Social Question

Sophief's avatar

Ever had a partner that was way out of your league?

Asked by Sophief (6681points) February 18th, 2010

I was just answering a question that thejoker had asked and, I thought how many of us are with someone that is ‘way out of our league’?

Previous boyfriends haven’t been out of my league, but I feel my current partner is way out of my league. Does that make you appreciate them more? Or do you think that no one is out of your league?

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50 Answers

partyparty's avatar

No male is out of my league. They are all ‘fair game’ Ha ha!!

BoBo1946's avatar

What is your difinition of “out of my league?”

You should not feel inferior to anyone…male or female!

partyparty's avatar

@BoBo1946 Couldn’t agree with you more my friend… hence my answer

Sophief's avatar

@BoBo1946 Someone that you feel is too good for you. Too good looking for you. Someone who should be with someone more better.

BoBo1946's avatar

@Dibley ummm…well, think you are shorting yourself on this on Dibley! Self esteem is very important.

EdMayhew's avatar

Haha, I know why you thought of this one, so you know what my answer is going to be, but yes, I am/do!
Not because of self confidence issues or anything, just the fact that while I’m hardly unpleasant looking, I don’t have a chiselled jaw/six pack, and if you saw the girl I’m seeing you’d think she was someone from a magazine.

When I say ‘league’ it’s only in the looks department though. My friends always go ‘Hey Ed, how the hell do you always date such stupidly hot girls?’ and I have to remind them that it’s not all about looks. I am a good cook, a qualified massage therapist and a musician, so I give as much as I get!


BoBo1946's avatar

@EdMayhew GO Ed….that is cool!

OpryLeigh's avatar

@Dibley You said in that post about “types” that your boyfriend and yourself are perfect for each other. Surely that means he’s not out of your league?

In answer to your question, I don’t think I have ever thought my boyfriend was out of my league because I feel that we are a great match. I’m not out of his league, he’s not out of mine.

TheJoker's avatar

@EdMayhew You are the new Fonz!

TheJoker's avatar

Both my current gf & my last were the type of woman that take your breath away they’re so beautiful… I, on the other hand, cause no such problems for women.
With my last gf it compounded a problem & helped make me become quite insecure about ‘us’. I’d not felt jealousy before so that came as something of a surprise. My current gf is a fair bit younger so I’m not taking it too seriously until I see how it pans out.

Aethelwine's avatar

I don’t see how someone could have a good relationship if they thought their partner was better than them. I completely agree with @BoBo1946 on this. Self esteem is very important. No one is better than you. We are all equals.

TheJoker's avatar

@jonsblond I understand where you’re coming from, but if no-one was better than anyone else, how do we explain all the people we know who’s partner is a litle shit & they could do better than. By default that means some people must be better than others.

BoBo1946's avatar

@jonsblond like my mother always said, “boy, you are not better than anyone else, but no one is better than you!” That was good advise.

Aethelwine's avatar

@TheJoker That piece of shit could be someone else’s dream. ;)

BoBo1946's avatar

@Dibley have one question for you! If this relationship does not work out, can you handle it? Seems to me, you setting yourself up. Again, the best quality, in my humble opinion a person can have, is being happy with themself. To be happy with yourself, you have to respect and like yourself. You are the most special person that you know. Think there has to be a little selfishness in every human being to be happy in this crazy World.

Tenpinmaster's avatar

I have been with a person that I found intimidating because their mental faculties were far superior to mine. It wasn’t a bad thing but because they were so above my intelligence grade, it made it hard to talk to them about normal stuff. It also made their personality very .. snobbish and uninteresting. I love smart ladies but if it meant that their personalities and spontaneousness has to suffer then It doesn’t really interest me to be with someone that is a genius of that magnitude.

ucme's avatar

@Leanne1986 Took the words right out of my mouth.In answer to your question,i’m in a committed long term relationship so I don’t “play the field.” Consequently we’re in the same league.I believe their is a stadium called Love Field, well that would be our home turf.

augustlan's avatar

In the looks department, yes. When I was about 17, I was engaged to a gorgeous guy. I was a fairly good looking girl, but this guy was freaking beautiful. Since I’d known him for a long time, it never really even occurred to me… until I noticed how other girls reacted to his looks. It did make me a little jealous, but it wasn’t a major deal. We broke up for reasons having nothing to do with looks.

