Social Question

SomNinja's avatar

Does the idea of a sex act with a sleeping person turn you on?

Asked by SomNinja (279points) February 8th, 2010

Somnophilia is the act of having sex with a sleeping person, or performing a sex act (i.e. oral sex) on them. Does this turn you on?

Has it ever happened to you or have you done it to anyone else?

For those who think this is morally wrong, what if it’s consentual between both partners?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

70 Answers

JONESGH's avatar

No. I would feel very uncomfortable. Just weird.

jazzjeppe's avatar

not really

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

it’s an interesting phenomenon – can’t say that I am feeling turned on by the concept, though.

SomNinja's avatar

Did any of you who’ve said ‘no’ fantasise about being Sleeping Beauty and being woken by a kiss from your Prince Charming?

Because if you did that’s a fantasy of this fetish…

CMaz's avatar

It makes me sleepy.

Trillian's avatar

No, but while I was still with my SO there were times that just looking at him while he was sleeping was enough to get me started. It always ended with him waking up though, and I recall waking up very pleasantly as well. I had forgotten about that…...

Mozart's avatar

No, not at all.

life_after_2012's avatar

Hell no. Thats like doing it with a cooked spaghetti noodle. Thats no fun. Im a loon for pillow talk anyhow

mammal's avatar

no, that’s frickin weird…........think i’ll stick with corpses, if it’s all the same

SomNinja's avatar

So you wouldn’t want to be woken up with oral sex?

ucme's avatar

You mean she’s supposed to stay awake..damn.

njnyjobs's avatar

NO…. I couldn’t even begin to function with SO awake, let alone asleep!

A person afflicted with this—-philia needs to get help.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

I did it (with her? to her? for her?—for myself, definitely!) in the tenth year of our marriage. She told me she had done it with me many times (with her hand only, I think, or even I would have woken up).

But I wouldn’t do it again without a certain knowledge ahead of time that it wouldn’t be enjoyed if she woke up in the middle of it—or wouldn’t mind being told about it in the morning. I’m sensitive to rape, as every man should be.

I don’t understand why the idea doesn’t turn people on, though—I hope I’m not just that weird.

Waking up in the middle of the night with a raging hard-on… and a sleeping wife with little or no bedclothes on a summer night. I just reach over and touch her to see if I can wake her to make this a mutual act… and she doesn’t wake up because she’s so sound asleep.

But her body responds to my touch, and… I respond more to her response. So I touch her more intimately.

Her body responds even more automatically, and I can tell because of where my fingers are, and what is now on them, that she is ready for the act. And though she doesn’t appear to be awake—her breathing hasn’t changed, unless it has gotten deeper , it’s still just as regular as before. And she seems to be smiling, and her legs are definitely opening for me.

And so… I start. Tentatively, because I certainly don’t want to hurt her if she’s not perfectly ready, and I don’t want to wake her from her dream, if that’s what she thinks this is, but I know that if she were awake she’d be totally willing and wanting, so… there’s no reason not to.

So I position myself, and her body continues to respond. This is totally natural. Other than the fact that she’s not speaking words to me, the unspoken dialog between us is perfectly natural.

She claimed in the morning not to know anything, but she was smiling all day. We did it twice the next night as I told her about the previous night.

Hell yes, I’d do it again.

DominicX's avatar

I’m not really interested in this (mainly because I don’t like the idea of doing something sexual with someone without them knowing, even if it is my boyfriend), but I’ll admit that my boyfriend sleeping is pretty adorable. :)

I don’t see anything wrong with it as long as the person’s okay with it.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

Whomever of us was asleep never remained asleep though. We often went at it in a semi-wakeful state. As @CyanoticWasp said, its natural with many couples.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

I recall in Time Enough for Love by Robert A. Heinlein there was a recurring theme of WMUTBW: “wake me up the best way” between one of the primary couples. Maybe that’s where I got the idea. I thought it was a good idea; she thought it was a hell of an idea.

JeanPaulSartre's avatar

Apparently not.

Trillian's avatar

I’m with @CyanoticWasp . Although I don’t have the equipment for any type of hard-on, much less a raging one. I can remember waking up and looking at him and just.. overpowered with wanting him. It never occurred to me that I was weird. I felt “This is mine, I want it, I’m taking it.” He woke up hard but I had to get it that way. Took some time but I knew how and where to touch. It was wonderful being that close to someone. Being that intimate, knowing that I could reach out and touch, feel him respond, wake up and tighten his arms around me. I know I loved waking up to him the couple of times he started while I was asleep.
Color me such a freak I guess…

CyanoticWasp's avatar

I would like to be with @Trillian.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Only if we’re wearing helmets ;)

Trillian's avatar

Wow. (Puts hands in pockets, hangs head sheepishly, kicks a stone.) Thanks guys. Remembering that makes my knees weak, and I have to remind myself why I had to leave him. I have to say that the night time activities were a really good argument to stay, and if I were to base my decisions solely on that, I’d still be with him, though I’d probably homeless along with him, shuffling down the sidewalk in my bathrobe.

