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flo's avatar

Re. chatting in Fluther, what is making people come and then leave?

Asked by flo (11140points) May 30th, 2010

Re. chatting in Fluther, what is making people come and then leave?Why don’t people ask or say something to to get people to respond?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

40 Answers

rebbel's avatar

And some come in, stay in, but never say a word.

YARNLADY's avatar

Ummm, maybe they didn’t find what they were looking for.

Bluefreedom's avatar

I think the musical group Supertramp summed it up best when they explained the phenomenon of hit and miss anwerer/commentors on Fluther:

Now some they do and some they don’t
And some you just can’t tell
And some they will and some they won’t
With some it’s just as well

mrentropy's avatar

And some people enter and are never acknowledged.

jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities's avatar

Perhaps they were checking to see if a particular user was in chat, and upon not finding them there, they decided to leave.

flo's avatar

@YARNLADY @jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities I check it from time to time, and it is always the same. I wanted an answer to something quickly, and nobody chatted back with the answer I asked about removing my own posting. I had flagged my posting hours ago and it is still there

Jeruba's avatar

Whenever I come in (which does happen rarely), my arrival seems to be a conversation stopper. It’s as if people were waiting for me to say something. I am not good at fast slang-laden repartee and wisecracking one-liners, so I’d rather lurk for a little while and try to pick up the thread of what’s going on, but instead it seems like a room full of kids when somebody’s mother walks in. It just makes me feel like chat is not for me. Luckily I don’t experience this in real life or I would never want to go anywhere.

wilma's avatar

I also feel like @Jeruba explained. I don’t venture in very often at all.

Sarcasm's avatar

@flo The reason that nobody responded to your question in chat is because you were in a chat room that nobody was in. You can see a list of users who are in the chat rooms, you can see that all of them except for Watering Hole (the first one) are barren wastelands.
[Mod says]: Although it’s offtopic, regarding your quip: Mods are people with other stuff going on, modding is not a 9–5 or anything. We get email alerts about flags but some get lost in the mess. The more people who report a quip, the more attention it’s guaranteed to get. I have indeed gone in and taken care of your quip.
“Mod says” mode is now off.

To those who are met with silence, do not take this as a personal insult. That does enter lulls regularly. Whenever I’m there, I always see people get warmly greeted at the very least. If you think people are being quiet because they don’t feel you fit in, you’re looking too far into the situation. You could always try to stir up a conversation.

lillycoyote's avatar

@Jeruba I had exactly the opposite experience in the chat room but came to the same conclusion, that chat just isn’t for me. I ventured in and said hello to everybody, then said hello again and when I was ignored the second time, I got a little testy and everyone finally acknowledged that I was there. It tried to engage people in conversation but that didn’t work. Everyone just went on with their own private conversations as though I wasn’t there. It was like trying to mingle at party where everyone knows each other but no one was polite enough to even try to pretend that they were interested in talking to me so I thought why bother. I didn’t take it as a personal insult, I just decided that it was a waste of my time.

lillycoyote's avatar

@Jeruba The comment above should have been directed at both you and @Sarcasm, as it dealt with something you said and also with something @Sarcasm said.

zenele's avatar

1. You can see who’s in a chatroom before entering.

2. If the people are in a heavy converastion, they might not notice your grand entrance while hunt and pecking their reply to someone. If the conversation has several people talking – by the time someone looks up again – your “entrance” is at the top of the screen, or gone – it it’s on a little cellphone.

3. Not everyone is a greeter. Not every greeter. like me, greets all the time.

4. Not everyone in the room at the time, is actually in the room. Bathroom, pot on stove boiling over – kid screaming for attention – sex while fluthering – different distractions might mean they are in the room – but not paying attention to the screen at all.

5. You recognize a name – it’s just with a different number at the end like john17 or john 174 – the latter doesn’t know you and thus isn’t particularly jumping with joy at your entrance.

6. Some of us don’t see very well. I mistook Brian1946 For Bobo1946. They both could care less about me anyway so neither greeted me. (I’m still not sure which one it was who ignored me.

7. It’s a bar. You walk in. Your friend is at the end of the bar. You walk over and say hi. No-one on the way says anything to you because they are drinking, kissing, talking or geenrally do not greet every Schmo who walks by them. Do you?

lillycoyote's avatar

@zenele Like, I said, a waste of my time. Not a bar I want to sit in by myself, particularly since it’s a bar without any actual liquor. The only reason to sit in a bar by myself is to have a drink or to engage a stranger in conversation. If there’s no liquor and the strangers won’t or don’t talk to me, I leave. What would there be to keep me there?

zenele's avatar

@lillycoyote An empty chatroom is like an empty thread. As I said in #1 – you can see who’s in a chatroom before entering. No-one there you want to talk to – don’t go in. Very simple.

Edit: But what’s really bothering you?

lillycoyote's avatar

@zenele And that’s what I do. I don’t go in. Simple as that.

Nothing’s bothering me, just stating that I don’t enjoy hanging out in places where I feel like I don’t exist. Like I have said a couple of times, I didn’t take it as a personal insult, just as something not worth bothering with. And what’s bothering you that you have to respond with a seven point list? I expect a Powerpoint presentation next time :)

Jeruba's avatar

I didn’t consider that @lillycoyote was complaining or asking to have something fixed. Like me, she was answering the OP’s question from personal experience.

zenele's avatar

@lillycoyote @Jeruba * sigh &* Lily and have talked in PM since this post. We’re good, and having wild, passionate virtual sex “as we speak.”