Aethelwine's avatar

@augustlan I’ve seen your high school photo. You were/are a beautiful lady! :)

BoBo1946's avatar

@augustlan you answer stirred my poor memory! When i was a senior in high school, dated the best basketball player and the most beautiful girl in the county. She was AWESOME…well, at the time, I was the best male basketball player in the county. Perfect match..right…well, she intimidated me! I stopped dating her. Will always wonder could that have worked out. Anyway, she married a big fat guy…lmao!!! Who knows!!!

augustlan's avatar

@jonsblond Thanks! You’re pretty damn beautiful yourself!

pearls's avatar

I have had both where I thought I wasn’t in his league and vice versa.

aprilsimnel's avatar

“No matter how beautiful s/he is, somebody somewhere is sick of their shit.”

BoBo1946's avatar

@pearls yes…understood!

EdMayhew's avatar

@TheJoker & @BoBo1946 Haha, thanks, but hardly!


Jayy's avatar

I like the idea of ‘takes one to know one’. The concept of ‘out of my league’ instantly vapourises.

BoBo1946's avatar

@EdMayhew hardly what Ed?

EdMayhew's avatar

@BoBo1946 Either cool, or The Fonze! I just work hard that’s all :)

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Look at it this way. Don’t view life as a competitive challenge. We’re all on this rock we call earth together, so we’re all in the same league. We all have our strengths and weakness“s (Mine is spelling). But in the long run it’s the inner fire within a person that sets them apart.

Broken_Arrow's avatar

Yep. Stupidly

wundayatta's avatar

I wasn’t ever really with anyone who was out of my league. If they were out of my league, I never spoke to them in the first place.

There’s something that disturbs me about a theme on this thread. A number of people have said “get better self esteem” as if it was as easy as walking into a store and buying it. I think that people who have good self esteem probably have no clue what it’s like to think little of yourself, much less to think you are worthless scum who deserves to be homeless, hungry and cold.

Building self esteem is very difficult. Maybe extremely difficult. For me, it is an ephemeral thing that comes and goes as the weather changes. Sometimes I feel like I matter and I do good work, and sometimes I feel like people would be happier if I were dead.

It’s really weird and it makes me somewhat jealous. I see a lot of people in the A league, and I know I’m probably far more talented, intelligent and funny than they are, yet I’m down here in the C league. I’m so grateful to any woman who is willing to talk to me that I generally propose marriage in the next breath!

I’m sure you’ll be glad to know that as of now, I only have one wife! If I recall correctly, I knew I wanted to marry her after knowing her for three weeks, and I probably told her that within a month. It took her a couple of years before she agreed. I don’t consider her to be out of my league, but then, I also don’t consider her to be in my league. Go figure!

Of course, in the end, issues such as “in my league” or not are red herrings. They don’t matter. We only think they matter. If we never thought about it, it would be irrelevant. I have a morbid fascination with such concepts even though I know they hurt me. I know that I’m fine as long as I’m not comparing myself to anyone else. The instant I start comparing, I’m screwed.