SomNinja's avatar

Helmets @ lucillelucillelucille ?

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t care—helmets or no helmets—door’s always open to you, @Trillian ;-)

Silhouette's avatar

Nope,boring. <snore>

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@CyanoticWasp Yes. it was the character Maureen (mother of the whole Lazarus Long crew).

wilma's avatar

@CyanoticWasp has reminded me of some fun waking up times,and…

next time I’m gonna pretend to stay asleep and just go with it!

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@wilma, where are you planning to sleep tonight, by the way?

SomNinja's avatar

I’ve been in two relationships where my partner allowed me to have sex with them in thier sleep.

Early on in both relationships we spoke briefly to each other and gave each other permission to ‘do what you want while I’m asleep’. There is a preference to wake each other up before we cum… but that’s not quite so clear cut.

You see, we don’t really speak about whether we were really asleep or just pretending. For certain both of us HAVE woken up during because we reacted and had more normal (if sleepy) sex. But I know I’ve also pretended to be asleep, as has she, because I remember one morning her whispering in my ear “I pretended to be asleep…”

Hot as Hell!

The best times (for me as the Giver) are definitely when there is a long and slow build-up: moving my hands over her body, listening to her breathing… maybe moving her slightly to allow access… carefully and quietly sucking on my fingers and then making sure she’s really wet for me… These times I sometimes barely slide the tip in before I orgasm.

wilma's avatar

@CyanoticWasp in my bed with my hubby, but feel free to think about this lil’ conversation if you like. ;)

and @SomNinja I like that you said “Hot as Hell”, lurve for that!

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

No. Whoever likes this idea is probably in need of some therapy.

CMaz's avatar

I think in the case of the sleeping person, the idea of a naked sleeping person.
Ya know… They are sleeping and you are watching them, and they don’t know it.
It is sort of voyeuristic.
But, I also see it more as a prelude to rape play.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@wilma hey, I can be adventurous and open to new experiences… or we could just let him sleep.

AstroChuck's avatar

Well, yeah. I mean how else am I supposed to get any?

absalom's avatar

Yeah, kinda, but only if it means I can wake him up with some kind of pleasant surprise.

SomNinja's avatar

@ChazMaz I can see the tie-in (up?) with rape play, but for me at least the motivations and thrills are totally different.

The idea of doing it with a stranger don’t appeal at all. But someone I know and love? Someone I know intimately already – so I know how their breathing changes when they’re turned on… how their heart beats. Giving someone an orgasm in their sleep is a very intense experience.

Your average rape play will also be rough and forced – but somnophilia is the opposite, with the lightest and merest of touches needed. Personally, I think that’s what makes this fetish predomninatly a female one, because most men find it impossible to keep that softness and tenderness through sex, and have to get rougher to get themselves off.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@SomNinja no, I’m with you on the “softness” thing. With me, at least for the one time that I’m writing about, it was like you described it: it could have been over before it began, because I was so hot. But I deliberately took my time and made it a tantric thing to withhold… and withhold… and withhold… for nearly a half-hour. (Or maybe it was just ten minutes; I certainly wasn’t timing it. It certainly seemed to take forever. In a very good way.)

wilma's avatar

I think the point here is that you know that your partner is OK with it.
I have been awakened by suggestive actions and said or indicated “not now” and that was the end of it; no harm, no foul.
If I was told, “hey don’t ever do that to me”, I never would; or if I said, “don’t do that to me”,
he wouldn’t.
It’s nothing at all like rape, or necrophilia. eww sick.
It is consensual and wanted.

@Trillian I have awakened from a dream with the equivalent of a raging hard on, and it’s time like this that I…. well, you already said it. ;)

Blackberry's avatar

I had a woman that wanted me to do it, she even took sleeping pills…..I’m not into it, but I still do usually anything if a partner asks.

Scarlett's avatar


Haha yes I have and do get turned on…......I don’t know why…. it’s strange,...

When my ex used to get sleepy, or fall asleep, it used to turn me a lot on! I don’t know, but I wasn’t too into him either(relationship lasted 4 months)),

but I think when people get sleepy, or the other person is asleep, it’s more of a relaxed state…

Like I said I don’t know…

A lot of people on here are saying no, but to me yeah it is sort of a turn on….but then again I am a little bit on the eccentric side….

deni's avatar

whats the point? seems like a waste of time and effort, and pleasure for the other person. why not just wake them up?

Blackberry's avatar

@deni Some do like to wake up during, they like the feeling of waking up to thrusts I guess lol.

CMaz's avatar

Yea! Wake them up and put them to work!

deni's avatar

sounds CREEPY. also i’m not really understanding how you could not wake up when a dick is being inserted into you. i mean, clearly while you’re sleeping you’re not “in the mood” how that can even be comfortable is beyond me….i dont get it.

casheroo's avatar

How does one stay asleep during sex?

