Social Question

Haleth's avatar

How do you find kindred spirits?

Asked by Haleth (19518points) February 13th, 2010

I have a lot of friends, but I feel very alone lately. Even with my best friend or my boyfriend, I probably only feel comfortable discussing about 50% of what’s on my mind with them. It feels like I have this vast reservoir of thought that I can’t share with anyone because they wouldn’t “get” it- what I’m thinking is too touchy-feely, artsy, weird, or emotional to talk about. I lost a close friend a while back who understood almost everything, but we were so different that we had trouble getting along. Ugh. What is this that I’m feeling? I feel so creative and pent-up, but really isolated, and I just want to talk to someone who’s on the same wavelength. Has anyone else ever felt this way?

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8 Answers

Jeruba's avatar

Yes. Most of my life.

thriftymaid's avatar

I think they find you.

augustlan's avatar

I’d never had anyone in my life that I could talk to about the really deep stuff until I was lucky enough to meet a few guys (through work) that were philosophy hounds. We worked at a lawn care company, of all places! That really fulfilled a huge void in my life, and fired up parts of my brain that had been dormant for years. I ended up marrying one of those guys, too. :) After that, I found a lot more of them right here. The first day I signed on to this site, I felt like I’d found ‘my people’ at long last.

Even now, though, there isn’t any one person that I talk about everything with. My life is a little more compartmentalized, and necessarily so. My best friend in the world is great for conversation about lots of things, but says I’m too deep for her sometimes. My husband is great for philosophy and ‘big picture’ stuff, but not so much with the minutiae. Probably the closest I get is with my children. Ranging in age from 12 to almost 16, our conversations run the gamut. Silly and fun to esoteric and important, all in the space of one car ride.

Your_Majesty's avatar

Best friend is someone who will accept you the way you are. Not every single person on this earth will have the same emotion,talent,ideology,etc,etc. Do not fear to tell your trusted friend about your sensitive feeling and whatever you wish to say. A good friend will listen and help you through your problems as good as he/she could. If someone abandon you just because you told him/her about your feeling(you might be a bit too sentiment,but that isn’t bad at all) then you must leave such friend who is not really your FRIEND!. Although I must admit it is much more easier to befriend someone who has more ‘something in common’ with you. You can’t share your personal enjoyment and happiness with someone who is so different from you and you won’t get honest respond most of the time.

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the100thmonkey's avatar

I don’t really think you find people per se; it’s more like you stumble upon them, often not realising their value initially.

The way I see it, the best way to find kindred spirits is to maximise your exposure to people who do the same things as you.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

You find each other :))

shadling21's avatar

Are you sure the people you have in your life now would shut you out? You could slowly work your way to those topics that you really want to discuss and see. I’ve done this before, and people have surprised me with their acceptance.

If you don’t want to talk to them… That’s tough. Maybe it’s time to start a journal. Talk to yourself. I think you will, like @the100thmonkey described, “stumble upon” someone who can help you out. For now, you may need to do things alone.

@augustlan makes a good point, too. Sometimes no one person can be your kindred spirit. You offer different bits to different people.

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