You’d think I would stop comparing myself. I mean, I think I’m stupid to allow myself to be sucked in by comparison questions and yet, here I am, torturing myself with my sense of inadequacy. I don’t have to do it, so why do I? Honestly, I have no idea. Maybe I like the feeling of being tortured? I should have been one of those medieval monks—the kind that flagellate themselves all the time. Can anyone sell me a hair shirt?

john65pennington's avatar

Dibly, not me personally, but a friend that worked at Pizza Hut. she was dating this guy that had absolutely nothing going for him. he hung out all day with the boys and mooched off his mother for money and the use of the car. i attempted to tell her that she was way out of his league and needed to dump him. about 30 days later, it happened. she attempted to tell him goodbye, but this only created a hostile situation for her. i told her this would happen and to expect it. finally one night, he struck her in her face with his fist and the police were called. he was charged with assault and battery and a restraining order. this is sometimes what happens when you date someone thats way out of your league. she know this, now.

jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities's avatar

In terms of personality: No
In terms of attractiveness: Yes <Takes a moment to reminisce>

Even though she was the prettier one, I never felt inferior to her. I think it was because our personalities meshed so well, and both of us were equal partners in the relationship. I don’t think anyone should ever feel that their partner is better than them, it would be a recipe for a painful relationship.

Just_Justine's avatar

I don’t believe in league shit.

plethora's avatar

@aprilsimnel Truer words were never spoken…:)

Scooby's avatar

I was guilty of thinking it when I was younger with one particular girl, we met at a park fair when I was about 17–18 she was 23 but looked my age, when I found out her age I was a little insecure about it,, also she had a nice car which made me feel a little inadequate as I didn’t drive then, I then found out her father was a Doctor & Mother was a solicitor, so they had money :-/
made me feel very inadequate, she was working as a nanny, had a good education & was really into me!! I blew it!!! Simply because my mind kept telling me she was out of my league, my insecurities got the upper hand & I finished it, like the mad fool I was!! She did nothing wrong…….. I still kick myself to this day!! What a jerk!!! :-/
there’s a lesson here for all the young blokes out there, listen to your heart not your conscience…. Well if she’s rich & she’s into you, know what I’m saying!! :-/

Sophief's avatar

@Leanne1986 We are perfect, but I still adore him and realise what I have in him, and I am very lucky, he is out of my league, he is gorgeous, I am a very very lucky girl.

@TheJoker That’s so sweet, I feel like that about Paul. He is someone that somebody would 3, 4 times at, I on the other are not. I don’t mind that, but I do stand back and look at him and just that wow, that fine fine man is all mine.

@BoBo1946 If we broke up, no I wouldn’t be able to handle it, I wouldn’t know how. He is the other half of me.

@augustlan That is how I feel. My past boyfriends have all been, well, just men. My current partner is just amazing. Even now I cannot stop looking at him.

@wundayatta Your so right, I have very little self esteem, my partner knows this and tried to help as much as he can. Like you say, if someone hasn’t been there, then it is difficult to know.

CMaz's avatar

No one is too good for you if you are both in it TOGETHER.

phil196662's avatar

league??? The wife is so refined at writing and speaking English, Spanish and Hungarian that I thought she was out of my league when we met. There was just something about her that I liked before I knew the rest of the stuff and then I had a glass of wine one night and blurted I just don’t know if I am out of my own league being with you? and the wife responded I had dated so many men that were total jerks and didn’t know what they wanted in life and I didn’t want to be treated as a trophy so I got rid of them, then I discovered you were real and just wanted to experience life so I came back for more! ..

end- and now 15 years later…

Axemusica's avatar

“That is how I feel. My past boyfriends have all been, well, just men. My current partner is just amazing. Even now I cannot stop looking at him.”@Dibley That’s what I want. Well, the equivalent of anyway. I’ve never really had an amazing S/O or met one that struck me in that way and I think that’s why I’m not content all the time.

I’ve never really understood this “League” thing until I lived in Phoenix for 4 years. No matter what people say about everyone being equal or I’m human, they’re human it’s all completely true, but you have to factor in the fact that most of the world is divided due to status. When I got to Phoenix (Tempe to be specific) I noticed that most of the women I was attracted to (looks alone) all considered themselves to be out of my league. I would just be interested in talking to them to see if they were worth dating, but because I didn’t present myself as having some sort of status they weren’t even interested in that.