My 7 pointer was my way of helping people realize a few things about chat they may have missed – from the experience of a former mod (in MSN – and that’s tough – believe me) and someone who loves this place – and actually greets newbies.

So obviously an old-time wis.dmer like you Lily doesn’t benefit from my 7 pointer, it wasn’t meant for you.

And if you’d like a PPS – it’ll cost double. And you know the currency.

lillycoyote's avatar

@zenele You big liar! You spurned me! Told me I should go do my dishes like I was just some kind of scullery maid to you! ;-)

MissAnthrope's avatar

I’ve done this a few times. Once or twice I was looking specifically for a user to see if they were around so I could PM them and get a quick response. Other times, I’ve lurked to see if I could jump in. This isn’t a complaint, more of an observation, but it seems the people that use chat regularly have formed a certain friendship and I didn’t feel overly welcomed. It kind of felt like it was a private chat room for a bunch of buddies and I stumbled in there. So, I guess the chat isn’t for me, either. ;)

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@MissAnthrope I feel the same way. I don’t function well in an unstructured free-for-all and I’m such a slow typist that whatever I say gets so far behind the conversation. I guess I’m “allergic” to that format.

chels's avatar

Why do I feel like this is based on a 1 to 3 time experience. Try coming in more. It all depends who is in there. Some people don’t greet; I do, as does @Sarcasm and some others. Some people lurk (you’ll find me lurking quite often as well as others). Sometimes you’ll come in and no one has been talking for a while, and sometimes no one really has anything to say. We almost always try greet people who come and and ask “how are you?” when we’re around. It makes me kind of sad that people don’t feel welcomed when they come into chat :(

rangerr's avatar

For people who think chat is pointless, y’all sure do complain about it a lot.

About not being greeted:
You’re not always going to be greeted. It’s just not possible.

If we are in a conversation and someone comes in, usually that conversation stops, then about 15 lines of “hello!” and “hey!” appear. The previous conversation gets lost.
And sometimes, after those 15 lines, someone announces they are going to leave. Then 15 lines of goodbyes show up.
Then someone else enters… and it starts all over again.

Making it a cycle of everyone greeting and saying goodbye takes a toll on conversations we were having. I think that’s why people get so frustrated when they are new to chat. Conversations tend to stop, then nobody knows what to talk about, so it gets quiet.
Chat moves at a pretty fast pace when there are actually people around and if you don’t jump in, or give us a new topic… you’re not going to get noticed. Give us a reason to notice you. Give us something to talk about. Join in the conversation. Say hello, don’t wait for us to say hi to you..

If there is a room full of people, and nobody is talking, then we are all away from the tab with chat on it. With the exception of trolls, we never ignore anyone, unless they manage to slip past our radar. Which is very easy to do. I think most of us have manged to just tune out the notifications that someone new has come in the room.

We like getting to know new people in chat. We really do.. But that can’t happen if people give up on it after coming into the room once…

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@rangerr I wasn’t implying that the chatroom is pointless in a general sense, only that it is pointless for me to try to use it. It’s too fast-paced for me; too much like face-to-face social conversation (which I’m also hopeless at).

free_fallin's avatar

I felt this way when I first ventured into the chatroom. The mods in there have been the most welcoming of any other member. It took a few times to get used to it. 99% of my time in there is spent laughing and being entertained. You have to interact as the people in there usually aren’t going to try to pull you into the conversation and why should they. It isn’t for everyone but once you give it an honest chance I think you would enjoy it.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

Actually, it’s the thought of being greeted and then be expected to participate that keeps me out of the chatroom. I might be comfortable sitting quietly and listening to others; but I always assumed that such behavior would make others uncomfortable, like some kind of ghoul or eavesdropper.

chyna's avatar

I’ve only been in chat a couple of times. The times I visited, everyone spoke to me and included me in the chat. I even drug @rebbel in the conversation! He is a bit quiet.

rebbel's avatar

@chyna
Who, me? :-)

chyna's avatar

@rebbel Yes, you. You are a lurker.

rebbel's avatar

@chyna
I admit it, i like to watch…

chyna's avatar

@rebbel I think you are on a different topic.. :-)

Lightlyseared's avatar

I get really shy. Then I get distracted and go and do something else.

flo's avatar

@Sarcasm Thank you. It says “Removed by Moderator”. Whenever askers flag their own Q, did it say “Removed by Asker” in the past?

Sarcasm's avatar

@flo For as long as I’ve been a member here, it has always been “Removed by Moderator”. It may have been different before I got here, though.

flo's avatar

@Sarcasm Okay thanks for responding. “Removed By Moderator” makes it appear something inappropriate to have been there.

[EDIT] I just got an answer from Empress Pixie, it is the users who erase their posting before the end of the editing period, and replace it with “Removed ..”

Lightlyseared's avatar

If it’s removed by a mod the lurve disapears. If it’s removed by a user you can still give lurve even if it says removed by moderator

YARNLADY's avatar

@Lightlyseared I wondered about that, thanks

Silhouette's avatar

I went in a few times and I left with a bad taste in my mouth, besides having the same experience @Jeruba had, “my arrival seems to be a conversation stopper” It was like walking into a junior high schools girls room, everyone was talking shit about the other kids. I don’t know if this was a relatively uncommon use for chat but after seeing it twice I decided I’d rather pee behind the bushes.

Arisztid's avatar

I come into chat, see if anything I am interested in is being discussed (assuming anyone is talking), and leave if not.

I also do not say anything unless addressed or the discussion is something that interests me enough to comment.

CMaz's avatar

Sometimes you fell like it. Sometimes you don’t.

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