watch tv then go out just becuase you cant dance with other guys without your boyfriend getting upset??

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29 Answers

Flo_Nightengale's avatar

I am a very ancient woman so my answer might not be popular. To me, dancing is an intimate action. If I care for someone, I would want to dance close to them, put my head on his chest and hear his heartbeat. That is part of being in love. My boyfriend would not have to mention he had a problem with me dancing with someone else because I would only want to dance with him in such a way.
Now on the other hand there are the obligatory dances with others but a decent space is usually kept between the dancers.
Hope this helps, remember I am of a different generation.

willbrawn's avatar

Maybe she doesn’t like your dancing. Just a thought.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

I’m ancient too. If more people were the divorce rates wouldn’t be so high. XD

Seek's avatar

My hubby doesn’t like dancing either.

And I can understand his reasoning. Dancing has, historically and in nature, always been a way of attracting a mate. Since we’ve successfully attracted and mated, there’s no need to go confusing the minds of other people on a dance floor.

Yes, I understand the reasoning. No, I don’t like it. I like to dance – not necessarily with other people, I just like dancing. I do rather wish I could get him out there. ~sigh~

wisdomtooth's avatar

In my opinion you have EVERY right and reason to be upset at your girlfriend’s behavior.
I think it’s pretty disrespectful. Maybe it’s just me but I find it so hard to believe that a girl just HAS to dance with others, even if she does like a particular dance that her boyfriend may not want to participate in. I don’t see the gain in dancing with someone else, a stranger, and making someone she supposedly cares about, you, angry.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

@wisdomtooth I agree and I wouldn’t stay with a woman so intent on being with other men… even just on a dance floor.. it just doesn’t make sense…

As far as my little soap box goes… grinding is not dancing… Fred Astaire could dance. People who grind are just having sex without the good sense to take their clothes off and move to a private area first.

wunday's avatar

Dance is such a situational thing. Behavior in one context is sensuality, and in another context it is sexuality. Grinding can be a form of dance that doesn’t mean anything other that the feel of the movement and the symbolism of the actions. Symbolism is not at all the same thing as an action meant personally.

The problem is that it is not clear if the actions of your girlfriend are purely for the feel and expression of it, or if they are personal. You seem to feel that it is personal, and you could be right. But if it’s just random dancers in the club, it probably isn’t.

Now most people these days have no clue that dance can be just sensual. They see it purely as a sexual thing. Especially the dances that look sexual.

I don’t know what your girlfriend’s view on all this is. But the fact that you worry is a worry in itself. It suggests you are insecure about her affections and that you guys don’t communicate effectively. Or it could also mean that you have a hard time understanding your own motives.

The answer is that you have to have a frank talk about what the dancing means, and why she wants other partners. The thing is, she is trying to protect you by not going out at all. She doesn’t want to go out and make you feel bad, and she also doesn’t want to go out under your rules. That makes her feel like property, and she isn’t and shouldn’t be your property.

If you guys can’t agree on rules that meet both your needs, then maybe you should consider seeing other people.

Flo_Nightengale's avatar

Ah @NaturalMineralWater, and Gene Kelley, Danny Kaye and I’m too old to remember the rest!

La_chica_gomela's avatar

I dance, especially dances like salsa and bachata, with guys I don’t know all the time. In fact, if you want to learn how to dance, you have to be willing to dance with people you don’t know. That’s what happens in dance classes. It’s not a big deal.

For me it’s necessary to dance with other guys because my boyfriend doesn’t dance that well (not that he’s bad at it, just that he hasn’t learned that much), he won’t go to a class, and he won’t let me teach him. So if I danced with him all night, I would be doing just doing the basic step the whole night with no turns, no spins, no real moves at all. That’ll get old in about 30 seconds. I don’t know what your level of dancing is @isquidly, but unless you’re an expert, you probably don’t know every single possible move, and when you dance with different partners, each one knows different moves and has a different style, so you get a wide range. As a man, you have the good luck to dance the lead, and so you get to choose what moves to do. We women just have to follow the man, so our only opportunity to do anything different is by dancing with different partners. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Phury908's avatar

wel i think that girls feel a need to get away for a slight momment, because in relationships girls and boys to feel traped and just want to have some freedom…. so i wouldn’t worry to much.

susanc's avatar

If every ballerina lifted up by the inner thigh by every male partner with his weeny all displayed in those little tights to a huge audience were sleeping with him during the few hours they weren’t working, ballet would have fallen by the wayside in its infancy.

The question isn’t, Why does your girlfriend want to dance with other men, but Is your girlfriend looking for a new boyfriend. Dancing isn’t the issue.

windex's avatar

Do you live on the Joisey Shoa by any chance?

Edit: ooops forgot to actually answer, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? >:O
It is NEVER ok for you or your gf or your bf to rub his/her private parts or arse on someone else’s arse or private parts.
This particular issue IS B&W.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

Everyone seems to be forgetting that the dance he’s talking about isn’t ballet, or salsa, or square dance, or even the bosa nova .. he’s talking about a dance with the rudimentary reference “grinding” ... it’s basically a lap dance whilst standing… If you’re ok with your SO getting a lap dance from someone else every time you go to the club than.. imho.. you’re morally inept.

@Flo_Nightengale I know. =(

La_chica_gomela's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater: Actually the way I read it, he was talking specifically about salsa and bachata (the two dances I referenced). QUOTE: “she said i dont want to dance with one guy all night i want to dance bachata and salsa with other guys.”

