General Question

bean's avatar

Does this person love me?

Asked by bean (1327points) February 3rd, 2010

This person had become friends with me since we met earlier last year, and his friend was my boyfriend, but now that me and my boyfriend broke up this friend waited a few months to tell him how he felt about me. He wants a girlfriend but he know’s I’m not quite over the break up so he suggested we can be really good friends,
be there for eachother when we need to talk to some one, he also said he will drive to my place when ever i need some one there for me and I told him he can trust me too, he said we will take things slow, he also told me he would wait until I’m ready. Every few day’s he sends me a message to say Hi and I can’t help but feel like I love him too,
I think we’re pretty much togather, I always joke around and he says he would never cheat on his really good friend haha
Any one got any good advice to give me about how to approach this?
I’ve also told him I want to be with him, and would it be slutty of me to want to sleep with him so soon? I’m really bad at these things….

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33 Answers

belakyre's avatar

He’s into you. But I don’t think that you should sleep with him yet…

Follow his advice: “we will take things slow”.

One step at a time, don’t rush it. :D

bean's avatar

@belakyre haha, thanks
yeah, slow is good… I actually said to him I want to sleep with him… he said, he wants to as well but he wants me to take things at my own speed and said he never wants to hurt me, and that I do what I’m comfortable with and we definitly first build our relationship so we don’t hurt eachother…. he pretty much says what I’m thinking and how I feel, he even knows when I’m upset when we just speak over msn…. haha, and we’re both scared about things going bad….. but I hope they wont

mea05key's avatar

Yeah, take things slowly, be fren first its fine, what is there to rush. Moreover, if love is there it will stay there. more exciting to be fren for longer time before u unleash ur love formally be together.

*out of topic *just curious are u from malaysia or singapore?

bean's avatar

@mea05key nup, i’m australian~

PandoraBoxx's avatar

He sounds like he’s respectful and cares about you, and has some emotional maturity. Take it slow. It doesn’t sound like he’s going to disappear on you.

Haroot's avatar

Ah what similar sounds of my own love life. Just be open with him like you are. Move at a speed you both are comfortable at. If possible try to take it slower just in case. You might just be rebounding. Keep that in mind. Best of luck to you.

bean's avatar

@PandoraBoxx yeah :D he’s done so much more than my boyfriend ever did…. even with just speaking to me he’s completely different….

@Haroot yeah…. I may be rebounding, but he’s been there and had a hard break up too, and his girlfriend was pretty hard on him when it happened, but he did the breaking up… but unlike my ex boyfriend he still speaks to her casually every now and then over msn… my ex boyfriend broke up with me via txt message and just disappeared. This is what I want though, and my feelings are real so he makes me happy, but at the moment, yes, slow is a good idea! :D

whitenoise's avatar

Why worry so much? Talk to him about it… he will know. Make sure to be open, honest and respectful of each other.
If you worry about anything, worry when and where you initiate to talk about this, not so much on how you should talk. He sounds like a nice and decent guy, so having you say such flattering things about him shouldn’t hurt.

I don’t know your age, so i find it hard to judge whether you should wait or hurry up, but having consensual sex with someone that cares for you and respects you should not lead to worries about sluttyness.

Of course you could be on the rebound and of course you may now throw yourself into a relationship that may not last. So what… as long as you make sure you do it in a way that you will still respect yourself after that.
So again… just be honest, I guess, if you have doubts.

bean's avatar

@whitenoise thanks, and I’m 19…. I’ve already had sex before…. and I’m comfortable with the idea of just doing it soon…. but I want to make sure that’s not slutty…. I have alot of morals, and I don’t want to do something that I should of waited longer for.

Your_Majesty's avatar

I think you should investigate this man first. To see his real intention before you both go any further(so he won’t take any advantage from you). There’s nothing wrong with too careful.
After you’ve really made your mind about this man then you can accept him with real love.

bean's avatar

@Doctor_D yes, that is a good point too thanks

whitenoise's avatar

@bean I’d worry less about morals and more about ethics… but hey, that’s just me.

bean's avatar

@whitenoise ethics? sorry :P need you to explain more to me…

Sophief's avatar

Yesterday you were saying how much you love your ex. If that is true, then you don’t love this new person. I would say from what you have wrote that he is attracted to you and possibly cares for you, but I don’t see any love. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t though. Only he can answer that for you.

bean's avatar

@Dibley I still love my ex… always will, because for me, when I love some one for real it won’t change…. more time is needed for things to fade, but my feelings for him just sit there… but I also have feelings for this person too… not as strong though, so we will see where that goes…. but I feel like I love him, or really like him (like it’s all new and exciting) you know what i mean? This new guy has said he loves me twice…. but I’m trying to understand it more by asking fluther :P I’m just really bad with all this stuff… I have my general idea but I always need to ask when I don’t fully know whats going on.

