General Question

ducky_dnl's avatar

Why are Some Guys inconsiderate of their girlfriends needs?

Asked by ducky_dnl (5378points) May 10th, 2010

My friend lost her baby just three days ago, and already her boyfriend is groping her in school and trying to persuade her to go to his house and have sex. I think he is the worst guy to ever walk the planet. I just want to tell my friend how much I think her boyfriend is an inconsiderate, heartless, moronic jerk. I’m not going to say anything to her about my opinion, but I literally think he needs to go away. He didn’t even care when she told him what happened. My friends been staying at my house and will continue to stay at my house for as long as she wants. She is also under more stress because her boyfriends mom kicked him out of her house. He got kicked out because he got into a fight with his mom. I don’t want to see my friend more upset! Also, any suggestions that might get her mind off of her boyfriend? Anything would help. I hate her boyfriend though. :/

My friend said she was “depressed, stressed, and miserable.”

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18 Answers

deni's avatar

he sounds like the dictionary definition of a douche bag and then some. i know you dont want to upset your friend more but you really should say something to her. maybe she is depressed, stressed, and miserable because she has a total asshole as a boyfriend? who doesn’t care that she just had a miscarriage? something needs to happen.

Blackberry's avatar

Whoa….what a douchebag. This is up to your friend though to get smart enough to get this person out of their life. And as far as asking why some men do this…this is called apathy and douchebaggery, women do it too.

Seaofclouds's avatar

Miscarriages can be hard for a guy to understand (not making excuses for him, just saying he might not understand what your friend is feeling). If she has talked to him about how she feels and he still isn’t trying to console her, then she needs to wise up and see that she deserves someone better. Unfortunately, there is most likely little you can say to make her see this if she doesn’t want to.

The only way I can think of to keep him of your friend’s mind is to keep her busy. Take her out for some girl’s time and don’t talk about boys at all.

FutureMemory's avatar

Typical immature dumbass teenage boy. He’s just totally devoid of empathy for other human beings, more concerned about getting a piece of ass from his girlfriend than what’s going on with her emotionally. Guys like that make the rest of us look so bad it’s not even funny. Ugh.

deni's avatar

@FutureMemory nope the rest of you just make guys like him look so much worse :)

syzygy2600's avatar

not sure how to possibly answer this question. Some people are douchebags and only care about themselves. And it’s not only men, or young men, not by a long shot.

Draconess25's avatar

Not all guys are that way. And it’s not just guys. This is humanity, the only species evolved to be an ass for the hell of it.

MrsDufresne's avatar

It sounds like he is a narcissist. Only concerned for himself and no one else.
What matters is how your friend reacts to his behavior.
It is her choice to shut the door in his face.
If she hasn’t done that, it isn’t likely that her misery will end.
Just be supportive of her, and try to communicate to her that she deserves to be cherished. (and this ass hat couldn’t probably even comprehend that word.)

lilikoi's avatar

I think the better question is why do some girls choose to be with inconsiderate guys.

xxii's avatar

@lilikoi – Amen and amen.

casheroo's avatar

Awful. I hope she didn’t have sex with him, you are open to infection after a miscarriage. No sex or tampons. :(

MissA's avatar

Find a way to let her know that it will probably not get better with this dirtbag. If a person’s best shows when they are wooing their mate…this guy doesn’t have far to fall.

Find some kind of counselor or adult that she trusts. A lot of truths in the above posts. Good luck.

Kayak8's avatar

Seeing as how she is staying at your place, it implies that her parents are not particularly involved in her life. I can’t tell from what you said you are out on your own or she is staying at your parents’ place, but this sounds like the kind of situation where the involvement of a grown up (maybe even her doctor or a trusted teacher) might be very helpful right about now.

As her friend, you feel responsible to help and this is totally appropriate. There are some circumstances (for example, what it feels like physically and emotionally after a miscarriage) that many teens can’t totally understand (including the one going through it). There is no shame in helping your friend find access to an adult (even a counselor or therapist) who can help her negotiate through the land mines of this current relationship and the loss of her child. As a friend, you can only do so much without hurting yourself and possibly your friendship in the long run.

The best help may be getting her to a professional who really knows all the various options available to her while she is going through this grief experience. This is a kid with very grown up problems and she needs the full benefit of a grown up solution!

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’m in agreement with @FutureMemory and not at all surprised as I’ve seen more of this behavior in males than I had once believed was true. Yeah, it does give guys a bad rap but also makes one more appreciative of the “good guys” sprinkled throughout the male population.

She should get a new boyfriend. How can she stand the humiliation and hurt of his behavior in front of friends and family. If someone had let me down like that, they’d be a sad bit of history. Better to have no bf than a loser. One more example of why most teens should be careful with sex.

Trillian's avatar

I was going to make some flip remark about men in general until I read @FutureMemory‘s comments. Then I remembered what a really nice guy he is. And I was going to say something about adult intervention but that was taken too.
If her boyfriends mom kicked him out of her house then it means her parents were allowing them to stay together. What are you parent’s attitude’s about this? Is she planning to graduate and further her education?
You and she may want to consider some other services from the state like counseling and crisis assistance. You may want to help but you probably lack the right skill set to help her become self sufficient.
Good luck.

Cruiser's avatar

You are being a good friend and deserve credit for being so kind and considerate. Your friend though needs a good knock on the noggin for making so many piss poor choices at her age. She needs to wise up before she gets a Round 2 from her dipshit boyfriend.

pinkgirl02's avatar

Just be there for her, like you are doing now, but say if she goes back to her boyfriend then she will have to learn the hard way.

Disc2021's avatar

@lilikoi You BEAT me to it!

Yeh, sounds like a douche bag but girls seem to like that.

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