Flo_Nightengale's avatar

@La_chica_gomela it sounds like the girl want to dance all night and with anyone and doing anything. How do you think her boyfriend feels as he sits alone watching her dance. It does not matter what kind of dance and he is fooling himself. If the tables were reversed, I can assure you she would not like it.
@isquidly imagine you mother dancing like that with some strange man. This whole thing just does not sit right with me.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

@Flo_Nightengale: Wow, you’re really reading into it that was never written there. You said you’re “ancient”. Enough said.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

@La_chica_gomela Did you not read this part? “ok before i start let me clarify the only form of dancing i dont like my girlfriend doing with another guy is grinding”

Sophief's avatar

Girls do it for attention, to feel attractive to the opposite sex. I used to do it all the time when I was my ex, whether out with him or alone, I would dance like that with men. I wouldn’t do it now, I wouldn’t even go out without him now and I certainly wouldn’t do it in front of him, I respect him too much, and I only want him, no one else interests me in the slightest.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater: I don’t want to argue with you. I see where you’re coming from. I just didn’t see a part where he said she wanted to grind with other guys. Maybe that was the implicit. I guess I was just answering for myself, I don’t know what’s going on in his girlfriend’s head.

Flo_Nightengale's avatar

Seems someone has the need to have the last word. Anyone feel guilt?

isquidly's avatar

@La_chica_gomela yes i was referring to HER wanting to dance bachata and salsa all night. but im fine with that, the only dance i have problem with is grinding. i was just curious as to know why she feels the NEED to dance with other guys and not just have fun with me as ive heard of stories from countless couples im friends with.

now i dont want to FORCE her to dance with me. becuase i havnt told her that either. im just wondering why its a NECESSITY to dance with others instead of just an OPTION.

and chica gomela…if you really really reaaaaaaaally care about someone..“those same basic steps” that seem to get you bored, would be the most fun in the world. im saying this becuase i of course am not an expert dancer and i dont know all those fancy turns an i can just do basics steps so your comment hit a nerve, i dont know if other men feel the same way, but i want to be able to impress and let my girlfriend have a good time so to hear her say she NEEDS to dance with others is a direct blow to my ego. the reason your comment hit a nerve is becuase i agree with it =( no expert dancer but she should be happy to spend some time with me and be able to have fun.

daxmichaels's avatar


cseager's avatar

so heres my question for you…are you a good dancer? honestly I love to dance! and I do not think dancing with other guys is a big deal girls like to dance and if your going to a club grinding is what you do…i dont think its appropriate for her to dance on other guys in front of you or behind your back if it makes you uncomfortable and relationships are all about compromising, so maybe not going to clubs isnt so bad, at least she is being honest with you about why she rather stay home then go to a club…

meagan's avatar

Why not go somewhere else beside “da club”? Problem solved.

thatguy416's avatar

listen…i too have/had a similar problem and i spoke to my girl about it right away…communication is key to any relationship, i simply told her that it makes me uncomfortable seeing the proximity of bachata and told her that im not a controlling bf and she can do what she wants, but that i was pretty sure if the tables were turned she would feel the same. She agreed to my logic and said she would not do it without me (iv been a dancer for 10 years but a different type of dance) we agreed to take tango together and as far as i am concerned its settled.. Lets be honest with ourselves here for a minute

partner dancing especially sensual ones are by nature courtship rituals..i am not saying that’s the only reason girls go, but why put yourself in that position if you are not shopping or at least looking for validation or attention from others? that one girl said herself she stopped going and would not anymore because she respects her man too much

JumboTecha's avatar

Hey guys thought I’d add my 2cents. I’m a dancer of 13 years and also teach. Now people usually substitute sexual with sensual saying that it’s not a sexual thing but a sensual forgetting that sensual means appealing to sexual senses!

Now I’ve done most of the latin dances and dancing salsa with men is not the same as dancing bachata. Salsa is fun and playful whilst bachata is intimate and sensual. When you dance bachata with a good dancer you feel a form of attraction and connected to them. It’s a bond that you will not have with someone that isn’t a dancer and they simply will not understand. If you are in a relationship and forming this bond with other men then you are connecting on a level that you can’t with you partner which IMO isnt right especially if you dance regularly with them.

Like previously said dancing IS a courtship ritual and although on a concious level you may feel you’re just practising or having fun there are other parts of the brain thinking other things.

Now if the tables were turned and you were having this level of intimacy and connection with other women would that be acceptable. No it wouldn’t. So it shouldn’t be for her either.

I’ve been in many relationships over my years dancing and in each and every one while I was with my boyfriend I would not dance sensual or risqué dances with other men in a social setting. Now I’m happily married and teach with my partner in a class situation and do dance with men to show them moves but that’s as far as that will ever go. The same goes for my husband.

arodri111's avatar

Honestly, bachata has a lot of grinding involved. And salsa is very sexual and sexy. As a woman, I want my guy there with me.And I think that it is ok to dance with other people as long as we both are ok with it. If a woman doesn’t want her man along, it is because she is looking for alternatives. Period! If she loves her man and is proud to be with him, she will not want to go without him. And for her to get mad and not want to go at all, that is a clear sign she was planning to meet someone there. It is as simple as that. As a woman who has been there and done that, it is the awful truth.

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