Steve_A's avatar

@bean This new guy is best friends with your ex. and from my understanding your ex was a piece of shit right?

bean's avatar

@Steve_A yeah…. what are you thinking? tell me! and hey! been a while…. how you!? :D

Sophief's avatar

@bean Nothing wrong with that, I’m 31 and I still don’t understand men and need to ask Fluther! Do you think he might be more infatuated with you rather that love you, at the moment?

Steve_A's avatar

@bean I am thinking, and I hate trying to seem like a pessimistic asshole or something but I will say it, I don’t relate or keep friends around who I don’t like or respect. Guy or girls.

Makes me wonder about this guy what hes really like.

Sophief's avatar

@Steve_A Think you have to be pessimistic in this world, or least until you are proven differently.

Steve_A's avatar

@bean I am just saying be careful how quickly you open yourself up to people in general, because if this guy is anything like your old bf it won’t go well.

But I could be completely wrong, who knows he could the perfect guy for you, and I hope he is.

Life just does not work that out often though…....

bean's avatar

@Steve_A it’s true, i should be careful D: haha, but yeah, it’s a good idea, like every one says, slow and properly get to know him…. but I’ll suss him out a bit…. and see what happens, but i’ll be careful! don’t worry!
you don’t respect me!? D: is that what your saying! D: nooooo dude!

Sophief's avatar

@Steve_A Was that meant for @bean ?

whitenoise's avatar

Ethics are about evaluating your actions on their intent and effect on yourself and others it is not so much defined by others.

Morals are societal codes on definitions of acceptable vs unacceptable behavor. Morals in the US differ drastically from those in Saudi Arabia, for instance. They do not necessarily reflect true fairness and honesty.

The dictionary says this :

You can be an ethical person without necessarily being a moral one, since ethical implies conformity with a code of fair and honest behavior, particularly in business or in a profession (: an ethical legislator who didn’t believe in cutting deals), while moral refers to generally accepted standards of goodness and rightness in character and conduct—especially sexual conduct (: the moral values she’d learned from her mother).

Steve_A's avatar

@bean What? I do respect you! :) I think your a bit innocent and true,honest which is good. But people tend to take advantage of others now a days it seems.Whether it be relationships or other things….

Maybe it because of my own life experiences so I can’t speak for anyone I suppose.

bean's avatar

@Steve_A awww….. I’m so oblivious, I wish you were here to help me out in person, cuz then we can hang out!!!! I’m so bad at these things hahaha

Steve_A's avatar

@bean If anything, I honestly don’t think theres much I can say…I don’t want to sound like I am lecturing you or some crap.I still hope this guys the real deal.

If I can give you any advice maybe would be to, “Look both ways, before crossing the road, always”

bean's avatar

@whitenoise Oooh! ok, so more like…. what i’m comfortable doing, do it, and depending what my intentions are (for fun or doing it to start a relationship) Just do what i think is right… ye?

@Steve_A I know him quite well…. I hope he’s the real deall too though…. you’ve given me some good pointers, so dont worry, thanks :)

life_after_2012's avatar

im sorry but there are over 3 billion woman in this world to pick from, im not going to go after anyone of my freinds ex-girlfreinds. personally i think jumping from relationship to relationship is stuff you do in highschool, but it should be out of your system when you graduate. i have really good freinds that i love to death and would never break there hearts anymore then they are all ready by maiking thier ex mygirlfreind, even if its 5 years later. ive caught my self in the past admirring my freinds girl more then i should , but i control it, because im a damn good freind and i pride my self on being loyal to my freinds, family, and s/o.

whitenoise's avatar

@bean pretty much so, yes

nicobanks's avatar

It sounds to me like he’s into you, you’re into him, you’re both available, go for it!

I don’t think I would consider you a slut for that, but I also want to point out – what’s wrong with being a slut?

Pcrecords's avatar

Your question has just been adapted into a charming ‘Junoesque’ movie. I’ll be in touch when the royalties start to pour in.

Seriously though it has all the signs of being a great relationship.

Talk to each other and if it feels right to make a move, go for it.

bean's avatar

@Pcrecords cool, thanks yeah if things go well and I’m feeling comfortable I’ll give it a go or something :) at the relationship and take things slow… and see where that leads

@nicobanks when I mean slutty I don’t want people to classify me as some one who people don’t respect, that kind of slutty….

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