Social Question

pinkgirl02's avatar

Does age really matter?

Asked by pinkgirl02 (257points) April 20th, 2010

i have been seeing my boyfriend for 7 years now he was 33 when we met and i was 18 , i am now 26 and he will be 41 next month we get on really well ,although we do row alot and he keeps saying maybe i would be better off with someone my own age is he trying to tell me something?

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40 Answers

BoBo1946's avatar

just a number!

Sophief's avatar

Age doesn’t matter at all, unless your are making it an issue, are you?

pinkgirl02's avatar

no i have told him i am not bothered about the gap and he said dont u ant to be with someone my own age i just dont know if its bothering him

mowens's avatar

Age? No. Experience? Yes.

john65pennington's avatar

I have answered many police calls and have discovered that in a relationsip between two people, age difference has no limitations. a 50 year old man was living with a 22 year old woman and they were extremely happy. you guys have been together for seven years and by now, you should be able to interpret his meaning. if you two are still happy with each other, then he may just be offering you an out in your relationship, if you are not. sounds like he is “testing the waters” with you. if you still feel the same about him, give him some encouraging words that you still care. men are just this way.

Sophief's avatar

@pinkgirl02 Maybe his friends are teasing him about it? Or he might be worried about what others think? You need to tell him that as long as you both don’t care about the age gap, then that is all that matters. Everyone else doesn’t count.

pinkgirl02's avatar

he always says i want u to meet my parents but it never comes off i think the age is worrying him alot but he just gives hints like that why dont he tell me

Your_Majesty's avatar

Maybe he thinks you don’t like the gap between your age with him. Or maybe he thinks it would be better for you to live with someone with the appropriate age. You just need to tell him that you don’t care about all of that,and you happy to live with him the way he is.

Zen_Again's avatar

7 years! Put a ring on it.

Sophief's avatar

@pinkgirl02 Sounds like you could be right. What others think obviously bothers him a great deal. Once his parents meet you and see how much you love each other then he’ll probably relax.

pinkgirl02's avatar

we dont live together yet we have talked about moving in together but again he just saying all this and it never comes off

Likeradar's avatar

There seems to be a lot wrong with this relationship.

I would question the intentions, mental health, and maturity of a 33 year old man who wants a relationship with a teenager.

I would question any person who tells their SO they want to take a step like meeting the parents, but then delays it for seven years.

Mostly, I would question any person who is trying to make their SO aware of possible drawbacks to their relationship. It seems like he’s trying to tell you the age difference is too much. You didn’t say you had a conversation about it once or twice. You said he “keeps” bringing it up. Yet another red flag.

edit: By “question” the maturity, etc of a man in a relationship with a teenager, I mean just that. I know it can work and be healthy, but I would still have concerns.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Age is a general indication of life experience and maturity both physical and emotional. In general, yes, age can matter. Maybe you are both of the same maturity level but since you are very young and he is approaching middle age, there will be some differences. Age, like anything in a relationship, does matter. Even if it doesn’t matter to either of you, it will matter to other people and that can make things difficult for you and your boyfriend.

Also, as @Likeradar said, why haven’t you met his parents yet? Seven years is far too long for anyone not to meet an SO’s parents.

pinkgirl02's avatar

to be honest i dont know what he wants i love him he said he loves me and he wants us to move in together and get married but it dont happen over night yet we have be going out together 7 years so im confused

Sophief's avatar

While I disagree a little with @Likeradar, she also makes a lot of sense in her last paragraph, maybe you should bring that up in your relationship.

pinkgirl02's avatar

maybe hes just using me and nothing will ever happen

JeffVader's avatar

Well, only he can say what his motivation is….. I mean now your 26 it really should matter less, frankly when you were 18, that was more than a little dodgy….. My concern is that perhaps the truth is that you’re now getting a little too old for his tatses.

Likeradar's avatar

@pinkgirl02 You’re with a man who seems to be ok with keeping you around for as long as possible without making any real steps to a committed, long term life together. Anyone can say they want to do anything. You should consider him as a partner in terms of what he’s done, not what he’s said he wants or will do.

In other words… you just might be getting played big time, and if so, you’re allowing it to happen. Seven years and not meeting the parents? Come on!

Also: Have you met his friends? Been to his work functions? Have a key to his home? Are there restrictions on when he can see you or when you can call him?

josie's avatar

Probably. Seven years is a long time to hang around without some kind of long range plan

Sophief's avatar

@pinkgirl02 I doubt he’s using you for 7 years. Tell him how much it means to you to meet his parents, and then if he says no, ask him if he is ashamed of the age difference. He really shouldn’t be caring about what others think.

pinkgirl02's avatar

we have been off and on over the last seven years because like i said we do row alot but hes the one who always comes back first so i dont know if he does love me for real or not

Lightlyseared's avatar

Only if you’re buying alcohol.

