General Question

hy5nmc's avatar

Do I just stay friends with a guy I've been dating and really like when he just wants friendship?

Asked by hy5nmc (72points) April 11th, 2010

We’ve been chatting since Jan, been on a few dates but he wants to keep it as friends with the view that it may develop into something else later. I really like him and value his friendship but I think it may be too hard. Should I just move on?

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15 Answers

FishGutsDale's avatar

Alot of good relationships stem from good friendships…

loser's avatar

Move on. It sounds like he’s just keeping you waiting in the wings. If he really wanted more he would have pushed for it by now.

Violet's avatar

It sounds like he’s just stringing you along, and just playing games. I think you should try to move on. Once you have gotten over you, then maybe you can try to be friends again. Trying to be friends with him now, may end up hurting you and make it harder for you to move on. If you take some time away from him, you’ll be able to get over him and meet new people (if that’s what you want to do). I think by staying friends with him, you’re just going to end up jealous, and depressed.

j0ey's avatar

It is possible that it will develop into more down the line. Just don’t put everything on hold for him. Chat with other people, date other people, find yourself in a relationship with someone else if the right person comes along…..and just keep talking to this guy as friends.

You can wait for someone, without putting your life on hold for them. If its meant to be, its meant to be…if its not, its not.

You are not going to be any less attractive to him if you appear to be “moving on”, and you will appear no more attractive to him if you appear to be “holding on”.

If you really love who he is, keep him in your life…and who knows maybe you’ll get married in 5 years time, or maybe you’ll just have another good friend you care about.

EdgeoftheUniverse's avatar

If you feel like you can tough it out without cracking at some point and making a fool of yourself then go for it. If it’s too much to deal with then take your leave.


They don’t think its worth much if its too easy to get.

Hope it works out!

thriftymaid's avatar

If all he wants is friendship, your choices are friendship or nothing. It takes two to have a relationship, but it only takes one to end it.

shalom's avatar

I think you shouldn’t expect too much from him since he’s made it very clear. When a girl says keep it as friends she means she appreciates your qualities but when a guy says that it means he’s not interested and is not likely to be but he just doesn’t want to hurt your feelings because you’re not a nasty person.

partyparty's avatar

Just be his friend for now, if you are able to cope with his wishes. He obviously doesn’t want to rush things. Perhaps he has been let down in the past.
My SO is my best friend. This is the way we started out – by being best friends.

dpworkin's avatar

Well, like, Marsha was talking to Lily and she goes “He’s just stringing her along,” so Liliy goes, “Like, no way, dude,” so like Marsha goes. “Way!” So I’m not sure.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

This is hard to answer. Either he likes you as a person, but not as a romantic interest, or he’s not ready for a level of commitment to you. Either way, you’re not in the same place. If he’s thinking “friends with benefits” then you need to move on because he’s waiting for someone “better” than you to come along. If he’s thinking “just friends” and you think you can handle that, then stay friends, but look for someone else as boyfriend material.

Either way, for whatever reason, he’s not interested in you in a romantic way. You just don’t ring bells for him.

wonderingwhy's avatar

That’s always tough. You can never discount a truely dear friend, and at least in my experience, they’re few and far between – though I just get the sense that level of friendship isn’t on the menu here. It’s also particularly hard to watch someone you have feelings like that for to end up with someone else when you’re standing right there. My gut tells me, unless he is willing to take the lead and genuinely uphold his end of the friendship without asking for anything more in return, you should move on and save yourself some heartache.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I like @Violet s advice. You need to make a clean break now to get your feelings sorted out. Once you have gotten over the infatuation, a normal friendship might be possible.

john65pennington's avatar

Have you ever heard the phrase, “you want it more, because you can’t have it?”. this fits your situation.

Give it time. still be friends, but do not seem overbearing to want a relationship with this person. he may have had a past relationship that was bad and does not want to hurry into something new, until the past is truly the past for him.

How much time? 30 days should be enough for you to see a difference. if not, like the others have said, move on to someone else.

hy5nmc's avatar

Thanks guys for all your comments, I do appreciate it very much. I just wish that he had said that’s all he wanted sooner that’s all. I will see how it goes – I’m thinking that he may not actually want me as a friend anyway and that it was a polite way of saying goodbye.
What do you think?

rahm_sahriv's avatar

I would just remain his friend, but I would invest in it too much. Go out, talk with other guys, date other guys.

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