General Question

princessbuttercup's avatar

How Do I Deal With A Flakey Friend?

Asked by princessbuttercup (200points) February 4th, 2010

Hi my best friend doesn’t answer her phone doesn’t like to return anyone’s phone calls etc. She’s kind of unpredictable and often unreliable. I got so frustrated I am just avoiding her now. What should I do?

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7 Answers

Spinel's avatar

An ideal starting point would be to confront her, and inquire as to what is going on. What’s happening? What went wrong? Is she avoiding you because she is to afraid to speak up on some issue? Or is she just tired of the friendship and trying to quietly weasel out of it?

She is either trying to let the friendship die, or is working through a hard time in her life. You won’t know which it is until you ask – directly.

If she is experiencing some hard circumstances, find out why she did not reveal and then support her. Or, if she is just freely letting the friendship slide, then it’s time for you to put an abrupt end to it. Such a one sided friendship will only drain you, and be of no benefit now or in the future.

augustlan's avatar

Has she always been this way? Some people just are… for no reason in particular. If that’s the case, she will never be any different. That’s not necessarily a bad thing… it’s just different than you. If you value the friendship, you’ve got to adjust your expectations to match the reality. Don’t rely on her, but you can still be friends with her.

SundayKittens's avatar

Good answers. It sounds like a maturity thing, too. She probably doesn’t realize she’s doing it. Being honest and caring about it may make her wake up.

Sophief's avatar

Sounds like your already doing, your avoiding her aren’t you? I am actually one of those people. If someone came to my door right now, I would not answer it, even if I knew them. My friend went on and on at me wanting me to go out with her, I was fed up with that, I have told her I have no interest in doing that. Anyway, she finally worked it out and stopped speaking to me. That wasn’t my intention and I did like the girl very much. I just like to keep to myself.

StephK's avatar

Some people are just introverts.

But if she truly is unpredictable/unreliable in the sense that she doesn’t attend to things in the present the maybe it would be a good idea to plan ahead with her. On Sunday evening, be like “Saturday from ___ to ____ is our time to ______.” Then remind her on Thursday or Friday.

Irishmar's avatar

I would think that if they are your friend, you just accept them, don’t try to change them, flakey, or not and choose the right times to be with the flake. Like I wouldn’;t go to a museum or a play with them, but maybe kareokee bar night insteard, ya dig?

sustainable_stability's avatar

friendships sometimes fluctuate, ebb, and flow. consider everything people have said and if you value the relationship, just be patient and supportive of her possible need for occasional space.

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