CMaz's avatar


softtop67's avatar

I dont think the issues in the relationship are age related. If he were 28 and didnt take you to meet his parents for 7 years, this would be a red flag, so it should also be at 41. From your comments I feel the age difference is just an excuse and you should deal with the relational issues as if you both were the same age. After 7 years you are well aware of the compatibility between the two of you and if your different level of life experience is a deal breaker

JLeslie's avatar

@pinkgirl02 Wow, you changed your age again. Yesterday you started dating him when you were 17. You already know my answer, I would bet money he has not been faithful and waiting for you to be willing to have sex for 7 years when he has been sexually active previously. 17 and even 18, when he is 33 is ick to me. 17 is a teenager, there is a big difference in a girls body and mind from the ages of 18 to 25, at 33 he is a grown man.

Now you are saying that he is telling you might be better off with someone else, and yeasterday you asked a question about losing your virginity with him? Is that why you are considering having sex, to keep him interested?

It sounds bad all around if it is all true. I empathasize with your situation, because I figure there really is a situation that you are having trouble with, and it is emotionally difficult for you, but this will not turn out positive in the end I predict.

Love_or_Like's avatar

Its just a number. A number that mean how long you been on earth. But A number is just a number.

Disc2021's avatar

It depends on how two (or more) people are defining their unique relationship and the standards they have placed. Some people just couldn’t see themselves with some old enough to be their father (me being one of them). Some people easily put that thought aside. It matters or doesn’t matter to the people involved in a relationship.

Perhaps he’s conscious of the age difference and maybe a little insecure. If you’re happy with him, tell him to take comfort in that fact.

plethora's avatar

i’m thinking a knowledge of punctuation and grammar is more important than age in this case.

pinkgirl02's avatar

im asking for advice i am not asking to be taught english.

blah123's avatar

why dont you talk to him ..confront him… maybe being honest will help… tell him how exactly you feel

JLeslie's avatar

Fluther is kind of a stickler for proper English, unless it is your second language? Somehow I doubt that since you use abreviations and punctuation (or lack of punctuation) that are common when texting.

pinkgirl02's avatar

i am english born and bread thankyou

JLeslie's avatar

That is what I meant, that I would guess English is your first language since you use texting language. Why don’t you go ahead and follow typical fluther behavior and write a proper sentence? You “sound” like you are 14 years old, and honestly most teenagers on fluther don’t even throw capitalization and punctuation to the wind. You must have missed the guidelines page

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Age isn’t as important as experiences, background and future intentions. You’ve been a couple since you were 18 but you’re not 18 anymore, you’re way over the line of grown up and in 7 yrs if he’s not introduced you to his parents and you’ve wanted that. It doesn’t read like he wants what you want to happen to the relationship.

I’ve lived several years with someone who was 18 when we met and I was 28. Within six months we’d met both sets of parents and discussed future marriage. I was up front and told him not until he was at least 25yrs old but that was just a number I pulled out of my hat in order to buy time for him to come to know if he could really handle a serious relationship. Another man I lived with several years was 12yrs younger than I and we did the same routine. If someone wants a future with you then they bring you into their lives and that means friends, family, kids, all of it.

The point is, if you know what you want from someone then alk about it, find out if they’re on the same page with you and go from there. 7 years is a long time to beat around the bush and for a lot of women it’s a crucial time for planning a family, don’t let your hopes cost you what you really want because there is more than one someone out there aside from this guy who would like to be that for you.

evandad's avatar

He shouldn’t have approached you at 18 when he was 33. The difference grows less significant with time.

YARNLADY's avatar

Age only matters if it causes problems between the two of you. Maybe you have gotten too old for him, and he wants another teenager. If you don’t know how old you are, it might be a bigger problem than you have told us.

i am 26 and he is 41 in may. im 24

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Oh, good call! That would make sense.

Don’t discount what YARNLADY said about the age issue, it’s not as simple being a letcher, he may truly have deeper issues he can’t figure out that keep him from emotionally evolving in an adult relationship.

I know a man who knocked up then married his high school crush but things didn’t go so well for them over the years as she aged and had more children. He snarks that she’s made of plastic after so many surgeries and cosmetic procedures but I kind of think he made her feel so insecure and less and less attractive that she did these things in order to bolster herself. I also think that’s why she cheated on him so often, looking for a feeling of being truly loved rather than just lusted after or kept because she was the mother of his children and completed the “family unit” he so wanted.

Since their divorce, he’s been unsuccessful at holding relationships with women anywhere near his own age and is still mentally tied to being a teenager- watching teen movies, looking a teen porn in order to become aroused when he needs to engage an adult woman and yet, he really really wants a relationship and to be loved but he doesn’t know how so whatever woman he takes on sits in a strange limbo while he waits for some miracle to happen to make him “normal”.

JLeslie's avatar

@YARNLADY Thank you. That is my point that a teenage girl has a teenage body and mind. If a man of 33 is attracted to that he probably always will be.

CMaz's avatar

Something I came across when I was dating someone 16 years younger then me.

Surviving the wide age gap.

TheOnlyException's avatar

age is a number. I mean. There is a limit of course, realistically. But 15, 20 years, what’s the big deal? A lot of successful happy couples have this much of an age difference between them. Even if it doesn’t work out everybody should taste the vintage wine at least once ;)

If he really cares for you then it is just stuff that comes out of anger, not much else. You must say stuff you don’t mean the whole time when you’re seeing red. Think about it.
And talk to him.

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