I think this League just means you have more options. If you’re in a higher league the world is your oyster. Lower leagues take what they can get. It’s all a bunch of bull and if the world was filled with unicorns and pixies, anyone and everyone would have the same chances with him/her, but it’s not that way. And it will never be that way until people see past these silly status’s and start following their heart. I know most of us would love for it to be so easy, but as history depicts, it’s just not looking that way.

Jack79's avatar

By definition if the person wants to be with you, then no, they’re not out of your league.

But I understand the question. There are certain things that we (as a society) consider to be positive traits when dating, the most characteristic one is beauty (for the simple reason that it’s the most obvious trait). I’ve been with amazingly gorgeous women, including a famous actress, and an extremely beautiful singer/composer who was also intelligent and rich and great fun to be with. The actress was a nice person, but always too busy (sometimes she wouldn’t answer the phone or write back and then apologize later that she was working). The composer turned out to be gay; I was the second man she tried in her life, so I guess I should be honoured, but at the same time she went back to dating women after me, so perhaps I shouldn’t.

Right now I am with someone who thinks I’m out of her league, but in reality I’m nothing but trouble, have gained a lot of weight in the last few years, sing only occasionaly and ran out of money, so in fact I’m lucky to have her.

It’s all a matter of perspective, about how we see not only the other person (whom we may consider better than us), but especially about how we see ourselves. And our own view of our worth (at least as far as dating is concerned) is extremely distorted and certainly nowhere near objective, so it’s hard to tell whether someone is really “out of your league”.

Finley's avatar

All of them were out of my league but for some odd reason or another they picked me but the last one.. well i was way out of his league.. but I sympathized and settled for shortly.

tinyfaery's avatar

If I got ‘em then they are obviously not out of my league.

plethora's avatar

@tinyfaery Exactly right, and succinct!!!!

clioi's avatar

no i’m the shit.

evandad's avatar

Physically, yes. Many of them. I prefer it that way.

tranquilsea's avatar

I don’t believe in leagues either. I’ve met some very kind, funny, generous guys who are in low level jobs. I’ve met some higher power guys that are just jerks.

Pasadena's avatar

This answer is for any girl who ain’t hot. I’ve been out of a girl’s league I was with, but I didn’t feel that way by the time I was with her. Incidentally, I had a modeling scout from a major modeling agency approach me recently and she gave me her card and told me I should consider modeling (I’m a guy). I say that just so I don’t sound delusional when I say I’m good looking. To continue: I’ve dated stunning girls. And (like every good looking guy) I’ve also had lots of unattractive girls have huge crushes on me. And I’ve condescendingly thought, “How sweet, I’m flattered, but I’m way out of her league. So nothing is ever going to happen. Poor deluded girl. Back off.” But I ended up spending time with these unattractive girls, in incidental encounters. And over weeks and weeks I learned that they were very kind and charming and good-humored (and the fact that they were so attracted to me made me more attracted to them). And with at least four different girls who I initially thought of as unattractive, something clicked in me at one point, where I became madly attracted to these girls, and ended up having really great relationships with them. And once that “click” in my head suddenly made them attractive in my mind, I couldn’t even relate to my initial mindset that “I’m out of her league. No way. Back off.” If you really want a good looking guy and you’re not a good looking girl, spend time with him (even enough incidental “I’ll walk with you to class,” encounters can get you started getting inside his heart) and be charming and warm and make him laugh. This obviously won’t work with every good looking guy, but try it with a few good looking guys, and one will likely fall for you after you’ve grown on him and get involved with you, and be happy he did. Again, if you’re not hot, be charming and fun and attentive and patient and persevering with a good looking guy, and one day that “click” in his head very well might happen that will suddenly turn you into someone he’s fantasizing about kissing…and more. And both your fantasies will soon happen for real.

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