General Question

Draconess25's avatar

Would cybering while you're in a relationship be considered cheating?

Asked by Draconess25 (4448points) April 6th, 2010

Some emo French guy wanted to cyber, & my girlfriends & I agree that he’s hot. They don’t care, but we’re just wondering if it would be considered cheating.

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32 Answers

FutureMemory's avatar

I guess it depends on his definition of cybering. Does it go beyond discussing cutting, bad hairdo’s, bad music and lots of eye makeup?

Seriously though I wouldn’t like it if my girl did such a thing, but I’m not sure I would necessarily call it cheating. It’s disrespectful and tasteless in my opinion, definitely.

Disc2021's avatar

Well I always say, put yourself in the reverse. Would you care if your boyfriend was secretly cybering with hot women?

If your answer is “no, not at all” – then perhaps it’s something to discuss with your boyfriend. Some would say “yes, it’s cheating” and others would say “no, it’s not” – but what matters is where it falls in your own unique relationship with someone.

lilikoi's avatar

Depends on how you and the person you are with define cheating.

Judi's avatar

Yes. (if cybering is what I think it is.)
Why don’t you ask your boyfriend if HE thinks it’s cheating?

chels's avatar

If you have to ask, the answer is more than likely yes.

thriftymaid's avatar

You must know the answer since you are asking the question.

tragiclikebowie's avatar

In my book, yes.

Trillian's avatar

I wouldn’t want a man with whom I was in a relationship doing such a thing. It takes your attention away from the man you’re with, does it not? Risque talk and double entendres are inappropriate face to face or in cyber space if they’re not directed towards your SO. IMO.

Draconess25's avatar

…................................................................
Girlfriends, as in we’re dating. They know about the guy…...

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Similar to @FutureMemory, it’s not physical cheating but it is emotional involvement kept secret from your partner. It’s disrespectful to the exclusivity of your relationship (assuming it exists to begin with).

Trillian's avatar

“Would cybering while you’re in a relationship be considered cheating?” You’re the one who said you were in a relationship. Are you saying that you’re in a relationship with multiple girls? I don’t care, don’t think this is a judgement here, I just want to clarify…
So, you and your “girlfriendsssss” want to engage in cybersex with a hot guy. Is that correct? You are all in a relationship and want to fool around together online with this hot guy. Is that what you’re saying?

Disc2021's avatar

@Draconess25 Sorry for misinterpreting that, ha.

If they know and they’re cool with it – how/why would you be cheating?

njnyjobs's avatar

If the intent is simply for entertainment and especially with your friends around, then I would say No. . . If you involve yourself too much to the point that you obssess over it, then you may have a problem.

TankyouBerrymuch's avatar

Is Cybering having virtual sex? I mean, is it just talking nasty?

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Cybering
Exchanging dirty talk- most partners aren’t okay with you taking this to someone other than them.

Exchanging pics- most partners aren’t okay with you showing someone else what they think is private between the two of you.

Web camming- talk, masturbation, posing, etc- most partners aren’t okay with you showing what they think is private between the two of you.

TankyouBerrymuch's avatar

Wow, webcam stuff? That is going way too far if you ask me!

syzygy2600's avatar

just throwing out my own two cents, yes, it is cheating.

Exhausted's avatar

It’s not necessarily the casual banter than usually occurs in the beginning, it’s where it inevitibly ends up. You may think you won’t go there, but you’ve already said you think he’s hot, so he’s definately not putting himself out there for casual conversation. Yes it’s cheating!

wonderingwhy's avatar

Here’s the thing, if you can’t tell your s/o what you’re doing, it’s probably wrong. My point being, it’s not so much what you or we think but what s/he thinks.

My opinion, no. My wife’s opinion, no (she likens it, more or less, to porn).

squirbel's avatar

Girl to girl – yes [it’s cheating]. Don’t do it if you love your beau.

Hexr's avatar

It’s a form sexual activity with someone else, not your partner, therefore I believe it’s cheating

Neizvestnaya's avatar

There is such a thing as emotional cheating where you’re giving your time, imagination and arousal to someone other than your SO and if they find out then there will most likely be a lot of hurt and undermining of their belief in you. They’re going to wonder why you aren’t flirting with them, sex texting them, exchanging pics with them. They’re going to feel less desireable than you’ve let on, they’re going to wonder why they aren’t good enough, sexy enough, loving enough, etc. It’s a big bowl of shite stew but go ahead and do it if you need the thrill that bad to chance your partner may never look into your eyes quite the same.

filmfann's avatar

Would you be able to tell your bf about it? If you are keeping it a secret, it’s cheating.

YARNLADY's avatar

I agree with @filmfann, if you discuss it freely with the boyfriend, and he’s OK with it, you aren’t cheating. If you have to do it in secret, it’s cheating.

filmfann's avatar

@YARNLADY You’re agreeing with me? Let me rethink my position. Something must be wrong.

wundayatta's avatar

Obviously, it depends on your agreement with your significant other(s).

In general, most people consider relationships with SOs to be exclusive. They feel cheated by anything that takes their partner’s emotional and/or sexual energy away from them. This includes porn, cybering, camming, and any form of any deep attachment with someone who isn’t the SO.

Anyway, I’m sure you knew this. Why were interested in what people thought?

MorenoMelissa1's avatar

I have a great fiance whom I love and care about, I have no desire to cyber. Why go for a picture of a steak when you have a real one?

j0ey's avatar

Hell Yes, its cheating.

How would you feel if your partner was cybering with a “hot emo french chick”.

…..some how I dont think you would be too pleased.

YARNLADY's avatar

@filmfann We have actually agreed several times on Fluther : – )

CodePinko's avatar

Such terms should be discussed by the couple early in the relationship.

wasky9's avatar

If I found my bf or hubby cybering on the net.. It would be grounds for divorce or breakup. I feel it is cheating. They are wanting to be with someone else obviously and desperately seeking a way to do so. That is not right.

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