I love waking my husband up this way, and I love it when I wake up to him touching me as well. I don’t think anymore could happen, since we’d both wake up.

Trillian's avatar

@deni I think it’s all about the relationship. I would never have dreamed of this with my ex husband. I woke up once with him hammering away at me and did not enjoy it at all. It has more to do with how you feel about your partner, I guess. I was with my SO for two years and there was never a time that I wouldn’t have dropped everything I was doing for some intimacy or even just a close kiss and hug. So, yeah, his ass was not in the mood while he was sleeping but I damn sure put it in the mood a few times. Of course, he told me more than once that I was like a man as far as being aggressive. I don’t know how true that is. I just know that there were times that I woke up aroused and opted for plan “B” as to what to do with that arousal. I’d give much to be that close with someone again.

CMaz's avatar

“clearly while you’re sleeping you’re not “in the mood””

If they are “really” sleeping… Wink… Wink…

Axemusica's avatar

In past relationships I’ve often awoke to being already in the act as if I was already there. She seemed coherent, since it was usually their breathing in my ear or moaning that woke me. I remember one time I literally was doing the work in my sleep. When the steamy sweaty hotness was over I asked, “How did this start?” I wasn’t complaining, but I was part of it as if I had already agreed to it.

I’ve never had initiated acts on my sleeping partners that’s I’m aware of, but the idea does sound kind of hot, but like @CyanoticWasp said, “I’m sensitive to rape, as every man should be.” That’s always a boner breaker for me. Although, I’d welcome being woken up by a blow job or being ridden. I’ve just been out of the relationship loop for quite sometime, so none of this sounds applicable to me.

I guess if it’s clear between both involved that this kind of play is ok, then I don’t see anything wrong with it and I hope one day in the future when I’m in a relationship again, lol, that we’ll get to have sleeping adventures, haha.

delirium's avatar

I absolutely ABSOLUTELY love waking guys up to blowjobs.

Literally that is one of my favorite things ever. I… haven’t ever asked permission before. I figure if it’s hard, that’s permission enough. Plus, if I were to ask, it wouldn’t be such a delightful surprise.

I especially like this if I have to get him up at a certain time. Because if I’m waking him up anyways, he might as well be really happy about it.

ninjacolin's avatar

sounds like fun, but consensualatiousness required.

TheLoneMonk's avatar

Ms. Monk loves being wakened with some gentle head.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@delirium I can’t imagine the circumstances that would make it happen (December 2012, maybe?), but if we ever end up in a bed together and I’m hard, you absolutely have my explicit permission. Do you have a form that I can sign and have notarized or anything?

RAWRxRandy's avatar

If my BF was into it and didnt mind me…then sure :D

JLeslie's avatar

No. But, I do like sleepy sex.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. Do these people sleep like rocks? I can’t imagine some gals sleeping through a face job with a stiff c*** in her mouth and a jaw full of spunk….......

Dan_DeColumna's avatar

To be honest, I always wanted to wake up my S/O by giving her oral. shrugs



Violet's avatar

The idea of someone having sex with me sounds hot. I’d love to wake up to being f***ed

wundayatta's avatar

Sounds like fun. I’ve never done it or had it done to me.

I would not try to force anyone to have sex with me. I wouldn’t try to manipulate them to do it. I only want sex when my partner is fully as interested as I am. I’m ready any time. She is almost never ready. She likes back rubs and foot massages and I am happy to provide them. Of course, they put us both to sleep.

SomNinja's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central I’ve never tried doing that and to be honest, in my relationship I think that would be overstepping the mark! Vaginal intercourse this way is fine – slipping into her mouth or anus is not! We haven’t even spoken about that, but I don’t think we need to.

I should also say that in both of these somnophilic relationships, we’ve both been very active with ‘normal’ sex, and this stuff was kept as a rare treat.

It’s so much more special that way…

casheroo's avatar

I love how @delirium answered like she does this with any guy. It’s just cracking me up.

wundayatta's avatar

@casheroo Oh please, stop spoiling the fantasy…. :-)

Scarlett's avatar

What delirium said !!


SomNinja's avatar

@Scarlett and @delirium

How would you feel if he put it in your mouth whilst you slept?

Scarlett's avatar

I’d be fine with it. I’m so in love with my boyfriend and we are both very sexual people….

Doing anything with him anytime of the day would be fine.

If I was really upset one day, lets say I just got fired from a job and came home from work upset and pissed, He would KNOW to give me space, and if that day I fell asleep he wouldn’t put his cock in my mouth, just because we respect eachother and I told him earlier I was feeling shitty and wanted to be alone….

But that rarely happens and even if I was in a bad mood being with him makes me feel better…..

So yes in answer to your question I wouldn’t mind

Berserker's avatar

It doesn’t particularly turn me on, but that has nothing to do with morality. Whatever floats your boat, as long as those involved are fine with it.

No, I prefer the idea of being swallowed by a chair.

delirium's avatar

@casheroo Not any guy, just the ones I’m sleeping with already. ;)

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther